New to Group and Just started Prozac
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| Fri, 02-09-2007 - 2:56pm |
Hi Im Cris and I just started taking Prozac. Im 32 and have OCD and bad body image. I grew up fat and have stayed overweight all my life. When I get depressed or upset I eat and eat and eat. I thought I could eat myself to death and trust me, Ive tried.
I was diagnosed with manic depression and mood swings, and was hospitalized by my parents at age 12. I was medicated from one end of the alphabet to the other... and once released I was put back in several times over the years. And even got to experience a 6 month stent in a camp. Yes, a camp. All because my parents didnt know what to do with me...even though they fed my problem of bad body image by teasing me about my weight and telling me "youd be a beautiful girl, if youd lose a lil weight" Who tells their kid that???
The past 3 years have been some of the worst kind of hell in my life. Not like the past 32 years have been a dream or nothing, trust me...But my husband of 4 years became disabled and turned into a man I dont know. I helped him kick a Meth and Crack addiction (after kicking my own Meth and Coke problem) and have self medicated myself with weed or by popping pills (xanax's or anything I can find). Frankly, I dont want to be around my husband unless I am high. I really dont like him or who he has become. And have no way of leaving him. In the past year though, I have quit smoking cigarettes, and have not been popping any pills and my weed smoking has become MUCH less than what it was before... I just have no hope though.
Is there anyone out there that has had a good experience with it??? Extreme change of life??? Is there someway that I can just disappear and start a new life somewhere else??? The past few weeks (the reason why I started the Prozac) have been filled with thoughts of suicide. I dream it, I day dream about it, IVE EVEN RESEARCHED IT!!! I just see no reason to live this life anymore. Can anyone help?

Whoa....The mere fact that you have been through all of that and are able to get online and ask for help like this should tell you something - YOU STILL HAVE HOPE - and that is a great thing! You are obviously smart as well or you would not be out here seeking help.
You have many years left to live and you are correct in thinking that you need to start over so to speak, BUT - look at that as a good thing, not a bad thing. It is great that you have kicked some of the bad habits that were hurting you more even though they probably felt good at the time. You obviously recognized that. If you have started Prozac, then you must be under a doctor's care (just assuming), so one thing you need to do is talk to the doc about the feelings you are having just in case they are related to the med. I have been on Zoloft which is in the same class of drugs as Prozac and it did not make me feel badly but some meds do not have a good effect on people so you need to talk to doc ASAP. Do not stop the meds, just talk to doc soon. Maybe something else would be better. Another thing is to get into therapy. I had a crummy therapist at first and figured it was a waste of time but then tried another one and it has really helped me change my thinking some. How about exercise? I know that is probably the last thing you feel like doing when you are feeling down but it REALLY helps - it gets the brain's feel good hormones going and trust me, it works.
As for your past, I did not have the same experience as you but did have my share of issues growing up and I tend to reflect on that in terms of thinking it is the reason I am the way I am sometimes, but you know, that may be true for you and me both, but we have to break free of that and decide we are not going to let it shape us anymore. It is VERY hard to do, but CAN be done. I promise you that. I have OCD really bad and it tears me down so much at times and makes me feel horrible. I hate it so much. I get sick from it - all because my brain does crap that I do not want it to do. I know it sucks, but therapy can really help along with meds.
As for your husband situation, if you can stand it, I think you need to focus on YOU for now and get yourself to feeling better and then address that situation with him. It sounds like he is going to need a lot of help, probably help that professionals have to give, not just help from you.
Use this board and talk to us. DO NOT give up. No matter how bad things seem, things can improve. They really can.
-Kim
Hi & welcome to our group!
Sheri Ann
hi, my name is melissa and i am posting back to this because i can some what relate to what you are going through with the depression. I was a horrible daughter i was constantly getting into trouble and into drugs badly. i would always run away whenever they would try and "ground" me. i never listened i never went to school and just didnt care about them or myself. i eventually obtained a bad reputation with the guys because i would get wasted and do things with whoever i was with. my parents tried therapy and seeing a psychologist, i was even on prozac at that time. i was about 14 and 15 then when all this was happening. they eventually put in in a psychiatric hospital and i was there for a week. nothing like your stay, but it was rough enough for me. we moved to a better area and thought that would help me stay out of trouble and avoid the "wrong crowds" but it didnt i still did drugs and skipped shcool. i was already one year behind and after my 2nd time in the 9th grade i starightened up. but i didnt do it for my parents or family and friends, i did it for me. i did it to better myself and i won that battle. its a great feeling to know you love yourself enough to change your ways.
i am now on prozac again for 3 months almost again but this time for depression and anxiety. i used to have horrible panic attacks, and let me tell you they have changed me completely. my whold life. i have let this take over my life and now i am having to battle with helping myself get through this and knowing i am strong and i love myseldf enough to make the changes i need to make. with fast food, stress, and anything bad in my life. this has been one of the hardest roads for me to conquer and i am still struggling. i need to "find myself" and who i am and wat i want in my life. i no longer have lo self esteem, im not cocky but i also know that i am good enough and that i am not ugly. i am just me and people love me for that. i dont try and change for anyone but myself and i know how hard that can be when you have loved ones pushing you one way.
i wish you the best of luck and hope that this post has helped a little,
melissa
Hi! I am sorry to hear how you've been feeling. Though you have been through so much, being human, you have the ability to change. Meds are only a tool in helping you to feel better. The prozac will not give you a new life or solve any of your problems. That has to come from you.
I think that visiting the Suicidal Thoughts & Feelings board, as suggested by Sheri Ann,
hi cris, welcome to the board.
Thank you all for the support and yes I will be visiting the other messageboards listed and checking into other forms of help. My regular doctor knows that Im depressed and he knows I suffer from panic attacks in the grocery store and department stores...Too many people, too small of space...and I cannot and will not dine at a place that even looks halfway busy. Which also has to do with my self esteem too...But back to the doctor.. I dont have insurance. This was the first time Ive seen him in over 2 years...I have looked into clinical trials over the years but Ive chickened out at the end because I dont think they would work and Ive been turned down for 2 because I wasnt a fit for what they were doing... plus it would be my luck that I get the placebo.
It is hard enough asking for help. I have no money, no support and no ROLE MODELS either. I always got the doctors growing up that KNEW they were better than me and only cared about medicating me and getting me to talk about things that made no difference. Or when the problem came down to it being "moms" fault or "dads" fault then mom or dad would pull us out of therapy. There is a WHOLE lot more to this story than the tiny tid bit that I wrote to ask for help here...
Doesnt help that Ive been being misdiagnosed since I was 12 with each time something different.(I always stayed 30 days to about 6 months 5 or 6 different times) manic depressive disorder, I have rapid mood swings, bi-polar, OCD, ADHD & anxiety. But I didnt put it together til I was diagnosed for ADHD at 20. I was depressed because I did bad in school because I was being teased and bullied by not only the kids but my dad and brother and sometimes my own mother. The anxiety would kick in because I knew what was to come at the end of the school day, either Id get beat down by mom or dad because of my grades or because I couldnt pay attention in class or something, there was always something so I always got it ....so its kinda hard to ask for help from people... I was being judged and diagnosed by people with degrees that couldnt see the reality of things. Nobody cared about the low self esteem or the jealousy that I felt for my brother. He was my half brother.. They all teased me 24/7 and the fact that my brother got everything he ever wanted served to him on a platter...as he still does...drove me to feel worthless, just like I was being told. NO, I dont have a relationship with my family...
I became an alcoholic before I was 20 but kicked it cold turkey a few years ago when I realized that it wasnt fun anymore.. it had become habit..I even lost weight (100 lbs) right before I met my husband and had changed ALOT in my life, including my outlook...but then over the past 3 years Ive been kicked back down my hole of self pity and eventually started binging again...You said it though, Its very hard living with an addict...he got sick a few years ago and since Ive taken care of him literally (its in his spine) and he "had no choice" but to kick his addictions and now has an addiction to God....I dont have the same views as he does and now that hes sober, Ive realized that we have nothing in common and hes not who I though he was and I have no idea "how we got here", if that makes sense...Funny how cruel life can be huh...
Did I mention that I have kids? Yep 2 and Thankfully they arent being raised by me...unfortunately my oldest is being raised by my parents because they couldnt stand the fact that I gave my youngest up for adoption to a friend who is unable to conceive instead of giving him to them... Yep. Can you believe that I even broke down and asked my own blood for a space on their floor to sleep when my husband kicks me out and they told me no. "They have no room and no money to hardly get by", but they have an extra room and she just bought herself a new sportscar. Yep. So, No, I have no support. But Jan, I think I will find somewhere else to post to. Im sure I will find help. Or atleast someone whos hoed something close to the same kind of row Ive hoed, if you catch my drift. Thanks again. Ciao