Do you ever feel you can't take anymore?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2006
Do you ever feel you can't take anymore?
21
Thu, 11-30-2006 - 8:10am

Hi everyone, I hope you are all doing well!

I was wondering if any of you just feel like breaking down and crying forever? I am so fed up with this panic and anxiety and depersonalization, I worry what would happen if I can't take it anymore! I am a fighter, I find myself at times saying, you can beat this and you will NOT let this win! Then other times I feel like a helpless little baby girl in the corner crying all alone. It's horrible. At times I feel sorry for myself, and I feel sorry for other people who I used to laugh with whom I don't anymore :-(

It's almost like an obsession. As soon as I wake up, these thoughts are there. I am dwelling on it. All day long, all evening long. Am I the only one?

I was reading on the anti-depressant medication board that when you increase a doseage of your medication it can cause more anxiety. I am wondering if this is what is happening to me, because last week my doctor requested that I increase from 20mg's of Paxil to 30mg's. This medication has worked for me before, I don't know when to expect to feel more like myself again.

Has this happenend to any of you? If it has, what helped you to get through it?

Thanks everyone,
Amy

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2005
Thu, 11-30-2006 - 8:20am

Good morning Amy! I see I'm not the only person up early.....

I read your post and almost cried for you. I just got through a severe bout with this and yes I did feel at times as if I couldn't take it anymore. But I too am a fighter and although it was hard, I made it through by taking one minute at a time. Don't look too far into the future (which for us is an hour by the way)....breathe and I know it's hard, but the best advice I got was to "ride the wave".....I know it's hard to do when you are in the middle of it, but try telling yourself that it will not last forever. Nothing lasts forever.

The panic feelings and syptoms may increase while your medications adjust. This always happened with me. Hang in there. They will "kick" in and you will feel better. You have no control over how sensitive your nerves are right now. You just have to admit you have no control. I know that's hard, but try to take today for what it is. Not a great day. It was always the first thing on my mind when I woke up as well ....it's hard not to dwell on it. You are feeding your fear by wondering if the fear is still there, KWIM? The nerves are sensitive and until they calm down you will just have to "ride" the wave darlin. Do you have any sedatives? Maybe a xanax or ativan will help you through this difficult time. Are you taking anything besides the paxil?

Well,I hope I've helped you a bit. Let me know if you need me. I'll be lurkin or you can always e-mail me. Hang in there..........RIDE THE WAVES. And remember....it's ok to cry....don't feel defeated.

Stacey

Stacey

Loving Mom to Brendan (10), Samma (6), Delaney Kate (3) and Natalie "MiMi" (2)

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2006
Thu, 11-30-2006 - 8:41am

Thanks Stacey, you are a sweetheart.

I am trying my hardest to ride the wave! I just feel so confused, I don't know why these feelings are happening and why it happens to so many people! Last night was so upsetting for me. I do have a sedative to take, klonopin. I only take them when I need them because I don't want to get addicted and I don't want my doc to take them away. Around 4pm yesterday, I had a bad panic attack. I was ready to cry and look up at God and say, "why is this happening to me? Please, make it stop!" I took a klonopin, and after an hour I started to feel a little more at ease. I went grocery shopping, and cooked dinner. Just as I started to eat my dinner, it hit. I had to go outside and get some fresh air, and I fought back the tears. Then I thought, ok, the klonopin isn't going to help me! I'm so sad, I just want to be normal again, but I can't seem to shake it off this time. I just want to sleep, when I am sleeping I am free!

I work in a very quiet office, so I am on this message board everyday, and it does give me comfort. Everyone here is so nice, but I'm so affraid I going to drive people crazy if I keep complaining. :-(

I was supposed to get a call from a psychiatrist a week ago, and they still haven't called me. I think that I am just going to call their office today, and make sure they got my referral.

I just desperatly want my life back. :-(

Thanks for your support.
Amy

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2005
Thu, 11-30-2006 - 9:00am

Oh Amy! First of all let me tell you that you will never complain too- much here. I remember what it's like to feel like a burden on others. but you cannot help it. you need support right now. Support, believe it or not, is what gets you through the rough patches.......so I'm here. A gazillion times a day if you need it. I won't get sick of hearing it. Promise.

So the #1 thing you need is support so the first thing I'm going to tell you is get a new psychiatrist! If you called a week ago, and no one has called you back, then obviously he/she will not be able to support you the way you need it. I would call my counselor 3 times a day and she would always call me back and help me through my rough patch. It took me a while to find her, and I've had her for 5 years now. Don't know what I would have done without her support. It takes time to find someone who can make you comfortable ....but dont' give up until you find that person. The klonopin is a long-lasting med so it will stay in your system longer than a shorter acting sedative would. If the klonopin is not working, I would ask for something shorter-acting. And don't be afraid to take them right now if you need them. THe only way you will get addicted is if you take them when you don't need them........so don't suffer. As you feel better, you will notice you decrease the amount of time you take them. So don't be afraid. Your body needs this right now and that's what the meds are for.

So what is your lifestyle like? Do you work full time? Do you have kids? Are you usually active?

Hope I'm helping ya honey!
Hang tight. Relief will come.

And you won't always see it. It's gradual. You didn't get like this overnight. It will take a bit to cure. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. This I can promise you. Your body is just oversensitized right now. The nerves will calm themselves. THey always do.

Stacey

Loving Mom to Brendan (10), Samma (6), Delaney Kate (3) and Natalie "MiMi" (2)

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2006
Thu, 11-30-2006 - 9:21am

Hi Stacey, thanks so much for talking to me.

The sad part is, I'm not active. I sit in my office, 10 hours a day, 5 days a week all alone! It's so lonely and boring and sure doesn't give me much to take my mind off of stuff! I try to excersise, I feel great once I have done it. The problem is, once I do I feel sooooo dizzy. I just go easy on myself and walk on my treadmill. I have to hold on the sides otherwise I will fall down! When I get in the shower I have to hold onto something because if I don't I will fall. I leaned ahead the other day, and smashed my shin on the bathtub. Ouch! :-( I am going for an X-ray tomorrow, to see if it is a vein in my neck causing the dizziness. I also hear that anxiety can cause dizziness. It feels like I'm drunk all the time, but without the buzz. I have a very stiff neck and shoulders, probably caused from stress and just started massage therapy. It was so wonderful.

I don't have any children, and I'm glad that I don't right now because I would probably have a difficult time taking care of them, I have a hard time taking care of myself. :-(
I am not married, I have a wonderful boyfriend and I am only 22 years old. My life is supposed to be great at this age! It does help me a lot to talk about it, it seems to release some of my fears. I have no one to talk to face to face because of course, they can't give me advice if they don't understand what is happening to me!

I think that I want to come on chat tonight, I haven't been there yet, and maybe that will give me a chance to meet everyone. I usually am so exhausted by 8 o'clock, I try to put my head under the covers and pray to God for this to go away. It's so sad.

Thanks,
Amy. (((hugs)))

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2005
Thu, 11-30-2006 - 9:37am

Amy I think you are my twin separated at birth....LOL. I say that because my "panic" episodes started when I was 22 years old! That was 11 years ago......

Dizziness is a common symptom of anxiety because you are breathing faster even though you don't think you are. So when you breathe fast, you tend to hyperventilate a bit so try to be more aware of your breathing. Also, drink LOTS of water. When you breath fast you could dehydrate quicker which also causes dizziness.

I remember feeling so alone at that age. I just got engaged. I was supposed to be so happy. And I had panic disorder.....I will tell you it will be ok. It will. But right now your body is so oversensitized that your mind is tricking your body into believing there is something wrong with you. I know what always calmed me down is calling my primary doctor and getting an exam (lab work, etc.) to make sure I wasn't anemic or have a thyroid problem that would be a physical cause for the anxiety. Once I was assured that it wasn't physical, I told myself that it was my nerves and they would calm eventually. They always did.

As for exercising while dizzy, do not get on a treadmill. Silly right? No way! If you are dizzy never ever get onto a machine that mimics movement. It will throw your equilibrium off. The best is to go outside and walk for even 5 minutes at a time. If you stay indoors too long the world seems surreal when you walk out into it. Sunlight and fresh air will help a bit. And don't overdo it. Only do what you can.

Where are you from?

Stacey

Loving Mom to Brendan (10), Samma (6), Delaney Kate (3) and Natalie "MiMi" (2)

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2004
Thu, 11-30-2006 - 9:53am

(((Hugs))) Amy,

Don't ever feel like you are complaining too much here...we are all going through stuff and need support. You'll probably see my big long steamy vents about all my anxiety too. Afterwards, I'll read it and think, man, I wrote too much, but I feel better getting it out and all the ladies (and guy) on here are awesome.

It always took a major action or life change to get me out of my major depression. The worst one was my first try at college after high school...but dropping out is not a great way to find a cure. LOL I never tried medication and so many people are helped now that I think sometimes how it may have helped me.

I have generalized anxiety disorder now and a lot of it is that I get edgy, frustrated, anxious and irritable, but those overwhelming sad, guilty and anxious feelings are underneath...when I cry, yes, I really sob uncontrollably and feel that helplessness like I'll never be able to feel better or solve my problems.

The thing is that eventually I do feel better and I try to tackle some of those problems and issues when I can. I am in talk therapy now and it is helping. I know I need to make some life changes, because a big part of my problems are stress and not enough balance, but I feel like I have to grit it out and finish school first.

You seem so lonely & bored by being in the office all day. Can you ease into more social activities? Do you go to church? Or is there a professional group/club related to your job that has social events?

Sorry if I was rattling on. I hope you feel better.

Hugs,
Dee

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2006
Thu, 11-30-2006 - 10:08am

Wow, you know what is weird? I AM anemic. They started doing tests on me when I was sixteen and my iron levels were very low, along with my vitamin B12. Then, afterwords, I got acid reflux. I was so upset! I just thought to myself, "what is going on? I was ALWAYS healthy, then comes all of these other problems!" I started taking iron pills and I can't quite remember if I felt better or not. I have iron pills and vitamin B12, but I just stopped taking them because I didn't notice any difference. Do you think that having low iron levels can cause me to be so disoriented and dizzy?

I am from Ontario, Canada. I see that the majority of people in the community are American and they are so nice!

Unfortunetly, my anxiety started when I was just 15 or 16 years old. It was so terrifying for me because I had no idea whatsoever what was happening to my body. I remember during the march break in grade 10, I stayed the majority of my time in bed, freaking out, shaking and crying and I couldn't stop. I was then sent to a psychiatrist, prescribed paxil, then I seemed to deal with it because I was constantly busy. Then, recently, I went to my doctor because I wasn't very educated about Paxil, and I mentioned to her that I had been on it for six years. She asked if I felt depressed, I said yes, I didn't want to do anything! So, then she decided to put me on Cipralex. Wow, big mistake. Within 3 weeks I was FREAKING out. I had panic all day, couldn't sit still, got sick to my stomach, I had diarrhea, couldn't eat, couldn't sleep it was terrifying! I then went to the walk in clinic, the doctor there told me to then go back on Paxil, and to call the adult mental heath centre. So, from then on, I was still having the panic. I went back to my doctor, she increased my dosage from 20mg's to 30mg's of Paxil. I am still having the anxiety, depersonalization and panic. I find that I am doing better in the mornings, I can make it through the day, but it still is there. I think of it as soon as a wake up, as soon as I go to bed...just all day long! Sometimes I think that maybe I should go for spiritual counselling, but I really don't know. I am so confused!

I think I just wrote a book. :-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2006
Thu, 11-30-2006 - 10:22am

Don't worry if you think that you are rattling on, I like it! It means you care!

I don't go to church. I wish I did! I think maybe having a relationship with God would put me a little more at ease. I don't do anything! I need a social life! The only social life I have is with my boyfriend. I talk to other female friends as well, but it's usually over the internet or here at work. Everyone seems so lazy, and when the work day is over they never want to do anything! I find that when I am done work I am so tierd and I have a headache and I can't get my behind up to do something as well.

I think so deeply, and my mind is constantly racing. I have thoughts about life and death, I don't want to die, what if there isn't a God? I sometimes think that God is disappointed in me. :-( I feel like I am trapped in my own cycle of crazy thoughts and I can't get out. I worry a lot, and it does bring on my intense panic attacks. I am so dizzy and weak all the time, it makes me feel like I am not in sync with my body and then the crazy thoughts come and I panic! I sometimes feel like driving miles away, finding some peaceful beautiful place where I will be happy. I can't drive away from my mind. :-(

I think that my mind and myself are two seperate things. That is what started me to believing that we all have a soul, because it seems seperate. Does that make sense? Am I the only one who feels this way? I feel like taking my hands and squishing the sides of my head sometimes, or banging it off the wall and saying SHUT UP!!!!!

I am losing it, aren't I? ;-)
Amy

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2004
Thu, 11-30-2006 - 10:47am

Hi Amy,

Sometimes it does help to be able to express just how you feel. I feel like I'm losing it when I get so overwhelmed with anxiety. I'm sorry your co-workers etc. don't do much to socialize.

I get so tired after being on campus all day, that I don't do much in the evenings either. I did finally join some clubs on campus last year and I found it has really helped me so much to get to know more people. This is the first time ever, I've walked around and had people all going "Hi" to me. It helps me a lot in coping with my anxiety to have positive feedback in other areas of my life.

I am not naturally social. I'm an introvert. So it's anxious for me to start something new, but it was worth it.

I think if you could find an activity you really enjoy or an interest that you could find a group for or share with others, it would be really rewarding. You always take your mind with you, but when it's full of busy thoughts about something you enjoy...there is less room for the other stuff. ;)

That's the theory I'm going with anyway. LOL

Nice to meet you and talk more later. I have to run to class.

Smiles,
Dee

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2003
Thu, 11-30-2006 - 11:37am

hi amy,


i've had anxiety/panic disorder for 10 years, but have been anxiety/panic "free" for the last 8 years..then BOOM 7 months ago it all came back w/a vengance.


i am feeling EXACTLY how you said...like i am sick of this, and feel like at times i can't take it anymore...i am soo tired of dealing w/this:(


i am doing all the things reccommended to help, meds, therapy, relaxation tapes daily, journaling etc...


but my anxiety/panic/now deperession has yet to let up and i'm getting SUPER SUPER frustrated!


well, as you can see i have no great words of wisdom, but wanted to let you know that you are not alone in this feeling...


i feel the same way.


heres to hoping that we both get better YESTERDAY!;)


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