Hurtful

Avatar for cherfer
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2003
Hurtful
10
Fri, 02-02-2007 - 7:22pm
We had a small party in the lunch room of my office today because the Bears are in the superbowl (I'm in Chicago). I sat at a table by myself and two different people approached me asking if anyone was sitting with me and when I smiled and said no, they took the chair and sat at another table. Everyone was crowded around with too many people at their table while I sat alone. I have worked there for 2 and a half years and everyone knows who I a because of what I do in the company.
It has been like this all my life. I am pretty and thin (not that this should matter anyway), and friendly when people talk to me (when they bother to anyway). I don't understand what is so repellent about me. I can't be that bad since I'm getting married to a great guy in 6 months.
I am 30 years old and thought this would get better as I got older, or at least thought it would hurt less when I was rejected. But I still feel like a high school outcast.
I honestly don't know what is wrong with me and why people don't like me.
Avatar for peoplearenuts
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: cherfer
Fri, 02-02-2007 - 8:50pm

That's terrible! Especially in a small office like that. I know how you feel - I've been at my job for 5 years now, and when I first started no one offered to have lunch with me - not even on my first day. Even now there are people who barely acknowledge my presence (if at all) unless they need something. A lot of it has to do with the culture (I work with a lot of PhDs, and I'm in support staff) but it is hard some days not to let it get to you.

I'm in Chicago too. Go Bears!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2007
In reply to: cherfer
Fri, 02-02-2007 - 11:37pm
That is exactly how I feel!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
In reply to: cherfer
Sun, 02-04-2007 - 8:58am

In situations like that, I always go sit at the most crowded table & join in the conversation.

Sheri Ann

Avatar for cherfer
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2003
In reply to: cherfer
Sun, 02-04-2007 - 12:42pm
no one else was really seated when I got there... but anyway I would feel REALLY unwelcome doing something like that. No one realy talks to me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2003
In reply to: cherfer
Sun, 02-04-2007 - 7:49pm

:(

Avatar for cherfer
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2003
In reply to: cherfer
Sun, 02-04-2007 - 8:20pm
I live in Lakeview and work downtown. :)
Avatar for peoplearenuts
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: cherfer
Sun, 02-04-2007 - 11:10pm

I used to live in Wrigleyville for years. Now I live in the northwest part of the city.

Whenever I hear Aurora I think of "Wayne's world, Wayne's world, party time, excellent!" LOL

Avatar for cherfer
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2003
In reply to: cherfer
Mon, 02-05-2007 - 2:00pm

Well I called my employee assistance program. I am going to try (for the fifth? or sixth? time) to see a counselor to try to come up with some coping skills. I just PRAY that they don't start in about my childhood and all this other crap, becuase that is NOT what I want to talk about. I dont' care WHY I have social anxiety, I just want to find a way to deal with it. I feel like everyone is against me and out to get me right now. I posted on another board regarding a personal, sensitive matter and was completely attacked and it's just adding to the way I feel right now. I really need some support from people who understand what its like to feel like everyone hates you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2003
In reply to: cherfer
Mon, 02-05-2007 - 2:53pm
Hello and welcome. I have been where you are talking about (not in an office)but still the same actions and feelings. This is not an easy disorder and you do need to understand it to its utmost fullest. Education is the key to anything. I can tell by your tone that you are hurt, angry, confused and thin (just alittle joke). Could it be possible that you are putting off signals to others that you are not aware of? I do not mean that in an attacking way, just a question. Our body launguage say so much about us. I am not defending the way the people are acting or your perception of their reactions. I, like you, could not go to the middle of a full table and sit down either. I admire Sherriann for being able to do that. I hope you are able to get into see someone so that you can get a handle on how to cope. I think we are for the most part all introverts with this disorder but somewhat smart and perfectionist. Please stick with us and keep us informed on your progress.Debbie

 

Avatar for cherfer
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2003
In reply to: cherfer
Mon, 02-05-2007 - 3:57pm

Thanks Debbie.

You know... I have no idea what signals I am putting off. I'm 30 years old and have always been the same way for the most part. I wish I knew what I was doing wrong but I don't. I've had alot of people ask me that same question. I just don't understand why people relate to me the way they do.

Cheryl