Monday Musing: Moving Beyond Appearances
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| Mon, 12-18-2006 - 12:06am |
Softening Judgment
It is our natural inclination to judge people, since it happens without our even thinking about it. We take one look and summarize a whole person-overweight, pretty, stylish, sloppy. This habit comes from the mind's need to categorize the world in order to be able to function without becoming overwhelmed. When we judge, we are looking for pertinent information, trying to determine whether the person approaching is a threat, an ally, or someone we don't need to worry about. This way of looking at people makes sense in a dangerous context, but in our daily lives it leads to an overly simplistic reading of the people we meet.
If you have ever judged someone dismissively, only to have them become a dear friend once you got to know them, you know the hazards of the judgment cycle firsthand. An experience like that may have led you to soften your natural tendency to believe your first impressions. We will always notice things about the people we meet, but as we become more conscious of the shortcomings of judgment, we won't be satisfied with our surface observations. We may notice that someone is driving an expensive car, but we will decide whether to befriend her based on getting to know her over time. We will not rule out a friendship with someone with messy hair, especially if he turns out to have a great sense of humor and a kind heart. Liking or disliking a person is a choice you will naturally make, but it will be after you have gotten to know them.
Next time you notice yourself judging somebody, try to send love, light, or blessings to the person you were judging. Then try to listen to them openly or look them in the eye and learn something about them. If this is not easy for you, remember not to judge yourself either. Trust that with practice, you will successfully disable your habitual patterns. As you do, you will find a whole new dimension of perception opening up to you, allowing you to see beyond the surface and into the essence of the people you meet.
DailyOM


Very good advice! I have to agree 100% with that because I certainly have experienced that before.
When I first started dating my dh, I didn't care of his mother and step-dad too much and much preferred his Dad and step-mom. However, within the next 10 years I grew to dislike his Dad and really became close with his Mom and Step-dad. Of course, his Mom stopped drinking which changed her personality completely and there was a wonderful person underneath.
Also, I have a friend whose dh had a problem with the law and had gotten arrested. It did cause some town scandal, but based on the caliber of the people who had stayed friends with them and supported her I decided not to be too hasty in my judgement. I know they probably lost a lot of friends. But I decided not to be judgemental, knowing she wouldn't have stayed with her dh if things hadn't changed. And I am so glad I stayed friends because she has been wonderful to us. And things seem to be fine with them.