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| Sun, 12-17-2006 - 8:47pm |
Hi. I've also been MIA pretty much for some time now. I just finished my Patho final on the 7th, and I'm happy to report that I got an "A" in the class. Finally, someting looking up. I talked with my brother the other day from Cali, and he asked me if Nursing was something I'd really like to do. I said, "Yes." Funny thing about me saying "Yes" was that, like I told dh, I've been thinking yes for so long concernig my ability to do Nursing that I can't really seem to think anything else. So that's good.
Even when my mother was in one of her abusive moods, where she puts everyone down, I actually managed to rationalize her mood. This "mood" usually occurs when she thinks she's being ignored. Earlier this week, when I was having lunch with my parents, my dad was relating a story to my getting a good grade in Patho with how he had about to go back home during his finals on emergency leave (mother dying) while attending classes at the local community college back in the 70's, and how behind he was. Luckily, he passed, and then he was pretty much pepping me up, telling me how my strong determination actually caused me to get this "A." My mom, in the meantime, tried to butt in to my dad's conversation in the middle like she always does with people when she's not the center of attention saying something along the lines of, I don't listen to authority, and clinicals are tough, I can't handle it, but she did, because she's "Super Nurse." Then, afterwards, my dad and I talked about how my mom gets like this, and why she can't quit the behavior. I was surprised to learn that my mom barely passed her Nursing boards, and how (not surprisingly) most of her evaluations were just average.
I actually remember that from my childhood.
I grew up with this type of verbal abuse from my mom. Sometimes I wonder whether or not this had something to do w/my anxiety. Still though, I've made more of a conscious effort to think that this Nursing is my last chance, and I better make it work; hence, more of the effort to concentrate on my studies.
The twist though is that my mom is also helping me take care of my dd. Luckily, my dad counteracts her verbally abusive behavior with the "can do" attitude. I don't know what I'd do if my dad wasn't there with me in the room with my mom. I probably would go absolutely crazy!
Anyway, that's my story! Hope everyone is having a Happy Holiday!
Yaddiya

Sheri Ann
Thx for the update, Yaddiya. Glad you're doing well in school.
I just wanted to suggest a book that I finished reading recently. My mom & I never seem to be on the same page & I have noticed it with my own dd. It's a worthwhile read.
by Deborah Tannen Good luck! (((hugs))) jan
Jan,
Sounds like a book I should read. I was commenting to DH yesterday how much I'd like DD to see more of Grandma, yet I still feel like she's disappointed in me or critical and gets my anxiety up, so maybe living further away is not so bad. Sigh.
Smiles,
Dee
Yes, I'm on Christmas Break right now. Signed up to take two more courses before my intended date to enter the Nursing School (May '07). Don't know if I'll get in. In fact, I don't really have that much of a "Plan B." Probably will look into seeing if I can get more piano students to teach. Have one student right now that I teach on the weekends.
My mom does offer praise and encouragement. In fact, ironically enough, she was the one who told me about the 2nd Baccaulaureate Program, and was the one encouraging me to go in.
Yaddiya
WTG on the path grade! I know that's not an easy subject. It sounds like you will do fine and don't let your mother's gloom and doom get you.
But I do have a question regarding your mom taking care of your dd - I doubt you want to continue the cycle of emotional abuse with her. Even with your Dad around, she may be making comments that will hurt her self-esteem.
Do you have a chance of making other arrangements?
Yes, I know what you're referring to. I actually had this discussion with my dh not too long ago about my mother having this type of impact on my dd. We haven't really touched it since then.
I wish I could make other arrangements. My mother is 71 y.o., and still kicking. I also told my dad about those concerns. Sometimes the discussion goes to my dad's reasoning that she'll change to me asking my dad (through my dh) to make my mom go to therapy. My dh (not a medical professional) thinks that my mom has Alzheimer's and should go to therapy. Understand that I'm 34, and I can remember my mom pulling my hair when I was 10 and she was 47, blaming me for things that weren't my fault. My dh said that this type of behavior (Alzheimer's) can start in a person's 50's and still continue for years w/o realizing it. I asked my mom to go to therapy or treatment as did my dad, and she refuses saying that *I* or my dad are the ones who need to go to therapy.
I wish I could give my dd to a paid babysitter or daycare, but I have to agree with my dad that no one can take better care of my dd than him and my mother. My 6 month-old is very happy, and is thriving. I don't like the fact that my dd is not paid special attention to in a daycare and that a stranger is taking care of my dd. Even if I pay the babysitter $12/hour, I don't know what they may do. For all you know it may be worse. Anyway, I can't afford a babysitter. I could ask my SIL (dh's sister) to look after her when dd is older, but she has her business, and I think she could only look after her limited number of hours. Also, I would have to work full-time, if I get a Nursing Job, and therefore can't really watch after my dd. Yes, I could work part-time with a BSN, but I guess that remains to be seen with my dh's job.
I'm just praying right now for her to reach 5 or 6 y.o., and then hopefully she'll go to school and have limited contact with my mom. If I remember correctly it was around this time when I was 5 or 6 that I remember my mother more-or-less bad-mouthed my father telling me that he was stupid. It wasn't until I was about 9, that I realized that she was the one lying, and my father was the smarter of them two.
Thanks for the well wishes. Those are my thoughts.
Yaddiya