Delurking

Avatar for why1040
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Delurking
11
Wed, 01-03-2007 - 2:14pm

Hi,

I've been lurking here for a couple of months, not really daring to post, as it was a new board for me. But I went to chat last night as I needed some support, and you were all so nice to me there, I thought I'd be brave and delurk on the board too.

My name is Chris, and I'm 32 and live in the UK. I'm Scandinavian originally, but grew up partly in the US (CT). By the time I was 17, we'd moved on average every 4 years of my life, which has contributed to a very strong feeling of not belonging, and a certain social phobia.

From the age of 12 to 16 I was bullied mercilessly, including an SA by several of the boys in my class at the age of 14. When we finally moved to the UK when I was 16, I was already suffering depression, incredible anxiety about anything unknown, I had a tendency towards self harm, and suicidal urges, but I wasn't ready to accept that I needed help.

At 22, I finally sought out my first counsellor, and ended up on meds after an OD. I've been through several counsellors, psychiatrists, therapists and meds in the 10 years or so in between. I've gone through phases of being "OK" and not seeing anyone or taking anything, but if I'm completely honest, these were only times of hibernation until I was ready to tackle the next layer.

I'm now seeing the most fabulous counsellor, and I'm starting to get my head straight. I am learning to see what causes so many of my problems, and I'm starting to understand that I CAN get on top of them, eventually. It's a very exciting time, but also very hard work sometimes! My depression is a lot better, and despite December being my most triggery and difficult month, I have stayed safe almost throughout all of it. My anxiety comes and goes, depending on what I'm doing, but it goes more than it used to. Unfortunately, I still have a lot of things that cause me very high levels of anxiety though, and I fluctuate wildly at times! Socially, I am starting to learn how to make friends again, though I still find it very difficult. I dislike crowds, though I can cope with them as long as I have some sense of control. Oh yes, I'm a control freak!

Family wise, I am single again after recently breaking off a 21 month long relationship. I don't do children unless they're well behaved and I can hand them back when they're difficult or need changing, but I have two furbabies. My dog is a constant source of amusement and love, and she never stops wagging her tail. My horse is another abused soul, and we have our ups and downs, but as he needs riding every day, he keep me grounded and gets me out of the house, regardless of how I'm feeling! I've also just finished a BA in Equine Industry Management, having been what they here call a "mature student" and I'm looking for my own farm where I can keep horses.

I love the support and care that is evident on this board, and hope to share in it-from both sides.

Keep shining,

Chris

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2003
In reply to: why1040
Wed, 01-03-2007 - 2:32pm

hi chris,


just wanted to say welcome to the board:) i missed last nights chat, but its nice to "meet" you!


my name is heather, i have severe panic disorder, GAD, and mild depression.

Avatar for why1040
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
In reply to: why1040
Wed, 01-03-2007 - 6:42pm

Hi, and thanks for your kind welcome!

You have two gorgeous children! I couldn't do that, not in a million years (have kids, i mean)! Fur babies are quite enough for me!

Hormones do play a part in mine-I'm always worse at certain times of the month, and for a long time I was on the Oral Contraceptive Pill to help keep that a bit more under control. I'm off it at the moment (well, no worries about getting pregnant here, anyway), and so far i'm doing ok, but it does seem to increase month by month, so we'll see how it goes.

Good to "meet" you!

Keep shining,

Chris

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2005
In reply to: why1040
Wed, 01-03-2007 - 7:28pm

Chris we so much enjoyed having you at chat last night. Anymore nights of insomnia please come to chat again. We enjoyed having you there with us. You helped us and I hope we were of help to you also. I know personally I enjoyed talking with you and hope the feeling was the same for you. Take care of yourself and take time each day just for you it does help knowing you are important also.

Keitha

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2004
In reply to: why1040
Wed, 01-03-2007 - 7:43pm

Hi Chris,

Welcome! It was great to talk with you in chat. :)

Smiles,
Dee

Avatar for why1040
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
In reply to: why1040
Wed, 01-03-2007 - 8:00pm

Hi again Keitha, so lovely of you to post! I'm blushing here!

Yes, I found it very helpful talking to you, it's so nice having someone who understands and doesn't judge that anxiety, the panic, the whole package, as it were.

I have difficulties with the idea of personal importance, but it is an area I'm addressing, among several others! So thank you so much for reinforcing that :o)

Keep shining

Chris

Avatar for why1040
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
In reply to: why1040
Wed, 01-03-2007 - 8:01pm

Hi Dee,

Thank you, it was lovely talking to you too!

Keep shining,

Chris

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
In reply to: why1040
Wed, 01-03-2007 - 9:05pm

Hi Chris, welcome!

Sheri Ann

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
In reply to: why1040
Thu, 01-04-2007 - 12:11pm

Hi, Chris! We love de-lurkers only second to newbies in chat;) Hope to hear lots from you & see you again! GL&GBU! (((hugs))) jan


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Avatar for ready2go2000
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: why1040
Thu, 01-04-2007 - 12:24pm
Hey Chris, I am so happy to see someone I know here. I know both of us recently started up with these boards again, and well I am glad we both found this one. I find this place to be constantly active, always kind, and non-judgemental.
I truly believe both of us will get what we are looking for.
Kristina (seeing you here has put a smile on me)

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Avatar for why1040
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
In reply to: why1040
Thu, 01-04-2007 - 12:36pm

Hi Jan, and thanks for your lovely welcome, it made me go all warm and fuzzy! Which is useful, because I'm frozen solid as I just came inside from riding my horse and it's COLD out there!

Keep shining,

Chris

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