fear of dancing...
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| Sat, 02-10-2007 - 11:42pm |
Hey everyone,
This is my first time posting to this board, but I figure it's time to address an issue I've been having for years. I've communicated with my BF about it very much, but don't feel like he can help me at this point... I need other voices from people who may suffer from the same thing or something similar.
I've always had a fear of dancing (chorophobia). When I became an adolescent and my friends would try to drag me onto the dance floor I always felt really uncomfortable. For the past two years, I've been pushed/commingled into a group of people who do enjoy dancing (classmates of my BF) and going out and doing all those things that you do in NYC on a Saturday night as a young adult. What usually happens is that I watch them, get very depressed (this lasts only while I'm in the situation and maybe for a few hours afterwards) and basically shut down - can't really talk to anyone, on the verge of crying, but still wanting to go there and join them, because it looks like they're having fun, but I can't(not in the sense that I might be bad at it, but just physically immovable from my vantage point), which makes me feel even worse - basically it becomes a vicious cycle. I have done it once or twice, but only if I was so drunk that I was throwing up afterwards and even then I felt very self-conscious through the alcoholic haze.
A few weeks ago, my BF got an intro package to a dancing school for 2 private lessons and then one group lesson. I got there and was shaking, fast heart beat, sweating... deer in headlights type look. The teacher was very good and pretty understanding about it, so that helped and he showed us some steps and I did them, more mechanically than anything else. The second time we went, a week later, the teacher was not good, I did the steps again, but just could not see myself ever enjoying it and shut-down again right afterwards for a few hours.
We go to family gathers (BF's side) at restaurants sometimes and there is usually dancing at those events - he has told certain members of his family about my phobia, which has helped, but not everyone knows about it of course and at the same time I don't really want them to know, because it is embarrassing. We need to go to two weddings this year, one in June and one in Sept., at which there will definitely be dancing. We are also planning to have our own wedding in 2 years or so and he wants there to be dancing, while I obviously don't.
So that's where things stand. Is there anyone else out there with the same problem?
Some more background information - I have performed on stage in a band in front of an audience a few times and have no problem with playing my instrument or doing back-up vocals. I don't have any other social anxieties. Just dancing.
Should I seek professional help? Has anyone had this problem and gotten help for it? I want to feel comfortable, but can't do it. I'm having anxiety just thinking about those upcoming events and really don't want to go because of that aspect.
Thanks to anyone who answers...

Hi & welcome to our community!
Sheri Ann
Welcome! I am sorry to hear that this issue is distressing you. Since you don't seem to have performance anxiety in other areas, it would seem that developing your ability to dance through the lessons would be the correct way to address it. I know that I get very anxious before singing in public, but with lots of practice & through professional lessons, I have gained more confidence.
I know this sounds wierd, but my panic attacks/phobias do not involve performing or social situations. Panic strikes when I feel I have no control or that I will be confined in a space where I *might* require help & there will be NO help available. I panic