I hate admitting that I have a problem
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| Fri, 02-02-2007 - 7:01am |
Sorry in advance if this is long...
I'll shorten this as best as I can. Basically I suffer from some sort of anxiety issue. I have not talked to my doctor or anyone else about it, I have just started figuring all this out on my own. I've always known I was kind of shy, and when in the center of attention I would sweat and my face would be red and I'd be very uncomfortable.
My mom died 2 and a half years ago. I quit my job because I stopped caring. I haven't worked much since. I graduated University and went to Teacher's college, and just got on the supply list in November. I can barely bring myself to go most days. I cancel my shifts or just don't answer my phone. My anxiety has gotten worse. It's so bad lately. I feel sick, I shake, my heart goes crazy, and I know that I could screw up my career but when I'm having this anxiety, nothing matters except getting rid of it.
Anytime I leave my house, I hurry to finish whatever I need to do so I can get home. I always thought that I just did things in a hurry but lately I"ve been noticing that leaving my house gives me a lot of anxiety. I guess this has always been the case but I've just been discovering and understanding it. Some days I dont' leave my house. Something like going to the mall for 10 minutes gives me anxiety. I think with working, the thought of being away from home for an extended period of time gives me a ton of anxiety, and I can't deal with it.
I have lost friends over this. We make plans and when the time comes to going out, I get anxiety and cancel. It's even happened playing sports, which is something I love. Some days I just don't want to leave my house and face anyone. I don't know if this is agorophobia or more social phobia.
Anyways I'm so tired of this. I want to live my life and I can't. I won't go on medication if I don't have to, which I don't believe I do. I don't want to tell anyone I know, but I'm feeling like I should tell my husband soon. He always comments on how anxious I am over silly things, and I have never understood how he NEVER feels anxiety. I guess it's only recently that I've been seeing mine is greater than normal.
Sorry for this rant. I'm really upset because I just cancelled yet another shift. I hate this and feel like it's starting to take over my life. I have been feeling a bit depressed by this now, as I feel I have no control. I'd appreciate to hear from others that are going through this, I feel like a huge freak!
Thanks for listening if you made it this far

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Thank you everyone for reading my post and responding, I appreciate your kind words and encouragement.
I bought a book called "anxiety and phobia workbook" I'm going to try working through, and I bought a book called "coping with anxiety." This week I'm scheduled to work Monday and Tuesday so far that I know of, and my plan is to just go. I also booked a workshop Monday night to go to alone for 2 hours. I'm hoping I'm strong enough to just throw myself into this situations and eventually the anxiety will diminish. I'm going out today with like 8 people to look for a bridesmaid dress for a wedding I'm in then we're all going for lunch. I'm somewhat anxious already.
I cannot let this control me, it's time to start living my life. I deserve this. I've been through so much in my life, I have got to stop hiding from everything.
I deserve to life my best life
I am the QUEEN of physical sensations when it comes to anxiety. I feel an *airy*
Somehow, you make it seem so not "irrational" and "crazy" and have an appreciation for the symptoms and what they seem to do to us!
What a tough and exhausting battle we often seem to fight!
Thanks for sharing both your personal "sensations" and "symptoms" as well as the list.
I appreciate it!
GBU, too!
Lynne
You are not a freak and you are not alone! I totally understand. I have been dealing with anxiety and panic for a while now. I was on meds, and decided to try going off of them. It was great for a while, but then the panic came back. And it seems to have gotten worse. I am back on meds, but a low dosage and am looking into going to see a specialist. I , like you , am tired of living my life this way. I am in the process of planning my wedding and I really worry that this will get in the way.
How is the workbook working for you ? I am trying to find some new ways to deal with this. Keep your head up!!
Magen
I used to get myself really worked up over these *sensations.* I would beat myself up mentally for hours after the attack. The best thing that ever happened was the day my pdoc told me that I was different than everyone else & couldn't help what I was feeling. (I had been seeing pdocs for years & noone bothered to tell me that. In fact, they told me to *pull myself up by the bootstraps* & *if I really wanted, I could stop thinking this way.* Hmm...) I don't mean that I give myself a *pass* for how I allow this stuff to affect me, Lynne. I give myself a *pass* for chemically being different. That is not something I can control.
When
Hi, Magen! I want you to know that this workbook has been highly touted on the board. In fact, Sheri Ann read it & had a thread going with others about their thoughts. When she comes in tomorrow, she will certainly add her thoughts & maybe get that thread started again.
I am reading *The Worry Cure: Seven Steps to Stop Worry from Stopping You* by Robert L. Leahy. I am having a tough time getting into it. It could be that my concentration is bad because I'm stressed. But, it has been highly recommended, as well. (((hugs))) jan
My oldest is named Megan. Nice name;)
You truly have a gift for helping others! Your message was very helpful and inspirational! I appreciate you sharing your thoughts and experiences. It is very helpful as I try to battle through the anxiety and the panic attacks and its symptoms and thoughts and feelings! It seems like you totally know and "totally get" how I feel!
God bless you and again, thanks for taking the time--it really means alot to me!
Have a great day!
Lynne
It is very hard for any of us to admit we have a problem, but when anxiety & our fears start taking over our lives, we have to admit it in order to get better.
Sheri Ann
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