just venting
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| Tue, 01-23-2007 - 10:09pm |
Really bad time right now. Working in therapy and I know it’s supposed to get worse before it gets better, but geez. You have to know it’s bad when you’re driving down the road and think to yourself that it wouldn’t be horrible if you were in a serious accident and died (I’m not suicidal, believe me). My therapist believes that I’m an adult child of alcoholics. My parents are alcoholics and I appear to have some of the symptoms such as procrastination, super responsibility, and problems with intimate relationship or in my case severe panic at the thought of going on a date…after all wouldn’t want to end up with someone like my dad. Why am I so screwed up, why can’t I be normal what ever that is. I need to move out, but can’t seem to. I can’t stand my family, but I stay. I would go on but I’m too exhausted just thinking about it. I’m just going to continue burying myself into books or sleeping to escape.
jessica

(((Jessica))) I know what you mean about the thoughts that pop into your head. I have thought that maybe my car would drive off the bridge accidentally. Bridges are one of my triggers, btw. I have found those sorts of thoughts are directly proportionate to how much anxiety I am feeling.
Therapy is hard work. As you know, being a therapist, issues that are uncomfortable need to be addressed. I used to literally hate the first pdoc I ever saw. She met me for hour long appointments(we only wish they did that nowadays) & would bring up my mother every time! That was a real trigger for me. Upon leaving the office, I was GUARANTEED a doozy of a panic attack on the drive home. Grr...
Reading isn't such a bad thing to keep your mind off the depression & anxiety. An occasional nap never hurt anyone either. But, avoiding the conflict won't change the way things are. But, I understand that *inertia* we get into. In time, your mojo will return;) That *up & at 'em* spirit will revive & you'll be able to make the changes that are best for your life. I love ya & wish I could make it all better. Keep on keepin' on, gf! jan
I dread therapy! But I always feel better afterwards. It's so hard though. Some days I just cry and cry. I am fortunate that I have a therapist I really like now. She offers me great practical suggestions on how to deal with my life.
I can't imagine being a therapist too! When I was younger I used to think I wanted to go into therapy or social work but I don't think I am cut out for it. I'm way too empathetic.
Therapy takes some time to be successful, but the results for me were excellent!
Sheri Ann