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| Sat, 12-30-2006 - 4:51pm |
I came to my dad's for my weekend off and my brother lives with him. I couldn't sleep until my brother went to sleep (6 in the morning) because I have my laptop and some personal items in the house with me. I do not trust him. When we were teens and I started working and buying myself things, he would steal anything and everything he could get his hands on to have money for drugs. Just seeing his face or hearing his voice stresses me out and it makes me so sad because after all, he is my baby brother and I do love him. I really don't like him though. I don't really talk to him at all while I am here. I feel really guilty if I don't come to my dad's house to visit although I don't understand why. I work for my dad, I usually share hotel rooms with him to save money, I see him quite often. Yesterday when we were leaving work for the weekend I could have easily driven in the opposite direction and gone to visit my friends in the town where I grew up. I almost did, but I felt such guilt over leaving my dad with my brother for the weekend.
I slept with all of my personal belongings right next to me. I didn't sleep very well, kind of keeping an ear out for my brother to try something. And when I woke up I almost instantly felt anxious. I am just so sick of anxiety! But I know that at this point no matter where I would have woken up something would have caused a trigger. It's been getting bad lately. I know I need help but I can't get it right now. I don't know what to do...

I am sorry to hear this): What coping skills did you use in the past that helped when you were anxious? Is there anything practical that you can do, such as carry a lock for the door when you stay with your dad & your db is there? Can you lock your belongings in your car?
I noticed in your profile that you want to learn to put yourself first. Most of us with anxiety have a tough time doing that. But it's essential to regain our balance & keep ourselves well. Maybe staying with your dad is an option when your db isn't there. Perhaps