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| Mon, 01-29-2007 - 5:09pm |
I was recently diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Major Depression. I suppose that I have been dealing with this (or rather not dealing with it) since childhood. I need help with how to handle these problems in a marrigae to someone I think loves me but I might be running him off? I have a big, big fear of abandonment and a big, big need for approval. His attitude is that someone else cannot give you self-esteem and that he doesn't feel loving to me becasue I am "insane". Yep, that is his word for it. I think he means too needy but its hard to draw the line on what is the right amount of love and affection in this situation. I feel like he is not giving enough but that I wouldn't recognize enough if I got it.
Does anyone else have problems with this? Does anyone have any ideas?
Does anyone else have problems with this? Does anyone have any ideas?

Hi,
Welcome!
I also have generalized anxiety disorder and my primary motivation to seek treatment has been that I worry about how my anxiety and resulting mood swings etc. affect my family. For me, honesty and straight talk is how I'm approaching it with DH. As I understand more about what is going on, I try to talk with him about how I feel, what triggers me when I get upset and apologizing if I have behaved badly or been short with him or DD.
DH has been through depression, so approaching this issue with me as a similar health problem has helped. Although of course I still worry and feel bad when my anxiety affects our family.
I am not taking meds, but in talk therapy which is helping. There are some great coping tips in the board folder and the ladies here are really friendly and suppportive!
Hope to talk with you again.
Smiles,
Dee
Hi! I am so glad you found us. That is very distressing news about your dh's attitude. You are NOT insane. This is a flaw in your chemistry. Not your character. Just as if you had diabetes, there is treatment through meds and/or therapy that will help you to cope better.
If you're depressed/worried all the time, it's difficult to feel that all's right with the world. There are folks who are needy all the time. Then, for us, we are needy when our anxiety is @ it's highest. We need supportive ppl around us. Not ppl bringing us down): But, your dh is right about one thing. Self esteem is up to you. He cannot give it to you, nor can anyone else. The honest truth about anxiety is that we have no control over the chemical aspect. However, WE HAVE the power to allow it to affect us ALOT or very little. These are issues that I was able to resolve in therapy. In fact, if you feel the marriage is failing, seeing a therapist who has experience in relationship difficulties is an option. Would you dh go along? If not, you go. You matter the most @ this time. You cannot battle health issues & put your all into a relationship. Here is the link to the Self Esteem Support Board where relationships & how they affect your self-image are discussed:
Thank you!! I will check out the other board and look at the tips and tricks.
My DH would not consider counseling. We went before and he believes that when I tell the counselor what makes me unhappy that I am trying to manipulate the counselor to see him as the bad guy. I am seeing someone for the anxiety and she is great. She is helping some with the relationship aspect. I think its hard because I don't have a good internal barometer for seeing what is healthy and what is not in a relationship. There is also so much guilt--which was a huge suprise to me. How can I fault him for treating me this way when I can see (really) that he is acting out of fear just as much as I am?? My current plan to to ignore the realtionhip, get healthy and let the chips fall where they may. If he really wants a broken person, the separation will be natural, it will happen mostly on its own (without ether of us having to accelerate it) and I will be a lot stronger when it does. If he wants a healthy person, when I get there, he will have to get healthy himself to be with me where I am. Sounds great on paper right?? I am so gullible to the fighting and I create my own sadness by expecting things that just aren't going to happen in the present situation. I am working on two affirmations for this:
"I won't fight with you because I love you too much" (I am repeating it internally so that I can say it comfortably when the fight starts and walk away without the overwhelming anxiety)
"I want him in my life but I don't need anything from him" (This one is just for me. Gotta be that whole person--right??)
Thank you! I am going to try the things you have suggested. I think that for now, I am going to look here for support. Who better than those who really know what its like right??
Anyway, it was great to find y'all and I am looking forward to learning and getting better. I hope I will be able to help as much as I am helped.
I'm sorry to hear that dh thinks of you this way!
Sheri Ann