need support :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2006
need support :(
21
Wed, 02-07-2007 - 11:29am

Hello Everyone,

I am 22 years old, for about a year now I have lived away from my family everything I knew to come and live with my boyfriend. When I first moved here we were living with his parents, and then we finally decided to move out. Every since we have moved out (Oct. 2006) I have had very bad anxiety and depression. I obsess over every little thing, and I am constantly living in fear of everything. Everything has been up and down I have had problems in my relationship, then I start questioning everything I have done. I do not know anyone here except my boyfriend and his family. I am home sick, when I go back home to visit my family I miss here. The other day I found out he has been taking pills that are not prescribe to him making me worry even more. Everyone in my family tells me I deserve better, and sometimes I think I do. But when I think about leaving here and everything that I have built on my own I start freaking out. I am scared to be alone and start all over again. There are alot of issues that I have been struggling with with my boyfriend, he is very dependent on his mother, he is just starting to save money (he is 30). The prescription drugs also worry me. I just dont know whether or not this is right for me, do I have to high of expectations?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2006
In reply to: laura2435
Wed, 02-07-2007 - 2:43pm
hi laura. Im sorry you are having such a rough time! first and foremost.. you are worthy and deserving of calmness and happiness in your life! second..my ex husband had a VERY bad addiction to pills. other peoples pills. my pills. our daughters pills...grandmas pain meds..he didnt care. I read in the paper last week, that the deaths caused by overdose of prescription pills has more than doubled in the past 5 years. it is now bypassing other drug abuse such as cocaine. This is not little. it is HUGE. it is an addiction.. and it changes people drastically. I personally could not handle it anylonger. after time, the pills take their effect, and what is left is a person who can not cope with life unless they have some sort of buffer pill. any pill. and my ex was up to 15 a day finally, after about 7 years. he now is 35, lives with his grandma. and cant keep a job. may have kidney damage.. I was working two jobs to try and save the house.. DONT side step addiction. if you love him and are going to be with this man, then say so to him.. and offer help if he needs it. Your anxiety is understandable! all of the things that are changing in your life are very big. try to give yourself some time alone.. meditate, light a beautiful candle.. get some lavender or lavender oil.. and picture the flame as calmness.. give yourself a good 15 minutes of that meditation and remember that you are strong enough and able enough to deal with any challenge in life!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2006
In reply to: laura2435
Wed, 02-07-2007 - 2:54pm
Thank you for responding to my message. He doesnt think it is something serious. Last summer he quite cold turkey taking any pills because he thought it was getting out of hand. So when I confronted him about it yesterday he said that it is his own battle within himself and for me not to worry. But he doesnt realize he has been hiding it from me. So I am guessing you are not married to him anymore? People dont realize how much it can effect their lives if it gets out of hand. Should I get out now or am I overreacting?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2007
In reply to: laura2435
Wed, 02-07-2007 - 3:37pm

Hey Laura...first of all your expectations are not too high...I know how hard it is to move away from everything you knew and start again, because i did it when i was 18...i moved the day after i graduated from high school to live with my dad who i really had no relationship with at all growing up, but I needed to get away from my mother, and that is hard...and i totally understand your fear of being alone and having to start all over again as well, because sometimes i look around and wonder if I did the right thing by the choices i made, and you really need to listen to your heart, that little voice that whispers in your ear, and sometimes you may not always like what it has to say, but most of the time your gut instinct is right. But you need to follow your own path, and remember that the most important person is YOU, but if you feel like you really want to work at this relationship, you two need to have a good long talk. I married a "mama's boy" and it was difficult after we got married...we ended up having to go to marriage counsleing for a year because of his family, but it helped, he realized alot of things and our marriage is stronger now because of it, but both parties have to be willing to make it work. and it sounds like you truly love this person, because of your concern about the pills, which I think you also need to ask him about...are you taking anything for your anxiety? I am on Xanax and it helps alot...but take one thing at a time...sit down and think about what you want, and I think you and your man need to have a real heart to heart...and I also know how it is not to have many people around you to talk to or support you, and that can be rough, but you need to believe that you are strong enough to do anything, and its HARD, because I have to tell myself that every morning to get out of bed lots of times...but if you ever need to talk, send me an email at LittleOne0916@aol.com....but we are here for you, and I totally understand what you are going through...keep me posted and chin up....IT WILL GET BETTER lots of luv and hugs

Krista

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2006
In reply to: laura2435
Wed, 02-07-2007 - 3:58pm

Krista,

Thank you so much for your support and guidance. I am currently taking Welbutrin XL for depression/anxiety. I am constantly obsessing over every little thing in fear of the unknown. I talked to my therpist yesterday she told me she thought I did this because I am trying to distract my mind from what really is bothering me (i.e. my relationship with my boyfriend) I am young I know, I want to be happy, I am not quite sure if this is situational anxeity/depression, I dont recall feeling like this ever before. When I confronted him about the pills he said I was pinpointing all of his faults out and he tried to compare my anxiety pills and those pills. He said if I didnt like him doing that, then I need to make a decision. I just feel like I am at my wits end !

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
In reply to: laura2435
Wed, 02-07-2007 - 5:51pm

welcome.gifHi! I am sorry to hear what is troubling you. That's a shame): In a situation such as this, you must put yourself first. What would be the best thing for you? Is it normal to live all stressed out & experiencing so much fear, worry & anxiety? What will be the long term consequences? I can tell you that an unhappy life & poor health are in your future. I

 

 


 



iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2006
In reply to: laura2435
Thu, 02-08-2007 - 9:53am

Jan,

Thank you for your advice it is greatly appreciated. I know sometimes I feel so alone, but coming here and knowing God is always there helps me to get through the day sometimes. Especially since I do not have any family here. Anyways, I know me is important I think my fear of loosing him and leaving here and starting all over again is making me stay here. Im so lost...

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2006
In reply to: laura2435
Thu, 02-08-2007 - 12:18pm
I divorced him after 10 years of struggle! it was aweful. I gained so much weight. I was so unhappy. my life consisted of WORKing non stop. cleaning non stop. taking care of the daughter non stop. and hiding his problems from everyone so it would seem we were ok. he did nothing. the pills made him lazy, confrontational, angy, and everything was everyone elses fault. he wouldnt work, because he couldnt handle it.. would start to pawn things in the house to make money, since we were broke. This is HIS problem, not yours. speak your mind, and follow your heart. I cant tell you to get out now..but I can tell you not to look the other way. dont pretend, and if it bothers you.. its a problem! Its your life and your health you are responsible for :) we're all here to help support.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2006
In reply to: laura2435
Fri, 02-09-2007 - 12:25pm

Hello Everyone,

So for the past couple of days me and my bf have not talked about the pills etc. its kinda just like ignore what really is going on. So this weekend I wanted to actually sit down and talk to him calmly, part of me feels like it is time to move on, all I have is anxiety 24/7 about our whole relationship and I dont want to feel this way anymore. I needed your guys advice as to how I should approach this and what I should say to him. I know I cant change him, but I just need to let him know how I feel.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
In reply to: laura2435
Fri, 02-09-2007 - 5:27pm

I know how hard it is to be dependent on a relationship.

Sheri Ann

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2006
In reply to: laura2435
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 9:38am

Hey Girls,

Thank you for all of your support. I talked to my bf this weekend, and finally told him how I felt. He admitted it was not good him taking pills, he was take them to get rid of the pain physically and emotionally. But I still find myself not too sure of everything. He said he would go see a doctor and tell them everything that has been going on. Even if he says he will go to a doctor I dont know if I can trust him. He doesnt think he was lying to me he says he didnt tell me because he knew how much I worried about everything. A lie is a lie to me atleast....help........

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