I hate admitting that I have a problem
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| Fri, 02-02-2007 - 7:01am |
Sorry in advance if this is long...
I'll shorten this as best as I can. Basically I suffer from some sort of anxiety issue. I have not talked to my doctor or anyone else about it, I have just started figuring all this out on my own. I've always known I was kind of shy, and when in the center of attention I would sweat and my face would be red and I'd be very uncomfortable.
My mom died 2 and a half years ago. I quit my job because I stopped caring. I haven't worked much since. I graduated University and went to Teacher's college, and just got on the supply list in November. I can barely bring myself to go most days. I cancel my shifts or just don't answer my phone. My anxiety has gotten worse. It's so bad lately. I feel sick, I shake, my heart goes crazy, and I know that I could screw up my career but when I'm having this anxiety, nothing matters except getting rid of it.
Anytime I leave my house, I hurry to finish whatever I need to do so I can get home. I always thought that I just did things in a hurry but lately I"ve been noticing that leaving my house gives me a lot of anxiety. I guess this has always been the case but I've just been discovering and understanding it. Some days I dont' leave my house. Something like going to the mall for 10 minutes gives me anxiety. I think with working, the thought of being away from home for an extended period of time gives me a ton of anxiety, and I can't deal with it.
I have lost friends over this. We make plans and when the time comes to going out, I get anxiety and cancel. It's even happened playing sports, which is something I love. Some days I just don't want to leave my house and face anyone. I don't know if this is agorophobia or more social phobia.
Anyways I'm so tired of this. I want to live my life and I can't. I won't go on medication if I don't have to, which I don't believe I do. I don't want to tell anyone I know, but I'm feeling like I should tell my husband soon. He always comments on how anxious I am over silly things, and I have never understood how he NEVER feels anxiety. I guess it's only recently that I've been seeing mine is greater than normal.
Sorry for this rant. I'm really upset because I just cancelled yet another shift. I hate this and feel like it's starting to take over my life. I have been feeling a bit depressed by this now, as I feel I have no control. I'd appreciate to hear from others that are going through this, I feel like a huge freak!
Thanks for listening if you made it this far

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It was great to read this post & see your positive attitude shining through!
Sheri Ann
The workbook has lots of great info!
Sheri Ann
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