Sensitivity/Emotional Child? Anyone?
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| Thu, 11-30-2006 - 8:11am |
I know all of you have anxiety/depression but what would you do if you thought your child had anxiety issues? I have an eight year old who is currently seeing a therapist. He is so sensitive and cries so easily these days. He seems overwhelmed with school work this year and of course, we added another new baby to the mix so things have been hectic in our lives lately. He has been having trouble coping in school (he wants to get things right, hates being corrected, has low self confidence, etc.) although his school work itself isn't failing per se. Academically he is right where he should be, but his coping skills are horrible (if the teacher corrects him or he doesn't understand something he bursts into tears).
Anyway, his counselor suggested I meet with a psychiatrist to talk about options in case he needs meds later down the road. I don't like the idea of an 8 year old being on meds just to take the "edge" off. Anyone have any suggestions?
Thanks for any input.
Stacey

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Hi there, I'm sorry to hear that you are having problems with your boy. :(
What I would have to say is that a doctor always knows best. If you feel that you do not want your child on medication, ask them if there is any other alternatives then try them first. If that doesn't seem to help, maybe a mixture of medication and therapy will help him get through this tough time. Do you know if he is bullied in school? Or does the teacher centre him out infront of the class? I remember when I was little, if the teacher asked me a question infront of everyone, and I didn't know the answer I felt as if I could cry. What does the teacher have to say?
Thinking of you,
Amy.
Well let me just start by saying the teacher wasn't very supportive at first. She's not one to "coddle" the kids and she is strict. I dont' have a problem with strictness, but I do have a problem with a teacher with no empathy. So I called her on it. Oh boy did that get ugly at first. All I said (and I quote) was "he cried on Friday and he cried again on Monday before school. I don't understand why he is so nervous around you. Did something happen that I'm not aware of" and she truly reamed me out. She told me she was sick of him using her as a scapegoat for his emotional issues, that he was a liar (he sometimes makes up stories to his friends but has never lied to her) and that she walks on eggshells around him because she never knows what is going to set him off. So after she released her negative comments, I went on counterattack and told her that if she couldn't work with my son I would have no choice but to go to the principal and request a classroom change. He is so nervous around her that he has been in the ER for migraine headaches and has had night terrors....). Anyway, she then calmed down and stated she was willing to work with me. I met with her two days ago and we came up with a few stress management coping strategies that we could both deal with.
Sorry if that is sooooooooo long. LOL.
He is a good kid, not a trouble maker, he's just overwhelmed 8 year old with 3 little sisters! LOL. He has no issues with other kids teasing him (he's a gentle giant my boy) and he usually tells me when someone is giving him a hard time so I don't think it's that. He says it's the school work is getting harder and since his little sister has been born everything around the house has changed (ummmmmmm yeah. I have a 20 month old and a 3 month old with severe acid reflux........).
That's about it..........I met with the pediatrician so we are talking about me just meeting with a psych to talk about my options. I don't want to put the kids on meds just yet. He's so little!
Stacey
Loving Mom to Brendan (10), Samma (6), Delaney Kate (3) and Natalie "MiMi" (2)
Wow Stacey, that sounds like such a poor attitude for a teacher to have. Since when does a grown adult make an 8 year old sound like a bully? That is slightly humourous. It is also interesting that she changed her tone once you suggested going to the principal. I am also wondering, why is she saying he lies? What exactly could he being lying to her about? His homework? I think that every child does that! It's good that the teacher is willing to work with you, but by the sound of it, she has some immature grudge on your poor little boy.
I agree with you about not wanting to put such a small child on medication. Have you had problems with him before, or is it just this year? I actually think that a classroom change would probably help from the information that you just gave me. I feel so sorry for the little guy!
I think that you will make the right decision, and that was very professional of you to not get very upset with that teacher after she had that attitude.
I hope you find the help you need for your boy.
Amy.
Hello, I 'm a sometimes poster here. Nice to meet you, stacemomto4.
Thanks Amy for your kind words. Brendan has always been the emotional one.....since day one. It's the way he's hard wired I guess. Just like his mama. LOL.
His teacher did take an unprofessional and immature attitude at first, but I think she finally realized I wasn't going to back down from her. I think I scared her. I don't think she's used to dealing with rational parents at this point. I told her it's not about me, it's not about her, it's about my son's education and I will do whatever it takes to make sure he is comfortable at school.
I thought initially about requesting a room change but I didn't for a few reasons. 1) I want him to understand that he's gonna have bosses he doesn't like, teachers he doesn't like, etc. and that is a life lesson; 2) Can you imagine the way he'll not only be labeled by other teachers, but his classmates will question him as well. I don't think its necessary at this point because he is learning. The meeting I just had with her is the LAST meeting I will have with her and I informed her that if his learning style and her teaching style and lack of empathy continue, I will have no other choice but to request a transfer after the holidays.
Stacey
Loving Mom to Brendan (10), Samma (6), Delaney Kate (3) and Natalie "MiMi" (2)
Thanks Kel for sharing your story. It is so hard sometimes to hold his emotions in check that when he cries, I cry. Literally. It makes me so sad to see him hurt. I too was an emotional child, and I was an angry teen and I never felt so connected to someone as I do my son because I understand.
As for your four year old, believe me when I tell you that counseling has come a long way. My daughter Samma is in counseling (she is 5) because she is a "spirited" child to use a nice term for it and her and I clash like you wouldn't believe. I've never met a kid like her! So that being said, the counselor is awesome with her. She thinks she's in a play setting and loves to play with the toys, and the counselor meets with me during that time and we discuss family strategies we can use at home to help the two of us cope and deal with each other. She gives us great strategies and so far it has worked out wonderfully. She has no idea Melissa is her counselor. She just knows she goes to an office and plays while mommy talks. It's great!
I say go for it.......
Stace
Stacey
Loving Mom to Brendan (10), Samma (6), Delaney Kate (3) and Natalie "MiMi" (2)
Hi,
I had some emotional, anxious & bullying teacher problems in school too when I was young. It was after our family moved and I was a bit older than your DS. I remember how awful it felt to have a teacher pick on you though.
It sounds like your son's teacher may be a big part of the problem. She may give lip service to changing, but from the way you described her anger & resentment, I think that will remain as something your son picks up on. I think changing class now would be advisable, but you are closet to the situation.
Good-luck and welcome!
Smiles,
Dee
You know what Stacey, that is an excellent way of thinking of it. If you just immediately remove him from the situation it will teach him to just run away and not deal with it. I hear that anxiety is hereditary, and it does run in my family as well. At least he can relate to you, or vice-versa and you both can work through this. I remember I was also anxious when I was a child, I would get an upset stomach before school, the one time I actually threw up on my babysitters carpet before I got on the bus! I remember I cried because I was so embarrassed, and they felt so sorry for me. I just couldn't understand why I was so nervous! I feel for the little guy, and he's just got to remember to be tough, and that he has a family that loves him!
So when he cries before school, does he specify what he is so affraid of? Is it just his teacher? It's too bad that you couldn't sit in the classroom to see how it goes and how she treats him, but it wouldn't be of best interest of him because that would embarrass him and center him out. I'm sure you want him to feel very comfortable, and with a transfer, you are right that his schoolmates will question him.
The best option is to encourage him as much as possible, which I am sure that you do, and question him how everyday goes. Hopefully, things will improve. It's such a tender time in his life.
Hi, Stacey! I am sorry to hear about your ds. This is a situation that requires careful handling by a medical professional. Adult issues are the focus of our board & what we do as adults to help our anxiety might be very wrong for a child. Since we aren't professionals, I think that talking this over with a psychiatrist is the best thing to do. I know as a mom myself, you & I want the very best for our children.
Here's the links to the Children's Mental Health & Families & Mental Illness Boards. Good luck & GBU & your ds. (((hugs))) jan
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-pschildmentl/start
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-bhfamschiz
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