Do you ever feel you can't take anymore?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2006
Do you ever feel you can't take anymore?
21
Thu, 11-30-2006 - 8:10am

Hi everyone, I hope you are all doing well!

I was wondering if any of you just feel like breaking down and crying forever? I am so fed up with this panic and anxiety and depersonalization, I worry what would happen if I can't take it anymore! I am a fighter, I find myself at times saying, you can beat this and you will NOT let this win! Then other times I feel like a helpless little baby girl in the corner crying all alone. It's horrible. At times I feel sorry for myself, and I feel sorry for other people who I used to laugh with whom I don't anymore :-(

It's almost like an obsession. As soon as I wake up, these thoughts are there. I am dwelling on it. All day long, all evening long. Am I the only one?

I was reading on the anti-depressant medication board that when you increase a doseage of your medication it can cause more anxiety. I am wondering if this is what is happening to me, because last week my doctor requested that I increase from 20mg's of Paxil to 30mg's. This medication has worked for me before, I don't know when to expect to feel more like myself again.

Has this happenend to any of you? If it has, what helped you to get through it?

Thanks everyone,
Amy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Thu, 11-30-2006 - 12:08pm

(((Amy))) In spite of the fact that you think you are different than others, you have all the symptoms of anxiety disorders. When we are stressed & very anxious, we tend to think that we're alone. That others don't have the same experiences as we do. Our thoughts become rampant & @ times irrational. Focusing on them only causes more intrusive thoughts. I call it *connect the dots* syndrome. We want to get everything nailed down. We analyze & re-analyze.

 

 


 



iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2006
Thu, 11-30-2006 - 12:13pm

Hi Heather, that's cute hope we will get better yesterday. That is so true! There seems to be a lot of us suffering with this, I'm surprised that no one has found a cure. :-(

I also find myself frowning upon people that are having happy lives, or the ones that fret about the "small" things. I just think to myself, how would you feel if you had to deal with the monster inside me? Then I realize that that isn't fair, and it's not anyones's fault that this is happening. I just wonder, what am I going to be like when I am 70 years old? (If I make it) I will have so much time on my hands to focus on the anxiety and the crazy thoughts, I will end up in a home for sure! The best thing that I can do is not think about it. It's so hard. :-(

I remember when I was a child, I had so little to worry about, never thought about the purpose of life, or death. Why now? Does everyone go through this? What confuses me is the people I know that can just brush the feelings off and say "Oh well". I'm jealous, why can't I do that? This community here is a god send, because I can talk to people as often as I need to that feel similar to the way that I am feeling.

I really hate being alone, and I hate when I tell people what is happening to me, and they give me that "look". Then they say, I'm sorry I can't help you. That is the worst thing to be told! Why is it that I just can't stop these thoughts? I am constantly reminding myself that I have a "problem". I can't shake it off. Wake up with it, all day live with it, go to bed thinking of it. I'm pretty fed up, now I'm to the point where I am getting angry. I wish there would be just something I could take that could relax me and stop the obsessive thoughts. Medication can only help, but it doesn't stop.

I am so frustrated as well!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2006
Thu, 11-30-2006 - 12:28pm

Hi Jan, you are so kind hearted, and your words are always reassuring. You are right about posting here everyday, because it does remind me of the problem that I have. How do you continue to be a community leader without it triggering your anxiety? You must be a very strong woman!

I would love to come to chat tonight, if I can manage to stay up to at least that time, I always have to get up at 6:00 in the morning, and my mind is always so exhausted. I think that I will feel much better (hope) when I am layed off for a couple months during the winter, then I will have some time to do things during the day, perhaps excersise!

I am going through a difficult time right now, and I find I need to be told over, and over again, "Amy, you are ok. It's just feelings. It will go away. You will be ok." I feel bad for everyone else dealing with my "whining" but it is the only thing that gives me hope right now that I can take control of this!

I took your advice on the belly-breathing last night, I had a big panic attack. I was just sitting there eating, them BOOM! So I focused on the breathing, of course my mind was saying, "yeah, like this is going to work, you breathe all the time" I told myself to shut up, kept breathing through my belly. I found that that helped with the hot and cold flashes and the sudden racing pulse. Of course it didn't stop the thoughts, but I went outside, and talked to a friend on my cellphone. Then eventually my body got tierd and it went away.

I just want all of you to know that I really do appreciate your responses, you are the only ones that have helped me! I feel like we are a family. :-) LOL

I will try so hard to make it to chat tonight!
Amy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Thu, 11-30-2006 - 12:37pm

You will be ok, Amy. Honest. I have required ALOT of reassurance & even had friends & family stay with me when I was severely anxious.


Can you take a catnap when you get home from work? Hope to see you;) jan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2006
Thu, 11-30-2006 - 12:42pm

I can probably do that Jan, or I can just force myself to stay up, maybe I will sleep through the night!

What is chat like? Do you all discuss problems? I guess I will find out anyways, so 9:00pm, I can be here I have to stop being so lazy!

;-)
Amy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Thu, 11-30-2006 - 1:14pm
Newbies are always given the opportunity to share their problems & ask about meds/treatments etc. You can come when you can & leave when you need too. Noone expects you to stay the entire 2 hours. Especially if you're tired. Everyone shares & gets support. When there's time & noone is in distress, we chat about *life in general.* Occasionally a fellow drops in, but since we're mostly of the fairer sex, women's issues are the norm. HTH jan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2006
Thu, 11-30-2006 - 1:39pm

Ok, great Jan, thanks for the info! I'll be there!

:-)
Amy

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006
Tue, 12-05-2006 - 8:45am
SURVIAL PLUS - TO HELL, BACK AND BEYOND: I am proud to say I am AmymV's dad!Metaphorically speaking, I have a Ph. D in Anxiety, Compulsion, O C D, and Depression. I say that because I had my first anxiety (a real beaut BTW) in 1966 when the words "Panic Attack" were little known, and remember 1966 was way, way before Tony Saprano went to a sexy psychiatrist thus validating the normalcy of emotional afflictions. I told NO ONE about the terrifying fear that racked my mind and body in my Junior year at Iona College (then an all boys institution of learning). Wy wife, of course, was the exception to the secrecy which I utilized out of humiliation and fear of institutionalization. She tried so hard to understand! "What do you mean, M, you think you are going to die?" "Why do we always have to sit on the aisle seats in the movies - or wherever?" NO ONE WHO HAS NOT EXPERIENCED THE AGONY OF ANXIETY DISORDER CAN EVER UNDERSTAND IT! How am I doing now in December 2006? One Thousand times better than February, 1966. Do I still get attacks? Sure! But I "kind of" -LOL- know what to do now. I know how to use norman Vincent Peale. I know how to use Victor Frankel. I know it is not convoluted to call my daughter who (thanks to my genetics, I guess) suffers as do I. And of course, I have my prophylactic "Special K," and my emergency dose too. It is exaxtly 8:23 A M EST. I am still carefully typing (one-finger-pecking style ;-)and at this very moment I am looking out a window at a blue sky, pine trees, and a pond. I am happy, anxiety-free, and grateful to God. Might this all change at 8:24 as I plunge into hours and hours of sweat, palpitations, shortness of breath (my heart is perfect), and depression ? YES! But, I'll know I am not a "freak," and I'll know it will end, and there are some things I will do that I did nid know about in 1966 through to about 1998. And that is why I entitled this humble message "Survival Plus, To Hell, Back and Beyond." Popoamymv
Though the war be not over, I am indeed winning skirmish after skirmish; battle after battle - for "if God b e with me, who can stand against me ?" certainly not these hells they call anxiety, depression, panic, and phobia. I mock them - paradoxical in
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Tue, 12-05-2006 - 2:02pm

Thank you so much for your insightful post, Amy's dad! You will never know how many people have read your encouraging words & have been helped by them. This is such a hopeful message to those in our community. We need more like it!


"Why do we always have to sit on the aisle seats in the movies - or wherever?" I am an aisle seat sitter;) @ the movies & wherever. LOL I also tend to sit close to an exit & the bathroom. My first panic attack occurred in the auditorium of my HS during the senior class play. That was 36 years ago. I can so relate to what you have shared.


Wishing you continued success. You have so much to offer. Don't hide your light under a bushel! (((hugs))) jan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006
Tue, 12-05-2006 - 5:19pm

Hi Jan,

The replies to my post made my day! Thank you so much. I am going to start a thread and I am going to point out the fact that 99% of IV is female. Now, though statistics going back to the 1930's have always shown women - quote - "more prone to emotional disorders," than men, the ratio is NOT 99 to 1. It more than likely is closer to 60%/40% or even more on the male side. --- Sadly, men consider it shameful to admit mental anguish and fear - They thus think it "unmacho" to discuss their anxiety and depression. And this can lead to dire consequeces, With the kind encouragement I received from you and my Amy today, I am now commited to try to help sufferers of this plague who post and read IV. If I can help just one person (male or female), I feel I will have done God's work and will and do thank Him for that opportunity! Manny

Though the war be not over, I am indeed winning skirmish after skirmish; battle after battle - for "if God b e with me, who can stand against me ?" certainly not these hells they call anxiety, depression, panic, and phobia. I mock them - paradoxical in