my story

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2006
my story
16
Fri, 12-29-2006 - 9:58pm
Hi,
I'm glad I have found this website because I am feeling very alone.
I recently experienced a very horrible situation at my job that caused a severe Anxiety attack that put me in the hospital. About 8 months ago I reported my Supervisor to my HR department after she verbally attacked me. Since then she has made my life at work a living hell. Last month she threatened me and tried to force me out of the company with personal money. The situation became worse and worse for approx. 2 weeks when I finally had the opportunity to report her again to the VP as well as HR. Needless to say she retaliated again by calling me a liar and actually having the nerve to discriminate towards me right in front of a HR representive! I suffered the attack right there at the job and was taken off to the emergency room where they medicated me and watched me for a few hours. Ever since this incident on 12/1 I have not been the same. Every day I cry and shake. I am re-living this nightmare all day. I wake myself up in the middle of the night with nightmares and trying to catch my breathe. My stomach hurts everyday and I have headaches. Everyday I have to force myself to even brush my teeth. This Christmas was so depressing for me, I feel bad for my Husband and Son because they see me like this.
I started to take Lexapro last week and my Doctor also prescribed Xanax at night. I am not sure if the medication is helping me yet since the only change I see so far is in my appetite (less of) and being more tired than usual.
Next week I will start therapy to hopefully help me get through this. I have never experienced anxiety or depression before in my life and I never would imagine that something like this could actually rock my world and change everything.
I have been a dedicated employee to this company for 6 years, I have so many friends there that its been hard to accept. I have been avoiding all of their calls and emails, I can't speak to them about this , its still too hard.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
In reply to: cc714
Fri, 12-29-2006 - 11:03pm

Hello! Welcome to our caring community. You are NOT alone. Most everyone who posts here can tell about some sort of trauma, illness, loss

 

 


 



Avatar for peoplearenuts
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: cc714
Sat, 12-30-2006 - 12:04am

Welcome. It sounds like you have really had a rough time. I'm glad you are getting help. I am also on Lexapro - it was rough the first couple of weeks - I think it actually made my anxiety worse for a few days. I also had no appetite and I had to force myself to eat (Carnation instant breakfast was a godsend, at least it got some calories into me). After about 2-3 weeks the side effects wore off and I feel so much better now.

I know what you mean about feeling bad about your dh and son, but they love you and will see you through this. Just reassure your son that you are under a doctor's care and will be feeling better soon. That's what I told my kids - they pick up on so much and are very sensitive.

Are you seeing a therapist in addition to your regular doctor? That is an important part of recovery - it sounds like this work situation was very traumatic. The medications help a lot but I think that talking these things through with a professional is just as important.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2006
In reply to: cc714
Sun, 12-31-2006 - 10:38am

Hi,
Thank you so much for replying to me. It really helps me when others can help me try to understand what is going on. I am seeking therapy, my first appt. is Jan 2nd. I am sort of nervous about this appointment because I've never had to do this before but I feel its really going to help, maybe more so than the meds.

I just wish this whole thing could go away. My Family and Friends have been very supportive. Since my son is only 6 I think he still really does not understand which is difficult. Unfortunately he had to witness me in the hosiptal which he brings up every so often.

I think once I can accept that this event had nothing to do with me and that sometimes in life you are going to have to face "bullies" I can start to move on,,,,right now I still cannot believe and keep asking the question "why".

I think this year more than usual I am looking forward to celebrating a New and Better Year.

I Wish you and you Family all the Best in the coming year.

Happy New Year!
CC

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2004
In reply to: cc714
Sun, 12-31-2006 - 10:51am

Hi,

Welcome! I'm sorry you've been going through this. I had a problem with a bully at my second job when I was younger & didn't know how to handle it; I ended up quitting and was bothered by it for a long time.

It sounds like you do have support from friends at work. I know it's hard, but I bet you'd feel better reading their emails and getting back in touch.

Please come and talk anytime :)

Smiles,
Dee

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2006
In reply to: cc714
Sun, 12-31-2006 - 10:54am

Hi Jan,
Thank you so much for replying to me. It means alot and helps to know that other's are out there that can help me understand what is going on with me.

My Friends and Family have been very supportive. I am not sure if they completely understand what I am going through and feeling but they have all been there for me and check up on me daily.

I am seeking therapy, my first appt. is Jan 2nd. I am alittle nervous about this, I have never been to a therapist so I am not sure what to expect. I still get very emotional when I have to tell my story, I also start to lose my breathe and one of legs starts to shake. I am hoping that the Lexapro will start to help me with these symptoms. The xanax does help me sleep, until about 4am when I usually wake up in a sweat. I think I am going to try and start to take that medication later in the evening so I can get through the night.

As far as work goes, I have not returned. I am seeking legal representation and currently I have applied for workmans compensation. Financially we should be okay for a few months but I am not sure what is going to happen after that. I clearly cannot go back to this company, the idea of that brings on anxiety immediately. My Lawyers believe I have a strong case since this is a big public company but its hard for me to feel any comfort out of that. I just want to be able to feel better again and not find it a struggle to just get through the day.

I am forcing myself to join a Family New Years Eve Party this evening, I would rather crawl into bed and not come out until things are better. I am trying to be strong for my Family, I feel bad when my 6 year old see's me like this.

Thank you again for listening to me.
I wish you and your loved ones all the BEST in the New Year.

Happy New Year and God Bless!
CC

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2006
In reply to: cc714
Sun, 12-31-2006 - 11:03am

Hi Dee,
Thank you so much for replying to me.
I do want to reach out to my Friends at work but because I am still having problemes discussing this matter without breaking down and losing my breathe I am scared to upset them and make it difficult for them at work. Unfortunately they still need to report to this Woman and I am worried that she may find out they know something and she will start to hurt them as well.
Hopefully when I start to feel better and things calm down I can reach out to them. Its hard accepting that the last day there after 6 years ending with an exit in an ambulance. There is some blame and embarrasement that I need to get over, I keep trying to tell myself (as well as my Family and Friends telling me) that this is not my fault but right now I can't believe that.

Thanks again Dee!
I wish you and your loved ones a very Happy and Healthly New Year!
CC

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
In reply to: cc714
Sun, 12-31-2006 - 1:20pm
The first session is more than likely a meet 'n greet with the exchanging of information. You will be kind of nervous, as it's not easy to share your feelings with a stranger. But, as time goes on you will look forward to your visits. It's a grand feeling to be able to share your thoughts with someone who is non-judgemental & supportive. Someone who has heard everything & is trained to help you see new ways to cope with your feelings. I wish you well. Only 2 more days! Please keep in touch. We'd like to know your impressions. Happy New Year to you & your's! (((hugs))) jan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
In reply to: cc714
Sun, 12-31-2006 - 8:28pm

Your story sounds so much like mine that it kind of freaked me out at first!

Sheri Ann

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2006
In reply to: cc714
Wed, 01-03-2007 - 6:28pm

Hi Sheri Ann,
Thanks for replying to me.
It's strange how we all deal with things in life. I had some rough years, losing people that were close to me so it makes it hard to understand how something like this could really rock my world. I believe part of this is that this person really took away my confidence and ability to trust. I spent so much of my life working towards my career and I let someone like her rip it away from me.
I started seeking therapy yesterday, it went well.
The Doctor increase my dosage of lexapro because he feels the dosage I was taking was too low. I hope that the medication kicks in soon, I went to be able to move on from this whole ordeal.

Are you doing better now?

Take care!
CC

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
In reply to: cc714
Wed, 01-03-2007 - 9:29pm

I'm happy to hear that therapy went well for you.

Sheri Ann

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