I feel so helpless

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2005
I feel so helpless
8
Fri, 01-12-2007 - 1:48pm

I don't understand what is wrong with me. For the past month I have been living my life in a constant state of anxiety. I started my prozac three weeks ago and it doesn't seem like it has even worked. I don't have another doctor appointment until jan. 22nd and i'm not sure if I can make it until then. I just feel so helpless and like I have no control over my life. I know and understand that I am the only person in control of my life, but I can't help this feeling. It's so aweful, like this dark cloud over my head that won't go away. My head is constantly clouded with all these thoughts that I can't seem to sort out.

I have had some relationships that didn't work out in the past and I stayed in them too long out of fear maybe? I just started dating a new guy a few months back and everything was great, I had no doubts, but then all of a sudden my anxiety came back and I started experiencing all those yucky feelings again from the past. Why am I doing this to myself? This new guy is nothing like the ex boyfriends, he is the most amazing person I have ever met, he is such a good guy and treats me with nothing but respect and support so why am I feeling this way, why won't this anxiety go away and just let me have a happy healthy relationship. When I think about it, this man is really the perfect person for me, he doesn't complete me, but he compliments me very well. So why, why is this happening to me? I just want me and this new guy to be happy and have fun together. Why can't I feel the same way I did the first three months we were dating when I was so sure? Is my anxiety a sign that I shouldn't be dating him or anyone for that matter because i'm not ready? Or am I just scared of going through what I went through with the past relationships? But I don't want to loose him. I tried breaking up with him a couple weeks ago when I was in a state of panic scared of what the future held for us, but then after I did it my heart hurt and my heart ached for him and I missed him. So now we are dating again and thise crappy anxiety feelings are back full force. I know it sounds silly, but this is so real to me. I don't want to loose my chance with such a great guy because of my anxiety and my fears of what might happen, or does my conscience really not want to be with him? I am so confused, I can't focus at work, everytime I try to go out with my girlfriends I get panic attacks. When I am with my guy I am anxious as always, but usually more at ease. I have cut myself off from my friends and can't seem to find a balance between them and this new guy. I am so scared.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 01-12-2007 - 3:32pm

I went through so many similar things.
A few years back when I was in a similar situation, I was dating someone, who I kept telling myself was a great guy, but I was insanely anxious all the time, constant head racing etc, but I think I knew deep down this wasn't working for me, I just didn't have the courage to walk away from it.

I would see if you could move your dr's appt up a little earlier, has your dr recommended a counsellor? When I finally went to a pychstrist, it helped the most.

As for the med's 3 weeks isn't that long for it to get into your system, it may also not be the right medicine for you. I tried numerous types and dosages before I found something that worked for me.

In the meantime, try some things you can do now - I used to journal, and journal and journal, it would calm me, I would try to walk as it would relax me to get a little sleep at night.

Good luck, believe it or not the dark clouds will go away

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Fri, 01-12-2007 - 6:05pm

I am sorry to hear that you're so distressed. The new relationship may have something to do with these feelings

 

 


 



iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2005
Fri, 01-12-2007 - 6:51pm

Thanks Jan! Yes I do have close friends that would listen, but they would never understand what i'm going through. They have never experinced anxiety like I have and they are also into the party scene right now, something that I know I need to stay away from. I have been abusing alcohol lately and I am thinking that is one of the reasons my meds aren't working yet and why I have been feeling worse and worse. I feel like I can talk to my the new guy I'm dating, I just hate to have to tell him I am having doubts and fears about our realationship especially after I already broke it off once in a panic and he gave me a second chance. I want things to work out between us and for us to be happy I just need to take the right steps to do so and if I do I will be able to figure out what I really want in my situation.

Thanks for everything, that's why i'm glad I found this board so that I can talk to people who understand and who have taken meds before.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2006
Fri, 01-12-2007 - 7:33pm
amen to the journaling. another tactic is to purposefully try to spend 15 minutes out of every hour focusing on the one thing you are worried the most about. and try to ignore it the rest of the time. it works, because it is almosy impossible to consciously focus on it .it almost burns itself out.i know the feeling about having all of those thoughts with a relationship, too. i imagine the worst and can't enjoy the present. like, for example, i ask what if this is the last time i see him, or maybe this is the last time i'll be in his house, or i'll never live with him in this house, etc........i'm constantly borrowing bad things. but i've been learning how not to do it as much.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2006
Fri, 01-12-2007 - 8:55pm

I can understand your feelings of anxiety over this new relationship. As you've said you've been through some bad relationships and dont' want this guy to turn out like the rest.
Is it that you are having the anxiety that this guy will be a jerk to you even though he has been supportive and loving, or is your anxiety a fear that you really don't like him and your emotions seem out of your control?
Something that helped me when I started feeling afraid with any of my relationships is to stop, take a breath and look at the facts, keep a journal and write these fears down, then contrast them with the facts. From there you can see that your fears are just that..fear, plain and simple and that will also give you an anchor if you ever feel fearful again, you can go back to your journal and read all the great things that you love about this guy and all the great things he's done to show he really cares.

HTH,
Amy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Fri, 01-12-2007 - 10:09pm

(((hugs)))

Sheri Ann

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2003
Thu, 01-18-2007 - 2:18pm

I have been going through the SAME feelings / thoughts as you for the past few months! Let me back up and say there is nothing wrong with you for feeling these things. Please don't be hard on yourself and think there is something "wrong" with you.

I have started seeing a psycologist and will start seeing a psychatrist in two weeks. I'm on 20mg of Sarafem (prozac) daily and it's not working well enough. It does, however, help me think more clearly and sometimes rationally. Here is what I experienced for four months in a row like clockwork...two or three days before my period, though I didn't know I was getting my period, my depression and axiety would peak and I would push everyone and everything in my life away, including my BF who has seen me through these past few months with their ups and downs. I would feel hopeless, think horrible things about myself and my self worth, think bad things and horrible "what if" scenarios about him and what could happen(cheating, lying, not caring for me, I'm not a good person). He and I are a bit more tough love, "you can get through this, let's do it together" type people, and he's been a blessing through these times. I would find myself just wanting to end it w/ him for fear of him leaving me at some point or him not wanting to deal with my emotional issues right now. I tried to push him away, and each time I knew I shouldn't. I never let myself ride out those feelings by spending a couple days alone at my apt. or just running errands alone, so I'd just break up with him! I have always been someone who makes rash decisions b/c it is hard or something seems like a good idea at the time, and think it might be easier down the road. I'm learning, with my psyc. and meds, that I can step back, calm down and think things through one step at a time. I will have days where I feel like I'm cracking or want to push everyone away so I won't risk getting hurt later, but life is so cold and heartless if we live it like that. It's really living life in fear of what could happen or what we'll have to endure. That's not good for anyone!!! Know what I mean? Life is much more fun and healthy when we feel it all; good and bad, fun and unpleasant, etc. Believe it or not, you are growing a lot through this b/c you actually SEE your patterns. You don't want to push this guy away or feel like this anymore so you're trying to figure out why it's happening and how to stop it!!! That is GREAT and something to focus on. Allowing yourself to admit to him and yourself that you are having a rough day, you're not yourself and you don't know why, might help. It's helped me. I love the song "Not Myself" by John Mayer; it really describes what I want to say to him on those "off" days. Listen to it. The words are great.

I have now rambled and gone on tangents, but I hope you can tell that you're not alone. I am working on coming through what you are now in the midst of going through. So know there's hope and it helps to ask for help (just an ear to listen helps), it's okay to take medication to help you through this just find what works for you, and keep telling yourself that brighter more positive days ARE ahead!!! Think of how exciting those days will be when you get through this rough patch...I keep telling myself the same things. ;)

You can do it, lots of hugs to you, and have patience. Oh, journaling rocks by the way. I know it sounds so mundane, but I journal nightly and feel like I'm missing something if I don't. Try it, you'll see for yourself. ;)

KW

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2006
Sun, 01-21-2007 - 4:42am

hi my name is melissa and i too am on prozac. i have been taking it 2 1/2 months but it took atleast 7 weeks for it to really kick in. i know how you feel i felt the same way for a while but you just have to be patient cause if you stop taking the meds then you will have to start all over and its a long process for it to start working, once it starts working and you can clear your mind more, maybe you will be able to realize why you are feeling this way and take baby steps to improve them. i fine that spending time on myself and doing yoga, walking a few days a week wiht my dog, spending time with my boyfriend have really helped me out.

i hope you feel better soon

melissa