What is wrong with me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2006
What is wrong with me?
30
Thu, 11-23-2006 - 3:52pm

Hi, I suffer from panic attacks and anxiety and I'm thinking that I may have some sort of compulsive disorder.

I started having panic attacks when I was 16, and was prescribed Paxil for it. I dealt with them and seemed to be able to function from day to day. I went to my doctor because I was concerned about being on Paxil for 6 years. She then prescribed me Cipralex, and then it hit me. Panic and anxiety and feelings of depersonalization all day. I went back to her, she then put me back on paxil.

Since then, the feelings have lessoned a bit, but I'm still getting the panic attacks. I start worrying about life and it's purpose and death, and I start to get a panic attack. I get this feeling like I'm almost outside of my body, or stuck inside. It is very hard to describe, but it's awful and can send me into full panic. I seem to obsess over the thought sometimes, or it just comes out of nowhere. I think that I might end up going crazy. What is wrong with me, and how am I supposed to overcome this?

Any help would be appreciated.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Sat, 11-25-2006 - 7:52am
Amy, only take the dose prescribed by your doctor.

Sheri Ann

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2006
Sat, 11-25-2006 - 8:42am

Hi Sheri Ann,

I only take these tablets once in a blue moon. My doctor told me to take a clonazepam when I was feeling overwhelmed with anxiety. There is no basic dosage for each day, and I've only taken about 4 of these pills in the last 4 weeks.

Don't worry, I'm not overdosing. :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2004
Sat, 11-25-2006 - 9:36am

(((Hugs))) Amy,

I was reading your post about not feeling able to cry and it struck a cord with something I read in my psychology class that generalized anxiety disorder has been linked with scans showing high levels of activity in areas of the left frontal lobe in the brain (where the language center is). The theory developed from this is that the repetitive thoughts and feelings come from problems or thoughts that get "stuck" in your left brain (so you are thinking of them over and over), but need to move over and be processed by your right brain into a physical response (like crying) to feel cartharsis or get past the cycle of repeating those thoughts.

The suggested treatments were ideas like art therapy or talk therapy (seeing related images or hearing yourself talk helps move the thoughts to other parts of the brain) which would then help you process a physical response.

Not sure if this helps, but I thought it was really interesting since I have GAD (& enjoy art). Also, crying once in while might help as part of the physical response part of this theory.

I don't cry much & it feels pretty intense when I do, but I tend to feel better afterwards too.

Hugs,
Dee

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2006
Sat, 11-25-2006 - 9:49am

Thanks for that info Dee, that was really interesting.

I wonder if I might have that sort of problem, I know that I can get angry, very angry, but I can't express it. I feel intense anger, and I can feel it burn inside, then I just try to ignore it because I have blown up before, and it definetly had a negative outcome.

You say that you feel better when you cry, and it's intense. I can completely agree with you there. If I do cry, it is usually SOBBING. Once I start I can't stop. That hasn't happened in so long, so long I can't even remember. I just hate the entire process of it. The tears, runny nose, lol...afterwords my eyes swell up terribly and I get a migrane headache. It's almost like my mind can't handle the crying, or my body. I think that is very weird.

I also like art as well. I love drawing and painting, or any kind of crafts really. I just don't have a very good imagination, and I can't put my feelings into a picture. I've tried, and I can come up with anything.

Thanks for listening!!!

:-)
Amy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2005
Sat, 11-25-2006 - 8:05pm
Amy I would like to answer some of your questions and tell you
a little bit about me. A psychiatrist is a doctor who can prescribe
medications and makes diagnosis of people. A therapist I have found
is most helpful dealing with the person that is ill--- with their form
of therapy. I have found that while on Paxil I cry very seldom sometimes
I really want to but the tears will not come. I find that frustrating!
At that point I usually go in the car and turn up the radio and sing
and scream!! GOD HELP ME but it does work!!
My two daughters have had panic attacks and both of them said the fear
of death was overwhelming and I AGREE!! It is one of the most common
symptoms of panic attacks. With all these symptoms coming at us at once
who would not think they were seriously ill??? BUT with us after the attack
the symptoms subside---- and often we "wait" for the next one! This is where
POSITIVE THINKING COMES IN tell yourself that you made it through the attack
and you will if and when there is another! BELIEVE IN YOURSELF and your ability
to cope with this!! Talking to your friends will NOT HELP they do not have
panic and cannot help you with it. Your therapist is there to help you and
if they do not then find another one!!
Having a relationship is difficult even without panic--- but with it
I know how hard it is to let it go and get into them. YOU have to keep
trying tho. Sleeping with the television on is what my daughter did for many
years---- she has finally gotten over this. You are trying to cover the
thoughts in you mind with the noise of the televison... get a set of headphones
and some relxation music and climb into bed!! I do this everynight that I feel
stressed. Hubby knows when the headphones are on he gently rubs my back or holds
my hand. That connection helps me a lot! Do not feel you are weak by turning to
your boyfriend when you need him!! My hubby says that he felt so helpless when
I was fist diagnosed. He had no idea what to do to help me and felt shut out.
Find some things he can do to help you relax--- he will then feel more a part
of helping you. I guess that is about it for now!! HOPE THIS HELPS A LITTLE!! Judy
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Sat, 11-25-2006 - 9:05pm
Good info, Dee!

Sheri Ann

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2006
Sun, 11-26-2006 - 10:12am

Hi--I am not going to be much help but my daughter as generalized anxiety and ocd.

I am trying to understand her. She is on clomipramine which is a really old med but seems to work. We are going to dr. for maybe wellbutrin as that is what I am on. I was on paxil for 10 years and it worked good but when I read an article about it being linked to weight gain, I switched to wellbutrin. I lost 10 lbs in 4 mths without trying. I could not lose the 25 lbs I put on. Did you find weight gain with paxil? My daughter is chubby so I don't want her trying paxil. She has enough anxiety without having to deal with being overweight. Wellbutrin took about 2 mths to work and still isn't as good as paxil, but I don't need to feel bad about myself either.

I'm sure you will get lots of postings as the support here is wonderful.
Let us know how you are doing.

Arden

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2006
Mon, 11-27-2006 - 1:22pm
i have those out of body feelings all the time too. always on the outside looking in at myself. i don't know if it will help you or not but i'm ready the power of now. it's a new age spiritual enlightenment. so far it helps, i just need to stop putting i down. i do good for a few days and then think in don't need to read it and then all of a sudden my weirdness appears. anywya, it teaches you to stay in the present or your life, not the past or the future but the now because the now is really all we have. look into it if it sounds like it could help you from worrying about the purpose of your life here. good luck
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2006
Mon, 11-27-2006 - 1:35pm

Hi, Nikki, thanks for your reply.

What was the book you are reading called? I would like to give it a try to see if it helps.

I am surprised to find out that there are many people with depersonalization. I have these feelings frequently throughout the day, and they are paralizing! I start to think about life and death, then I get a full blown panic attack. I am so sad, because I seemed to be doing well with all this, then after a medication switch, it's like something triggered it in my mind. Now it's constantly there, teasing me. I miss my life, I miss laughing, and I feel so bad that it's affecting my relationship. My boyfriend understands, but he's suffering too because he doesn't get the full "me".

I'm glad that I have other people to talk to, and I appreciate all of the support and advice I'm getting. I can't relate to anyone else I know, they haven't had the feelings so they don't understand.

I am thinking that religion would maybe make me feel a little better, and give me some hope. My parents aren't really religious, and I wasn't taught a lot about it. Basically I have just been learning on my own. Is the book you are reading supposed to help you find direction in life?

Thanks for listening!
Amy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2006
Mon, 11-27-2006 - 1:47pm
Amy, i'm so sorry you are feeling so yucky. i can definetly relate to you. the book is "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle. It talks about god and it can help you in that direction. I grew up catholic but until i started having my troubles didn't realize the importance of religion. having faith, prayer, i even talk to my priest about my troubles. it does help atleast for me! along with therapy and a mixture of meds. the book won't help you in the sense that you feel so out of body but just to help you re focus your attention on right now. doesn't really help with the depersonalization. do you surf the web regularly? i often type in stuff and there's so much info out there that can help you. i hope that you can find the right path to get you help. i know how much of a struggle it is. if it helps to show your boyfriend these posts for him to better understand i would do that. i've done it with my husband who thinks he knows but is SO short with me and my moodiness...i keep telling him it's my illness and he always says he understands but......to an extent. good luck!!

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