I am about to lose it

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2007
I am about to lose it
3
Thu, 01-04-2007 - 1:19am
4 out of 5 of my children were molested by my sisters son a few years ago. One of my sons asked to go back to counseling. I did right away and he thanks me every friday that I took him. My son is having a problem being around him right now so I wrote my sister to let her know how my son was feeling in hopes that she would not let her son sit behind us in church and not be around on the holidays. Her other son molested my brothers 2 girls this past summer and he was not at my moms for Thanksgiving or Christmas (she wouldn't let him). But the one that did this to my kids has never had to stay home. Since she did nothing, I wrote a note to her son and told him how my son was feeling in hopes he would take it on himself to move to another place in church and stay away from him. I was not nasty and did not tell him what to do, just how my son was feeling. My mom and sister will not see it from my sons side. He can't help his feeling and they all know he suffers from anxiety but they still expect him to just get over it. He is 8 yrs old and this has caused headaches. I have tried to explain to them that he should be able to go to his grandmas without worring about that. His cousin was able to when he was his age. They say things like (the cousin that did this) he was young, he went to counseling, he says he won't do it again, he is sorry and the one that gets me most is we teach our kids that no one is aloud to touch them but we don't tell them not to touch anyone else (duh-That is about the dumbest thing I have ever heard). They want everything to go back to the way it was. I can't do that. I will never let either of her boys be around my kids alone again. We are no longer speaking. I am so sick of feeling like we did the wrong when her son did this and I feel that the least he could do is is stay away from my kids. This seems to just get worse over time instead of better. I can't sleep any more and I do a lot of crying. I feel I am losing it sometimes. I really don't know what to do any more. If anyone has any advice that can help I would grately appreciate it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2004
Thu, 01-04-2007 - 9:11am

Wow, this seems like an awful situation...how old is your nephew? It would seem like more should be done within the system, court ordered counseling or charges pressed, especially if he is still abusing kids within the family. It don't matter if he is still a kid, he will turn into an adult predator soon enough and needs to be stopped. Have you considered whether he has been abused also? I have read that those who are abused may turn into abusers. Maybe there is another reason your other adult relatives are being so blase about this...I would be really careful with your kids and the other relatives.

Can you get a restraining order? Then he/his mother would have to avoid your family & less disruption for you guys.

I'm sorry, but I would avoid him completely, even if it meant avoiding family functions, changing churches or talking to the pastor/minister about it.

I'm glad your kids have gotten therapy. I hope you feel free to come here and talk about your anxiety or your son's. This is a great group...I think there are also sexual abuse/survivor boards on ivillage that might be more help for that part of it. This might be a trigger for other survivors with anxiety and not the best place to discuss that problem. (or maybe put a warning in the post title)

Hugs,
Dee

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Thu, 01-04-2007 - 12:51pm

Hello! I am sorry to hear what is happening to you & your family. That is very frightening. As Dee posted, some of the issues you raise have legal implications. Have you consulted an attorney?

 

 


 



iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2007
Thu, 01-04-2007 - 1:36pm
I want to thank both of you for your replies. I never thought about this may bother someone else. If it has, it was the LAST thing I wanted to do. And I am sooo sorry. I did search for an hour before I found this area. I couldn't find anything else that was close to what I wanted. Since my son's anxiety is what seems to be the reason this is still bothering him I thought this is where I could get some help. Some of the other peoples postings that I read did help me realize more of what my son's anxiety is like for him. His cousin is now 17 and he has been to counseling. But i don't want to go on any more so that I won't hurt anyone else. I also wanted to thank you for the link that is better suited for me. I will try there. Again, I hope this hasn't hurt anyone in here. GOD BLESS EVERYONE AND I WISH YOU ALL A HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!