ex bf? cause to anxiety?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2006
ex bf? cause to anxiety?
6
Sun, 12-24-2006 - 9:13am

hi everyone
i have been thinking a lot about the "root" to my anxiety problem. i have a wonderful boyfriend now and we have been together for 7 wonderful months, he treats me like im his world and does all he can to help me through anything. i have been through a lot in my life so far and he hasnt had to experience many of them but he still tries to be there for me even though he hasnt first hand experienced it.

anyways, before him i was dating this guy for about 8 months. we were so attracted and in lust with eachother that we decided to go "ring shopping" after only like 3 or 4 months. itwas stupid we had barely known each other but we were sure we were meant to be. well needless to say the longer we dated to more things i realized i didnt like about him. he was sooooo needy and never let me have any time to myself any of my time not spent at work had to be with him or he threw the worst fit ever. it was rediculous i felt smothered by him and he couldnt see why. he felt like i didnt love him like heloved me but i tried to tell him just cause i want some time to myself everynow and then doesnt mean i dont love you as much. i had no friends anymore because he was so jelous he always assumed i was lying or cheating. which in the beggining i wasnt but as time went on i didnt love him anymore but he refused to let me leave him so i would lie and go see friends behind his back and then soon i met someone and we kissed while iw as dating the other guy. i didnt feel bad at all because i felt like he made me not love him anymore. he was abusive too. one day i was trying to be nice and i went to see him on his break from classes since i live 5 min from the college. we were sitting in the car since it was raining and he grabbed my phone and saw i had been talking to some old friends from previous jobs and flipped. he tried taking my phone away and leaving my car and i fought him for it i jumped on him and wouldnt let go of the phone so he hit me in the nose and it started bleeding everywhere. iwanted to go to the hospital because he had busted it and i had cuts on both sides and swollen but he refused because he knew they would call the cops. not too long after that i left him and was with the guy i had kissed. not dating just hanging out. then my ex, who lives like 40 min away would drive all the way out to my house just to see if i was home and drive by with his lound car and skreach his tires. so stupid but i became so afraid i always had to have someone walk me to my door and i was always paraniod of being home alone.

thinking back i think that he is the root to why i became to anxious and having these panic attacks all the time.
any imput?

love,
melissa

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Sun, 12-24-2006 - 9:36am

Yes, I would say there is definitely a relationship between your anxiety & your prior relationship.

Sheri Ann

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Sun, 12-24-2006 - 11:11am

That's a shame Melissa, that your ex was abusive. Of course it could be contributing to your anxiety. The good thing is that you are out of that relationship. However, to deal with what you're feeling, I have found talking it over with a therapist is the best. I think you mentioned that you see one in a previous post. It's always helpful to have someone point out patterns of behavior that you can learn to change.


Sometimes abuse leaves scars for a lifetime. There are some excellent boards on iVillage that can help you with what you have been through & how to live a better life without abuse. Just click on the links: http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-bhabuse?ice=ivl,searchmb


http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rldomesting?ice=ivl,searchmb


http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rlmakeitstop?ice=ivl,searchmb

 

 


 



iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2005
Wed, 01-03-2007 - 5:58pm

Oh my goodness Melissa, I am so glad I came across your post because I think I am going through the exact same thing. I know you posted it a few weeks ago, but I had to reply.

Heres my story...I suppose I have always suffered from anxiety/panic attacks because it runs in the family, but the past week it has been creeping up on me and getting very horrible to the point where I had to start my meds (prozac) again. I have been in 3 relationships, the first two were fine, they didn't work out of coarse, but the last relationship I was in was horrible. He was *normal* at first, but then by three months he was the one who took me ring shopping and I freaked out. I tried breaking it off, but he wouldn't take no for an answer. He would show up at my work, call me constantly, show up at friends houses, I had to end up changing my phone number, but he somehow found the new one out anyway. I know I have mental problems, but he really really really does. I was finally able to get rid of him by about last May/June and I was just single for a few months hanging out woth friends. Well I met this new guy around Oct. and we started dating. Things were going great the first few months then all of a sudden I got hit with so much anxiety and panic about beggining a new relationship. Now I'm confused as to whether or not I really don't want a relationship right now or I just am so freaked out because of the last experience and what I had to go through. I hate this though because this new guy is such an amazing person and I don't want to loose my chance ya know? I hate how anxiety controls my life. It's the yuckiest feeling ever. So what are your thoughts? Do you think I have caused myself situational anxiety/panics about starting a relationship again? Any thoughts are very welcomed!!! Thanks everyone.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Wed, 01-03-2007 - 6:54pm

I find that once I get anxious in a situation, the anxiety returns when faced with a similar situation.

Sheri Ann

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2006
Thu, 01-04-2007 - 10:14am

Dont worry, in time everything will be ok. Go out with your new boyfriend, have a good time and the more time goes on and the better times you have with friends and yur new guy the earier it will get to forget about your ex. I know it is hard, and i left mine for good in March and just recently in December i have found that i dont ever think about him anymore. I dont let him get the best of me anymore. whenever thought of him come up just know that he cant hurt you anymore and think of all the good things in your life right now. I have been through so much in my life so far. I was a horrible daughter up until i was about 18 which was only 2 years ago. I ran away, did all kidna of drugs, slept with too many guys because i was so high or drunk i didnt know what was going on, got institutionalized for a weekend cause i was caught by the police. smoked cigarettes. cursed at my family all the time, and was always rude to people that didnt deserve it, and trust me it has been a long hard road to get to where i am now. i have grown so much, im such a good person now and i love helping people as much as i can. i know things are going to be alright. if i can make it through all of that and those hard regrets than i knwo you can do it with your ex. it will just take time and love to get you there. my family has been very supportive and my mom has been thruogh exactly what i have been through with my "biological father" he was abusive we had to hide and run from him all the time. and my mom is a wonderful person now. you jsut have to have confidence in yourself that you can do this. he doesnt deserve to ruin your life. the best years of your life.
let me know if i can help you anymore.
i am always here

love,
melissa

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2005
Thu, 01-04-2007 - 12:23pm

Melissa, You and I are a lot alike I am 20 as well (I will be 21 in March). I have somehow found myself in the wrong group of friends too that in the long run I know is not good for me. Now i'm at that cross road where I don't know what to do. I love them as people and I truly care about them, but I guess i'm just growing up and realizing that going down the "party" path is going to hurt me in the long run. They are all pot heads and smoke weed all day long. When you have anxiety like I do smoking weed makes it worse and can actually cause anxiety to be worse. My "best friend" is also my room mate and it's really hard when your in the situation I am in when you come home and there are 20 people you don't even know smoking weed and drinking. It is just not a good environment and the whole situation is making my anxiety worse. So now i'm at the point where I don't want to live there anymore, but how do I just pick up and leave? I don't want to just leave her on her ass. I should have known what I was getting myself into in the first place. Of coarse all my friends don't approve of me having a new boyfriend, they want me to party with them. They think well she is going to be 21 why wouldn't she want to party with us and go to bars and be single, but we are just in different places in our lives and want different things and they don't understand that. They have never experienced anxiety like I have so they don't know how differently smoking weed and binge drinking effects me. Don't get me wrong I like to have a few cocktails, but not every night, not beer bongs and keg stands and bong hits of weed. I'm just so confused with my life right now. Uugh, thanks for letting me vent.

I am very glad I found this board, you guys are great.