Hi, I'm new... and I've got issues

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2007
Hi, I'm new... and I've got issues
11
Sat, 01-20-2007 - 3:21pm

Hi, my name is Ali, I live in a beautiful home with my amazing husband and our yellow lab marley, and our cat david bowie. We are both teachers, and are in our mid-twenties. We got married this past July and had a wonderful time. HOWEVER, the anxiety that i thought would go away right after the wedding was over did not go away. It just got worse. You see, in May of 05 a very dear friend of mine that i have known since we were 2 years old, committed suicide after a long struggle with bipolar disorder. This was extremely traumatizing to me. This is when my panic attacks started. My doctor prescribed me Ativan, which I have been taking ever since to combat random anxiety attacks that i have for what seems like no reason. I feel like if there is something that i could or should be controlling (like the cleanliness of my home---we are doing renovations so it feels like it is never truely as peaceful as i would like it to be, at least not yet) i just freak out. I get really angry really fast and start to cry and feel naseated. my husband thinks that i should easily be able to control this, which obviously i can not. the only was i can is to take an ativan, which is now being prescribed to be at 2mgs a pill, it started at only .5mg a pill. I feel alone and anxious and depressed at the same time but i can pin point what is causing it! I love my job, i have a wonderful family and husband, my friends are great, i am healthy and so is my family. Why do i feel so hopeless, helpless, and sad??? I also get very panicky about dusting, i am obsessive about it and it physically bothers me when i see dust on something, also, i have to change my bed sheets everyday and put on clean ones because it makes me grossed out to sleep on the same sheets two nights in a row. This also drives my husband nuts. I am totally crazy? Does anyone out there feel the same way???

PLEASE HELP ME!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Sat, 01-20-2007 - 4:51pm

Hello & welcome to our caring community. What you have described is very distressing. Many of us have had similiar, if not the same experiences. You are NOT alone! The stress of the wedding & the death of a friend are known triggers of anxiety disorders. Any major life changes, illness, traumas or loss can contribute. I had a severe spell of anxiety after the birth of my second daughter. Others were triggered by illness, surgery, accidents,

 

 


 



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Sat, 01-20-2007 - 7:45pm

Hi & welcome!!

Sheri Ann

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2003
Sat, 01-20-2007 - 9:12pm

hi there,


i have no great words of wisdom, but wanted to say hi and offer my support.


i can totally relate to the cleaning thing...i get seriously upset when things are messy...if i see dust, i get soooo upset!


just wanted to let you know you are not alone.


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2004
Sun, 01-21-2007 - 1:01am

Ali..you are not alone and not crazy-))

        
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2007
Sun, 01-21-2007 - 7:55am

Hi Amy,

Thank you so much for your support! I think that I am absolutely having control issues, although I am not an unhappy person at all! I am going to take the advise that several people have given me and see a psychiatrist. My Ativan prescription was given to me by my family practice doctor. I do see a therapist but she can not prescribe me meds. Do you think that going on a preventative antidepressant like Zoloft or Lexapro helps with anxiety?

ps- I saw the banner that says you love someone with Autism.. does your son have autism (if you dont mind me asking)

I am an autism teacher and I am working on getting my masters to be certified in ABA. I have a true passion for individuals with Autism.

Thanks again for your support-

Ali

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2007
Sun, 01-21-2007 - 7:58am

Thanks so much for your support

I think that I absolutely have control issues; what you've said makes a lot of sense! I already see a therapist once a week, but she can not prescribe me anything, and my Ativan was given to be by my family practice doctor. What are the benefits of seeing a psychiatrist?

Thanks,
Ali

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2007
Sun, 01-21-2007 - 8:04am

Hi and Thank you so much for your support

Its nice to know that I am not crazy! and that there are lots of other women willing to support me out there, and who are going through the same thing. It makes me feel much less alone.

ps your boys are adorable!

Ali

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2005
Sun, 01-21-2007 - 7:39pm
Hi Ali, Welcome to the site!! I have panic disoder and can relate
to your feelings and actions. Seeing a psychiatrist will help with
your diagnosis!! AND your treatment! I would also like to add my 2---where is the
cents sign!!! I think you may have PTSD post traumatic stress disoder--
which is similiar to panic disoder but brought on by trauma! Your friend's
death was the trauma I refer to. My neice committed suicide last year and I
was devastated since I was her primary caretaker! All I know is she is not
suffering anymore!! We all react to things differently so your control issues
are new??? I have always needed to feel in control since I never had any as a
child! Cleaning soooooothes the soul!! BUT there is a healthy limit!!
God Bless and let us know how you are doing! Judy
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2006
Sun, 01-21-2007 - 8:12pm
Hi, i just read your post and i can unerstand totally what you are going through, i'll tell you a little of my life, i to had a close friend who died 3 years ago in a car accident, i've always had ocd but when such a trauma happened in my life it intensified ALOT. I decided it was time to do something about this so i started to go to therapy,they also had a dr. in the same facility who prescribed meds. my therapist diagnosed me with ocd which i already knew since it's hereditary in my family,and also depression. i was given klonopin 1/2 mg 3 x a day and lexapro. I started to feel somewhat better but the ocd has always stayed, so in the past 3 years i've gone from 1/2 mg klonopin to 4 mg a day which is a high dose for me but i didn't realize it until this past december. i've stopped taking the lexapro but i loved my klonopin and since it was prescribed i thought the amount was ok,well i didn't realize how addicting it was , i had just gotten my prescription filled the first of dec. and my b/f's daughter and her b/f stole my whole prescription, i tried to get another refill and i couldn't my dr. i guess doubted my word,i guess what i'm trying to say is ativan is similar and very addicting so be careful about self-medicating to help yourself like i did, i went into terrible withdrawals because i went from 4 mg to nothing my body went into shock and i have absolutely no recollection of the most part of last month. i haven't had one since dec.4th i did have a new refill when it was time but after the hell i went through and i was starting to function normally without the pills i decided to try my hardest to not take them, i didn't realize i was addicted,and just the past couple weeks i've been able to say their are days i'm happy and not constantly thinking about my 'bestfriends' as i referred to my pills, i know this sounds like a whole recovery speel and it is but if i can only help 1 person or warn them of the dangers of benzo's i hope i can, without the meds my ocd and panic attacks are their but i've seen my life with meds and without and i am going to try to stay off the meds, they say god doesn't give you more then you can handle . well i'm hoping that's true. i still obsess all the time and i can't go anywhere until everything is just right,it's a horrible exhausting way to live but knowing their are other people out their makes me feel not so abnormal, i know this probably didn't help you at all but becoming dependant on meds can be just as devastating as the disease so try not so hard to lean on your ativan,that's only masking the problem, therapy and journaling has done a miracle for me but it took a long time,and also learning how to take the time and count before going after something that's bothering me, if you ever want to hear some of the ways my therapist has told me to try and deal with the ocd i'd be more then happy to answer any questions you have. lyndsay.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Sun, 01-21-2007 - 9:43pm

A psychiatrist specializes in mental health meds.

Sheri Ann

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