"home" versus home

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2005
"home" versus home
7
Mon, 01-08-2007 - 2:43pm

Hello everyone, I hope you all had a wonderful weekend.

I'm not sure if any of you have read my other posts, but if you have you know that I have been suffering from anxitey and panic since around Christmas time. This isn't the first time I have suffered, it has come and gone since I was about 17. I'm usually able to get it under control, but when I do I need to figure out the root or the problem for why it has gotten so bad. I started prozac a couple weeks ago, but it seems like it's not working yet. I have another appointment on the 22nd so hopefully my doctor and I can figure something out.

I moved out with a friend the end of September, I guess at the time I was just kind of doing her a favor because she really needed a room mate so I thought I would help her out, but I should have known what I was getting myself into. Things were going okay, but this was about the same time I started dating a new guy so I think all of the sudden changes so quickly have contributed to my anxiety that has recently come back. This girl as well as all her friends are big pot heads. I'm not saying I have never smoked weed, but I believe it can lead to anxiety/panic and sometimes it makes my anxiety worse. Everytime I come home there are 15 people I don't know, smoking weed and drinking. It's just not a comfortable environment. I just never even want to go home, and I get anxiety just thinking about it. I haven't slept there in like two months because a few times when I did I got woken up at two in the morning by loud drunk people. So I have been staying at my parents or my boyfriend's house. I have expressed how I feel to her, but she just doesn't understand why I don't want to be partying there with her having a "good time". She has never experienced anxiety so she doesn't know how drugs and alcohol can affect me differently. I want to move back home to my real home (my parents house) so bad. I feel comfortable there like I have somewhere to feel at home. I hate the thought of all my belongings being at the apartment because I'm never there and who knows who is going through my stuff while i'm not around. I'm still paying rent so basically I'm paying for her parties and for storage space. I just don't know how to go about telling her i'm moving back to my parents because she is still my friend and I care about her and don't want her to feel like i'm dumping her on her ass or burning her. I know she means well, but all in all I think we are just different people who want different things right now. I'm in a sticky situation because she can't afford it on her own. What do I do now? Any advice/suggestions? I know in the long run I need to make myself happy and control my anxiety, but how do I do it?

Thanks everyone for taking the time to read.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2004
Mon, 01-08-2007 - 4:40pm

Hi,

I would move back out of the place with your friend. That does not sound like an arrangement that is doing you any good. If she knows that her and her friends behaviour is bothering you and won't stop, then you have no reason to feel bad about moving out for that reason. If you like your independence, maybe find another place or move back home temporarily to apartment hunt. I'm sure your folks would rather you do that then get involved with smoking or drups and if you are home a lot now, it probably wouldn't be a big deal, especially if you explain.

Smiles,
Dee

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Mon, 01-08-2007 - 6:10pm

There is no doubt that alcohol & pot can trigger anxiety. Do NOT feel sorry for this girl because she can't pay for the apartment on her own. She is NOT feeling anything @ all for you. You don't have a home that is safe & healthy because of her. How can you possibly get the sleep you need or have a workable level of stress?


If you have a lease, signed by both of you, then you will have to pay what the law requires of you when you break the lease. If you are on a month to month tenancy, you can give HER your 30 day notice, as well as the landlord. Then, you can move without having to pay past your 30 days notice. If you have a security deposit, I am not sure. Check with an attorney. If she stays in the apartment she may try to take it. Make certain your rights are covered. YOU matter in this situation. NOT HER! You have the options of reporting illegal behavior to the police, as well as the landlord, but remember there may be repercussions. Can you handle that?


My question is how does your parents feel about your return to home? Also, even though it feels safe for the moment, will you soon be getting the urge to fly from the nest again? Make sure you think things through. Good luck & GBU! (((hugs))) jan

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Avatar for ready2go2000
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 01-08-2007 - 7:03pm
I think the best thing for you to do is what is "right" for you and not for her. It is okay to be selfish and move out. Gosh I don't even think it is selfish!!! I think it is something you need to do for yourself to keep yourself healthy. Yes it is hard putting yourself in that position of saying "I am moving out" but what else are you going to do? Leave your stuff at her place, pay her money, and then stay elsewhere? Thats no way to live! I think you are on the right track. Sometimes the best thing to do is just do it and get it over with. I have had to do it that way. Make sure you stay calm, no hysterical attitute, and avoid blame.
Hopes this helps!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2003
Mon, 01-08-2007 - 9:56pm

it sounds like its not a healthy "home" to be in...


i would move out...


you could be direct and honest w/her and tell her what you told us.


i know thought, its easier said than done.


but it sounds like you need to do this for yourself.


keep us posted on how it goes.

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Avatar for peoplearenuts
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 01-09-2007 - 1:30pm
I agree with the others that this is not a healthy living situation for you. I'm sure your friend will understand if you explain to her that you are moving back home to deal with your anxiety issues. Hey, if she doesn't understand then she wasn't much of a friend to begin with anyway, right?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2005
Tue, 01-09-2007 - 4:39pm

Thanks, you guys are great.

My parents are okay about my return, they are actually the ones who suggested it. They say my well being is at stake. My dad suffers from anxiety as well so he totally understands how I feel and what a tough situation I have put myself in.

Thanks everyone for your quick responses!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Tue, 01-09-2007 - 7:40pm

Your parents are right & I'm so glad they will welcome you back home!

Sheri Ann