I HATE THIS

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2006
I HATE THIS
11
Thu, 01-11-2007 - 6:31pm

Hello everyone.

I'm having a really hard time right now ladies. I need some support again!! I'm so fed up with this anxiety and panic, it's driving me nuts! I have been good lately, and have stayed away from the alcohol. I'm finding it very difficult to cope with this. I feel so alone inside, and I just want it to stop. A few months ago I was ok, panic wise. My life was on track mostly, except for the fact that I was a little depressed, but I was coping with that way better than this!

I had two cups of tea last night, and afterwards my hands were shaking, I could feel my heart beating and my chest was tight. I started having trouble breathing then I got dizzy. I just thought to myself, "Oh no, here comes another one!!" So I tried to wait it out for a few minutes to see if it would go away. Nope. I went and got my purse and took a clonazepam. I was so angry that I had to take a pill to stop these feelings.

Then tonight, I had 3 panic attacks in an hour. I was at my parents house, and was ready to bolt! I thought, what are my parents going to think, I've been here an hour because I have a cold and wanted to get away from everyone else and get some sleep, so I came here. Then I just get up and leave? Even if I left here, I'm not getting away from my anxiety, but in my mind I think that being here is causing it. It is the surroundings. I hate this.

So I decided to come on here and look for some help. Before I took 20mg's of Paxil, and my doctor changed it because I had lack of energy and a little depression. Then I tried a different medication and my anxiety was unbearable. She then switched me to 30mg's of Paxil. Well, I'm not much better. I am than I was on the new med, but worse than I was before. Can increasing your med's dosage cause more panic?

I just want this to stop. I want a normal life. By the looks of things, I am going to have to suffer with this for the rest of my life. That makes me feel like I could be sick. Maybe I'm not strong enough.

What does everyone do when they think that they can't take anymore anxiety? What do you do when you get down on yourself about the disorder? How do you get back into the swing of things?

I'm so upset right now. :-(
Amy

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2003
In reply to: amy_a2006
Thu, 01-11-2007 - 9:08pm

i have no great words of wisdom...


but wanted to offer my support and let you know that you are not alone.


i can TOTALLY relate to how you feel...i feel the same way.


i try and keep telling myself that i will get throught this, and i will feel better ...


i just don't want to wait to feel better ya know?


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
In reply to: amy_a2006
Thu, 01-11-2007 - 10:46pm

((Amy))) I am sorry to hear about your distress. Sometimes when we focus only on the bad, that's all we can see is the bad. I have had panic attacks for 36+ years. Yes, I have suffered most of my life. But not everyday of my life. In fact, I have had many good years where I had no panic attacks @ all

 

 


 



iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2004
In reply to: amy_a2006
Fri, 01-12-2007 - 12:22am

{{{{AMY}}}} This Amy has been in your boat!!!

        
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2004
In reply to: amy_a2006
Fri, 01-12-2007 - 9:38am

(((Amy)))

Back to school has been overwhelming for me this week. I just want to crawl away and not cope today...but I get through each day saying I get through this class & then there is one I like...I get through the day & I'll have time later tonight (after DD's in bed) to myself...I get through the week and get to enjoy the weekend etc.. Or I try to stop and step outside for some air, splurge on my favorite Chai tea or something at school.

I still have a lot of anxiety, but that's how I'm coping right now. I also try to make positive changes on stuff that is really bugging me, like the class whose teacher had some strict policies and was not working well in my schedule. Changing things like that make me feel more in control.

Would it help to try and get into a daily routine including stuff that you like, little rewards for making it through the day...then try to stick to the routine, even when you don't feel like and sometimes just getting through to good stuff & knowing that you've gotten things accomplished helps.

Hugs,
Dee

Avatar for ready2go2000
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: amy_a2006
Fri, 01-12-2007 - 11:28am
Hi Amy,
I think I can say I can relate 100% to what you are saying here. I do believe medications can help take the edge off of the anxiety and depression, yet I also believe anxiety and depression needs to have support, i.e. counsellors, family and friends. I know for myself, unless I have all of these things in place it is almost impossible to work through these problems.
I don't believe your not strong enough to deal with this. I think you are just tired and frustrated about what is going on, any sane person would be!!!! Having 3 panics in 1 hour would make anyone feel nuts.
I think its great you are seeing a doctor about this, and I think it is also great you are coming here to get help. At least pat yourself on the back for these efforts.
Kristina

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: amy_a2006
Fri, 01-12-2007 - 12:32pm
Hi Amy - from one Amy to another....
I used to post here all the time a few years back, and your post reminds me so much of myself. I wish I had some wonderful advice for you, but you will get through it! It is a lot of work, but you can do it.
Don't feel bad at all about taking the med. I too agree maybe if there was caffeine in the tea that may of triggered it.
Stay strong, see your doctor, exercise, talk and you will get through.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2006
In reply to: amy_a2006
Fri, 01-12-2007 - 7:02pm
me too. i am now on pamelor, and it's much better. i have heard that it can take up to 7 or 8 different meds before you find the one that works for you without major side effects.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2006
In reply to: amy_a2006
Fri, 01-12-2007 - 7:38pm
that is exactly what i used to feel; like i was going to jumpout of my skin. especially the week before my period. i sure don't miss that. don't look too far down the road; you may or may not need meds for ther rest of your life. i remember feeling that way too.i also recall how hard it was to be at home with little kids. my husband said so many times "it won't always be like this".......he was right, and it always made me feel better.and now, they are teenagers, which is lots easier-ha! LOL
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
In reply to: amy_a2006
Fri, 01-12-2007 - 10:14pm

(((Amy))) When I'm feeling like that, I either go to sleep (if I can) or if I can't I grab a good book & read it in the bathtub.

Sheri Ann

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2006
In reply to: amy_a2006
Fri, 01-12-2007 - 10:29pm

Well I just want to take the time to thank everyone for their response. Everyone is always so kind and supportive. That is why I always turn here when I'm unhappy.

My anger just angers me so much. I'm sick of it. I hate it, and I want it to go away. I get down on myself for having this problem, then I say to myself, "Holy, Amy you have an anxiety disorder. You have a MENTAL problem." Then, this thought brings on a panic attack. I get depressed sometimes about the fact that I will have to deal with this for the rest of my life. It could be so much worse, I could be in a wheelchair, I could be deaf or blind. Then I get even more upset with myself for being sort of "selfish". I get upset for complaining about this when there are so many people out there that are a lot worse off than me.

Sometimes, I am convinced that I'm crazy. I am convinced that I am completely wacko. I hate that. I feel like I am no longer in control of my thoughs, so crazy demon is. Then I get a panic attack from that. It's like an annoying continuous cycle that never wants to end. I'm fed up.

Does everyone else have these feelings? If so, how do you cope with them?

Thanks,
Amy.

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