I am in need of a friend

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2006
I am in need of a friend
7
Wed, 01-31-2007 - 7:05pm
Hi - I am new and came to this sight because of my growing depression. I consider myself an intelligent woman. And I have been on medication for depression for several years. I recently quit taking my meds because I realized they were no longer working and I thought "cleaning my system" prior to something new was the route to go. As time went on I tried desparately to figure out what was behind my depression - smart person I am I should be able to figure it out - ha.
I believe I finally had a awakening or something as I have been in tears for days and honestly wondering why I exist. Bottom line is I don't have a friend. Well actually my husband is my best and only friend. But he is gone so much that I am alone.
Eight years ago my husband was promoted and transfered across the country. At the time I owned a business and was feeling at the top of my game. I sold my business with no regrets and moved. Within two years both my parents died-we lived within a couple blocks of them before moving but they encouraged us to move for our future. When we first moved here we had joined our local church and become very involved on committees, etc., in effort to make friends.
When my parents passed away I received no communication from our church. I then began having major health problems and still no response from the church. After being very absent from the church after being very involved it amazed me that no one communicated with us. We left the church.
We then looked for new ways to make friends in our new community. We joined the Country Club. We made so many new friends and were so happy. My husband could be away and I had a place to go that I felt safe and secure. As time went on we both became involved - I on the Board - he was organizing events.
A few months ago we began having financial problems. I resigned from the board. Again, after being so out there with a group of people we have never heard from anyone wondering if we are okay.
Has the world come down to just not caring or am I just being stupid. I truely care about the people I have met and been involved with and I am not sure what I have done to prevent them from even thinking of me.
Would love some input - positive or negative.
Thanks for reading my ramblings.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Wed, 01-31-2007 - 11:45pm

Hi! I am very sorry to hear this. As Anne Frank said, *I still feel that people are basically good.* Or something close to that.


I hope you are seeking help for your depression. Many folks have found that meds in combination with therapy is enough to help them back on track. Since it is a chemical imbalance, *snapping out of it* is rarely accomplished alone. Although some of our community have depression, our board's focus is on anxiety disorders. Do you have an anxiety disorder? If you do, perhaps you'd like to check out our *coping tips & tricks* folder below.


In the meantime, many of your concerns can be addressed on the Depression Support board & Self Esteem Support. Here are the links: http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-bhdepression


http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-bhselfesteem


Using the small step approach, perhaps you're ready to begin socializing again. Also, have you tried contacting some of these folks you were friendly with? People do get busy in their lives & sometimes WE have to take the first step in re-connecting. Good luck & GBU! (((hugs))) jan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Thu, 02-01-2007 - 8:43am

Hi & welcome!

Sheri Ann

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2003
Thu, 02-01-2007 - 12:30pm

hi there,


my feelings would be hurt too if no one called/or contacted me...


have you tried calling any of them?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-09-2006
Thu, 02-01-2007 - 12:52pm

sorry about what's going on. I have a few thoughts though which you may find interesting.

First off, I work with people a great deal and I develop group dynamics etc. - it's my job. I've encountered something on several occassions, especially with more professional individuals when it come to offering or asking for help, which is that nobodys asks.

I've followed this up by asking groups why, when you can see people struggling, why you don't offer help. The overwhelming reply has been either that if they offered help maybe the other party would be insulted or that they thought the others wanted to work through it on thier own because if they wanted help they would ask.

I think this applies in individual situations as well. Some people may feel like they are prying if they called or inquired what is going on. Maybe you might try to give a few of these people a call and ask if they want to go to lunch or something.

As we get older there aren't as many people to hang out with as friends since everyone is so busy etc. However, I do knkow that if I called one or two people and asked if they had time for a lunch/visit they would make the time - and I don't think I have any "close" friends other than my husband but there are people around for support if I asked.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2006
Thu, 02-01-2007 - 1:17pm
Thanks so much for your response. I appreciated what you said and know that is likely the case. Guess I am just afraid of being turned down if I do ask. Goes back to believing people were my friends then finding out they weren't.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2006
Thu, 02-01-2007 - 1:24pm
Thanks for your input. I am just terrified of being turned down if I do try. To me being a friend means staying in touch with those we care about especially in time of need. Seems to me the people I thought were my friends evidently don't feel the same way or they were not my friends to begin with. So now if I reach out to one of them I set myself up for rejection.
Confidence is everything.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Thu, 02-01-2007 - 1:47pm

Hi! When I was depressed, I sat @ home & ruminated over folks I hadn't heard from. I delayed calling them to keep in touch because I convinced myself that they must not like me or they didn't care or too much time had passed for me to call. We can get ourselves in a real rut that requires a long painful climb out of.


I remember a forward passed around on the computer that asked, *if you knew that you were going to die today, who would you call? Why haven't you?* Please reach out to someone in real life. You will be glad that you did. Life is too short to focus on these things. Life should be devoted to the business of living. As Crashbang told you, people become caught up in their lives & if you make the first move, you could have a lunch date with someone.


I know you'll have trouble believing this, but I KNOW it's true. Someone is thinking of YOU @ this very moment & regretting they haven't called. They are also thinking that if you needed something, YOU should have called them. If