Delurking

Avatar for why1040
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Delurking
11
Wed, 01-03-2007 - 2:14pm

Hi,

I've been lurking here for a couple of months, not really daring to post, as it was a new board for me. But I went to chat last night as I needed some support, and you were all so nice to me there, I thought I'd be brave and delurk on the board too.

My name is Chris, and I'm 32 and live in the UK. I'm Scandinavian originally, but grew up partly in the US (CT). By the time I was 17, we'd moved on average every 4 years of my life, which has contributed to a very strong feeling of not belonging, and a certain social phobia.

From the age of 12 to 16 I was bullied mercilessly, including an SA by several of the boys in my class at the age of 14. When we finally moved to the UK when I was 16, I was already suffering depression, incredible anxiety about anything unknown, I had a tendency towards self harm, and suicidal urges, but I wasn't ready to accept that I needed help.

At 22, I finally sought out my first counsellor, and ended up on meds after an OD. I've been through several counsellors, psychiatrists, therapists and meds in the 10 years or so in between. I've gone through phases of being "OK" and not seeing anyone or taking anything, but if I'm completely honest, these were only times of hibernation until I was ready to tackle the next layer.

I'm now seeing the most fabulous counsellor, and I'm starting to get my head straight. I am learning to see what causes so many of my problems, and I'm starting to understand that I CAN get on top of them, eventually. It's a very exciting time, but also very hard work sometimes! My depression is a lot better, and despite December being my most triggery and difficult month, I have stayed safe almost throughout all of it. My anxiety comes and goes, depending on what I'm doing, but it goes more than it used to. Unfortunately, I still have a lot of things that cause me very high levels of anxiety though, and I fluctuate wildly at times! Socially, I am starting to learn how to make friends again, though I still find it very difficult. I dislike crowds, though I can cope with them as long as I have some sense of control. Oh yes, I'm a control freak!

Family wise, I am single again after recently breaking off a 21 month long relationship. I don't do children unless they're well behaved and I can hand them back when they're difficult or need changing, but I have two furbabies. My dog is a constant source of amusement and love, and she never stops wagging her tail. My horse is another abused soul, and we have our ups and downs, but as he needs riding every day, he keep me grounded and gets me out of the house, regardless of how I'm feeling! I've also just finished a BA in Equine Industry Management, having been what they here call a "mature student" and I'm looking for my own farm where I can keep horses.

I love the support and care that is evident on this board, and hope to share in it-from both sides.

Keep shining,

Chris

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Avatar for why1040
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
In reply to: why1040
Thu, 01-04-2007 - 12:39pm

Yay! Hi Kristina, good to see you here too!

I noticed you'd posted before, but wasn't in a headspace to do anything then. You know how it goes!

Oh, and I like putting smiles on peoples' faces, especially when they're great people :o)

Keep shining,

Chris

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