Anxious & Edgy today-this sucks!
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| Sat, 11-11-2006 - 3:28pm |
Yesterday I was totally TGIF...I had weathered most of the work and family crisises of the week...all behind me...so why am I not happy, happy, joy, joy?
I was just taking a deep breath upon arriving home yesterday afternoon, when my BIL calls. He's not a bad sort...but dealing with him is minorly irratating because it reminds me of all the other crap with the rest of my inlaws and it is all just a big mess of bad feelings for me...a major trigger.
So he called to bug me over $13. that we owe for a poinsetta ordered for his dd's school fundraiser. Now mind, he called last week to solicite for this and asked if we'd mail him a check and order one. At the time, we said, sure we thought we'd like one, but it's been really busy and that is low on the list. Well, we didn't mail him (his DD) an order, so he called two days ago to say they ordered it for us! (and we are expected to reimburse them) The plants won't be delivered for another 3-4 weeks, but now he's calling me for the second time in 48 hours to bug me about this $13. (that he did not call to confirm before placing the order anyway)
I think I'm overreacting to this call, because when he called on Thursday to tell DH that he ordered for us, I heard DH say something about "Yeah sure we are still coming for Thanksgiving." Afterwards, I asked about it and DH looked surprised and told me yes, we are committed to go to their house for Thanksgiving and he thought he'd already cleared it with me. I have no memory & no knowledge of this...though it's been so darn stressful this month that I don't trust my own memory anymore. Hearing about the Thanksgiving thing just plunged me into anxiety and bad feelings that I didn't expect, because we have already attended two family events at BIL this year and while I had to deal with the rest of the Inlaws being there it was not really awful. But I feel tremendous anxiety and loss of control over this.
After the call yesterday, I realized I deeply honestly don't want to do this this year, but feel guilty and obligated because we never see any family much at all and I know DH wants his bro and father to see DD.
So then today, I just need some "me" time to stay sane and 1. our home is so darn small there is almost no way to do it (except shut in here with the computer ;) ) and 2. I have been trying to squelch the anxiety over this other stuff quite unsuccessfully. 3. DD seemed to be having a lot of cling to Mommy moments today that I don't feel up to coping with and 4. Several people just emailed to bug out of the bake sale tonight and I have to try and find coverage or go myself, which is the last thing I feel like doing.
Which is why I came in to email the whole group and try to get volunteers to cover it, but afterwards had to vent a little here. Sorry this was so long...I feel like breaking something or running far far away!!
Hope ya'll are having a better day!
Ready to tear my hair out,
Dee

Wow, Dee!
Sheri Ann
Hopefully things have calmed down a bit, Dee & you can think things through. Being under so much stress just makes my decision making impossible.
Pay the bill for the poinsettia & get it over with. That will stop the calls
Aww, Sheri Ann,
Sorry I didn't mean to bum you out! Actually the few minutes on the computer by myself helped...then DH went into DD's room and made a game out of cleaning it up with her. (which was really needed). We got back together in the livingroom and his specialty mac cheese with little smokies. (DD's favorite) Then DD conked out early; she was exhausted. DH was really happy because he went off to play dungeon's & dragons with "the guys" at a friend's house. So the day did indeed get much better and I feel really relieved.
Actually I've decided to have a frank talk with DH about not going to BIL's for Thanksgiving. But I'm going to do it with a cooler head, so he doesn't think it is just my being in a bad mood or something. We have actually gone to BIL's for a lot of the main holidays the past year 1/2...since I put my foot down about going to FIL's. So the bypass was essentially that BIL started inviting us and FIL with his wife...the neutral ground theory.
Part of the problem is that I really enjoy cooking my own turkey and having the whole lazy morning at home, watching tv and then smelling the turkey cooking and having family dinner. It's kind of the one huge meal all year that I get enthused about cooking for my family. Also by going to Thanksgiving dinner with BIL & FIL, we cut out any possibility of seeing MIL who I like a heck of a lot better and also lives a lot further away.
We have done FIL's side for several years, so actually, I don't think it is unfair to ask DH for a Thanksgiving at home or maybe to invite MIL here instead. I feel better now that I am thinking rather than reacting about it.
Smiles,
Dee
Thank's Jan,
The day did get a lot better as soon as I got some "space" to calm done and I have decided to pick a calmer time to talk with DH about changing the Thanksgiving plans. BIL will have other relatives coming also, so our not coming will not upset his dinner too much and maybe we can see MIL who I like a lot more. (The issue is of toxic family but there is also a branch with a history of abuse, even accusations of molestation attached to two older members. DH and I are completely in sync about never allowing any possibility that DD could be exposed to it. However it makes it incredibly uncomfortable to be at a family gathering where there are people that I refuse to ever visit or allow to see DD also attending.)
I knew there was at least one person showing up for the bake sale, so I just sent a group wide email with the situation and asking if anybody else could go. Then I actually got involved with dinner and reading to DD, some quality time before tucking her and so didn't check much until afterwards. But someone did email that they were going over to help also...so it seemed like that was worked out.
Thanks for the support, I really appreciate it.
Have a good night,
Dee
It sounds like a great plan :)
Sheri Ann
Hi Sheri Ann,
I talked with DH last night. It started with my telling him my feelings about spending Thanksgiving at home. (which he is fine with. Yay!) Then we got into some deeper discussion about our plans for the next few years, long term priorities and what our feelings and goals are.
We didn't really make any other decisions, but it was a great talk, we clarified a lot of important personal goals to each other and I think we will be able to make some of those big decisions soon and in a way that we both will be happy with.
Smiles,
Dee
I'm glad you had a nice chat.
Sheri Ann