teenage daughter with anxiety/ ocd

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2006
teenage daughter with anxiety/ ocd
16
Sat, 11-11-2006 - 10:09am
My teenage daughter has recently been diagnosed with anxiety/ocd. We have some really tough times ahead of us I know, and I need support/ideas. She is very attached to me and between puberty, teenage attitude, etc., I was just wondering if there is another mom out there going thru the same thing. Thanks.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2006
Sun, 11-19-2006 - 10:53am

Hi----now on to my other problem. Did you have marriage problems when dealing with a child with ocd?

My husband swings between being supportive (not very often) to being very unsupportive. (I am moving out) Yes, our relationship is more on the back burner. But, my dd comes first. I have to get her over this so she can deal with life. I am afraid that if I die young she will have no one who understands her (now who has anxiety?) I guess I am ocd too!

He always says that he came first. Yes, well we may have to muddle thru the next 5 years until dd goes to university. Then he can have me all to himself. Always seemed a bit jealous of the kdis. Like I am not supposed to put dd before him. I say grow up!

Since I am in her bed (yes, she is still hanging in there in her own room as long as I promise not to leave.), our sex life is almost non-existant. We don't do anything anymore. Can't afford alot and live in the country with the nearest city 45 min away. Have to try to do something on the wknds other than the struggle to catch up on housework and rent movies to watch on Fri and Sat nites. Nothing in common but I used to make an effort ot go outside. It's damn cold in the winter here. Not anymoer, I just stay inside as I have always hated the cold. It's like he wants me just to stand there and watch him cut wood and I think it;' stupid, but I kinda get it ---- he just wants me there. I almost had a mental breakdown this past summer so I think of myself more (my therapist told me to) but now I feel selfish. Can you think of anything we can do to make it seem like we are doing something together. But my dd is there always too. We are slowly making steps but I feel like he is not going to wait around. Sometimes I don';t even care but then it will be harder on dd. She loves her dad very much even though he once told her that he only had her older sister. Like he was writing her off. We always try to have playmates over for our dd on wknds. but she is never invited to their homes. I don't know what to do anymore. It will be 9 C. today so I am going outside this afternoon. Hopefully to hang xmas lites. Then greycup at 5--we are having snacks and I hate football but will watch it for him. What do you think of all of this. p.s. we have been married 20 years. I am 49 and he is 47. Kids are 17 and 12.

Thanks, Arden

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Sun, 11-19-2006 - 10:21pm

(((Arden))) In my

Sheri Ann

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2006
Tue, 11-21-2006 - 8:16am

Hi Sheri-Ann

Thanks for replying- it feels good to just vent once in a while. Maybe we should read the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"? lol

I went outside on Sunday afternoon to put icemelter on our road and then husband and I hung some xmas lites. Seemed to make him happy. Then the ever dreaded Grey Cup football game. I really wanted to bring my book...........but 17 yr old dd was there so made it more fun.
I noticed my younger dd was jealous that my older dd and I laughed, something that her and I don't do often as there is alot of discipline. She really doesn't think before she speaks. I will try to even out the discipline and talk more easygoing to her. This is hard, it's like changing my whole personality.

Thank goodness I have found you..........and campfires every night? You are lucky. We get May - Sept. for that. We have a seasonal spot at a beach and spend every wknd there. It is fun. I already miss it.

Have a great day..........and I will continue to try harder to spend even minutes at a time with husband.
p.s. where do you find the short forms of typing, like dd for daughter (I think)??

Arden

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Tue, 11-21-2006 - 7:03pm

It sounds like things will go well for you.

Sheri Ann

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Tue, 11-21-2006 - 9:24pm

I have good luck looking things up here. Even medical stuff. HTH


http://www.acronymfinder.com/


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Tue, 12-12-2006 - 1:51am

I recalled your post about the house fire. Here is a little info I thought might help you & others, Arden.


After a Trauma: Help for Kids at Any Age
Kids coping with a traumatic event will need your help in healing no matter how old they are.


After being exposed to a disaster or traumatic event, children are likely to show signs of stress. The signs can include sadness and anxiety, outbursts and tantrums, aggressive behavior, a return to earlier behavior that was outgrown, stomachaches and headaches, and an ongoing desire to stay home from school or away from friends. These reactions are normal and usually do not last long. Whether your child is a preschooler, adolescent, or somewhere in between, you can help your child by following the suggestions below:


Preschooler


Stick to regular family routines as much as possible.
Make an extra effort to provide comfort and reassurance.
Avoid unnecessary separations.
Permit a child to sleep in the parents' room temporarily.
Encourage expression of feelings and emotions through play, drawing, puppet shows, and story telling.
Limit media exposure.
Develop a safety plan for future incidents.


Elementary Age Children
Provide extra attention and consideration.
Set gentle but firm limits for acting out behavior.
Listen to a child's repeated telling of his/her trauma experience.
Encourage expression of thoughts and feelings through conversation and play.
Provide home chores and rehabilitation activities that are structured, but not too demanding.
Rehearse safety measures for future incidents.
Point out kind deeds and the ways in which people helped each other during the disaster or traumatic event.


Pre-adolescents and Adolescents
Provide extra attention and consideration.
Be there to listen to your children, but don't force them to talk about feelings and emotions.
Encourage discussion of trauma experiences among peers.
Promote involvement with community recovery work.
Urge participation in physical activities.
Encourage resumption of regular social and recreational activities.
Rehearse family safety measures for future incidents.
It is important to remember that you do not have to "fix" how your child feels. Instead, focus on helping your child understand and deal with his or her experiences. Healing is an evolving state for most children, but some may need professional help.
If signs of stress do not subside after a few weeks, or if they get worse, consider consulting a mental health professional who has special training in working with children. In time and with help, your children will learn that life does go on.


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