Im back-Its Donna :(
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| Mon, 01-01-2007 - 4:41pm |
i CANT EVEN POST RIGHT-I PUT THIS IN THE WRONG AREA IN DISCUSSIONS
Hi SherriAnn, Jan and everyone else. I havent been around a while. Im no longer in Fl, we are in NJ and I have had a very hard time adjusting. Remember we were supposed to move to NC? Well, I have had a terrible relapse in anxiety right around the time we were to move. My husband sprung on me he didnt want to live in NC and I would have rather cut off my arm than move back to NJ but my marriage was at stake. I started drinking very heavy again. Thats the main reason I disappeared. My anxiety coincides with drinking and I fought it for a while. After several trips back to Fl, we are finally moved in to our temporary house. We have the Fl house rented but now my husband is laid off until March and we are struggling again. The feeling of my dying has never been stronger. Im still on 10 mg of Lexapro and my dr wanted to up it to 20 and I was too afraid. Ever since I saw my dad have his heart attack, I feel Im going to be punished and have one too. My DH doesnt understand. The anxiety has been so bad, I have 2 yr old and Im actually going to type up a will and and a living will. I have tightness in my chest, a pain in my leg that Im convinced is Thrombosis. Oh....another reason for my anxiety you will probably think is stupid. When we left NJ for Fl, I was a size 6. Im now a 14-16 and Im so afraid of seeing my DH friends again. I know they are saying they knew we would be back but wait until they see how big I am. He is working out and getting in shape and I really am happy for him but its putting me further further in the dumps. My dr gave me xanax again but my pharmacy is mail order and I still didnt get them. Im so sorry this is so long. I miss being here and it took a lot to get me typing. Dh is talking about having another baby, yeah right.
Is chat still on Thurs?
Donna

((((Donna))))
Hi I don't think we've met. I found the board a few months ago. Please, please call a doctor or a hotline about your thoughts. You owe it to your littl girl, self & DH. There is help out there. I'm so glad you came back here to post. Jan, Sheri Ann and the group here are so nice. There are people who care about you!
Moving can be so stressful, maybe when you have a chance to settle in more things will be better.
My DD just turned 3years and is quite a handful. Sometimes it helps me though to see how open and happily she approaches life. It reminds me how much good there is in life, if only we relax enough to see it.
Hugs and please talk to someone. A friend, pastor/mentor or a group like AA, and keep writing here too, we care.
Hugs, you and your family are in my thoughts,
Dee
(((Donna))) I was wondering where you disappeared to!
Sheri Ann
hi donna,
its good to hear from you again.
Wow it sounds like you have had a really rough time. Moving is so stressful, plus it seems as though it's related to some marital difficulties too. Do you go to AA or anything to help with your drinking? There is a lot of that related to depression on my husband's side of the family and it is rough.
I did want to say that your idea of typing up a will and a living will is a very good one. In IL, if you and your spouse die without specifying who gets custody of your kids they become wards of the state. Which is a pretty scary thought. Not sure what the laws are in other states, but I always encourage my friends to get their affairs in order. NOLO sells a kit that you can use to make up a will (you can probably find it in a bookstore) - you just have to make sure you have it witnessed by two other people while you sign it to make it legal. Then make sure that those close to you know where it is just in case. I know it's hard to think about these things but it really is the best thing you can do for your family.
Are you exercising? I was telling my dh (who is also on antidepressants like me) that it is such an important part of getting the meds to do what they're supposed to do. It really helps to get the endorphins going and make you feel better. When I first came down with my anxiety/panic disorder I stopped working out. My doctor asked why I wasn't working out and I said I was so tired. He said "You have to make yourself do it. It's a self fulfilling prophecy - you stop working out because you're tired, then you are tired and run down because you're not working out." I thought it was very good advice.
WB, Donna. Sorry to hear what you're going through): It's very much in your favor to have posted again. It was difficult, but you did it! Whoo hoo, gf!
Thank you so much for your welcome! I remember just how helpful this board was and Im not straying again. And no one judges me, I can be honest about my deamons. My drinking is sparidiac. Im not trying to justify it by all means. I guess you would call it binge drinking. I went about 2 months starting with beer then vodka then after we moved I just stopped. I stopped because I realize the anxiety is linked. The hang over makes my heart pound and the feeling of dread. I mean it when I say I have never mixed it with xanax. I really do know better and I would speak the truth here. So...Im on the up and up...again. no drinking...ok, I had a glass of wine NYE but nothing like I was. Im back here and that is positive. My anxiety comes in the form of health anxiety. At times I would bet anything I have a major disease, a stroke or heart attack minutes away. I hope no one took my original post as I was suicidal. Not at all. My fear of dying is not at my own hand but health issues. AA....I was married to an alcholic (read my bio for the winded story) and I was/am so happy I broke the cycle. Prior to Oct, I felt in control of my drinking. I can admit when Im out of control. In control meaning social glass of wine not excessive to mask my pain. AA scares me. Its like admitting Im not in control if that makes sense. Anyway, I got an ab roller for x-mas. Hard to walk where I live, alot of cars, traffic but I can use my husbands machines.
Thank you lovely ladies for still being there. HEATHER-your new baby is absolutely beautiful! I only hope I can get myself back mentally where I can fathom having another child. Oh...excellent advice on the will. I know it needs to be done regardless of what drives me to. Thank you for the reference.
Love to all-
Donna
PS-had to move my mother last night, missed chat. soweee!