Jealousy about friends

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2006
Jealousy about friends
6
Wed, 01-31-2007 - 7:16am
I have a friend who I'm really close to, he's like a brother to me and since I lost my brother, he is really special. He's in a technical school and the other day he told my husband that these girls in his class were "hitting on him". He's married and all that. The girls were younger, around 25 and up. They were asking him questions about if he was married, if he was happily married and if he drank and stuff like that. He is a very friendly person and kind of flirtatious. My fear seems so stupid, because like I said we are really close, but I'm afraid that he will like these girls more than me. I think he is going to join their study group. They also asked if he drank and he said no, so they asked him to be their designated driver (yeah right) and he said no, he better not. I'm just afraid that these chicks will "draw him in". I feel so stupid for being jealous about something like this, because I know that's not what he's there for and our friendship is really great. He travels with us and all that. I guess I just need some reassurance.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2004
Wed, 01-31-2007 - 6:38pm

I may be confusing posts, but is this the same friend whose wife was jealous of you and wanted to travel with you, your husband and her husband on the trips?

It sounds like this friend means a lot to you and you said is like a younger brother, but this sounds like maybe some of these jealousies and uncomfortable situations should be a sign that maybe you need to to take a closer look and be really truthful with yourself about your relatonship and intentions.

You obviously want to keep this fellow as a close friend, yet it seems like there are some strong and maybe not appropriate emotions involved. Any good relationship involves boundaries and with both of you being married, it seems like that would be something to think about.

(Been talking with my *T about boundaries and parental/in-law issues. LOL)

I hope you can work through this and not lose a friend.

Smiles,
Dee

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Wed, 01-31-2007 - 6:47pm

Is his wife jealous?

Sheri Ann

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2006
Wed, 01-31-2007 - 7:43pm
Noo, no, no, nothing like that. I have always had a fear that my friends will leave me for one reason or another, mainly that they will find someone else to be their friend and like them better, whether male or female. Yeah this is the same friend. I guess this fear comes from childhood friends who were fickle and mean and would say they were my friend one minute and then turn around the next day and say they were friends with someone else. I guess I should have clarified that. No inappropriateness going on here, just dont' want to feel like I'm losing my friend and I know I'm not. I talked to him today about it and everything is fine. I worry too much, LOL. I need to remind myself that we are all adults now and that people don't USUALLY treat friends like that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2004
Wed, 01-31-2007 - 9:16pm

I'm glad you were able to talk to him!

Hugs,
Dee

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Wed, 01-31-2007 - 11:18pm
TBH, Amy, this man is an adult. If he chooses to go out with these young ladies, though it may be contrary to what YOU want, it is his decision. In spite of your closeness & friendship, you cannot be the morality police for him. I hope you discuss this with your *t.* What happens to us when we're young surely impacts us as adults, but whether we allow history to repeat itself, is totally up to us. Good luck! (((hugs))) jan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Thu, 02-01-2007 - 8:48am

I was thinking this sounds like "What About Brian?", Monday's episode, lol.

Sheri Ann