Vent about BIL's big mouth

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2004
Vent about BIL's big mouth
8
Thu, 01-18-2007 - 6:27pm

Alright, I've been busy, but generally it's been moderate level anxiety the last few weeks with just a few spikes. Well most of those spikes have been from BIL spouting off and dumping his issues on DH...which makes DH upset and makes me very frustrated and not liking BIL very much.

I'm been discussing boundries with my *T and I feel like BIL is stomping all over DH's boundries, but for me to do what I want to do, which is call up BIL and tell him to butt out would also be stepping over DH's boundries. Arghhh!

This all ties in of course with a bigger issue of toxic family members (in-laws) that DH and I have been stepping back from, so now BIL in trying to suck DH and our family back in.

My heart rate, breathing and wired anxious feelings start up whenever I think about it. I feel like I can't interfere too much, but this does affect the whole family too :(

I've started worrying about this alot and every time BIL calls it gets worse. He used to call just once a month, but recently is calling like every week. I think he is under pressure from the rest of the family and venting or passing the guilt trips onto DH.

If it gets alot worse, I know I'm going to just lose it and call him one of these days and say things I might regret. (Well I wouldn't regret them, but DH might)

Days like this I want to just move out of state and unlist the phone.

Thanks for letting me vent!

grrrr,
Dee

Avatar for glitterngold
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2003
Thu, 01-18-2007 - 7:29pm

Vent all you want Dee, I think it must be very clensing! I need to try it a little more often and maybe I wouldn't feel so overwhelmed ;)

It can be so difficult to deal with family members, especially in-laws. Try to take care of yourself too....Lisa

Daisypath Wedding PicDaisypath Wedding Ticker
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2004
Thu, 01-18-2007 - 8:30pm

Thanks Lisa!

At least we don't live close...the aggravation is mainly limited to phone calls. LOL

Smiles,
Dee

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Thu, 01-18-2007 - 9:42pm

Good heavens! This sounds so frustrating, Dee. No wonder you're worried about losing it. I do feel it's dh's decision to set limits. However, I might just give BIL a call when I was calm & tell him that any sort of aggravation, stress, drama or whatever(as my dd would say) is not good for dh's health. OMG! Is he a totally insensitive lout??? Sending T&P's your way. (((hugs))) jan

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

 

 


 



Avatar for peoplearenuts
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 01-18-2007 - 10:08pm
Start screening those calls! Seriously. There are certain times of the day (dinner time, bedtime for the kids) when things are crazy and we just don't answer the phone.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Fri, 01-19-2007 - 9:32am

(((Dee))) Family problems are the worse!

Sheri Ann

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2004
Fri, 01-19-2007 - 10:02am

Hi Sheri Ann,

Thanks, I will wait for a "calm" time and talk with DH ;)

Smiles,
Dee

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2004
Fri, 01-19-2007 - 10:05am

I may do that! DH is the one who usually answers all the calls. I'm not much for talking on the phone anyway, but a machine to screen would help. Currently our answering service is online, so we don't get that bonus feature. ;)

Thanks,
Dorothy

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2004
Fri, 01-19-2007 - 10:07am

Thanks Jan,

That may be what I need to do.

Smiles,
Dee