New here.. too much to handle?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2006
New here.. too much to handle?
4
Tue, 02-20-2007 - 11:47pm

Hello, my name is Jacqueline and this is my first time posting on this board. I post over at TTCAM usually. I have been on Lexapro in the past but stopped when DH and I decided to try to concieve our 3rd child. I have 2 daughters, 8 and 5 years old.

Since March of last year, I have had 2 miscarraiges. We are going to try one last time and that is it... :-(

I turn 40 next month, so that is getting me down. DH did some majorly stupid financial/IRS stuff back in December that we are still dealing with.

And the biggest thing, is that my Dad was recently, last week, diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and goes in for surgery next Wednesday. My DH is out of town again, it is the busy time of year for him to travel. He was away when we found out about my dad, home for a few days and gone again until the surgery.

My girls are home this week for February vacation. Which is actually better since I don't have to rush around in the morning.

Lately, I just feel sick to my stomache all the time. Major anxiety, sleep and appetite changes. I just feel such dread. I do not know how to get myself out of this. I do not want to go back on meds since we are trying to get pregnant. Unlikely this month due to DH's travel schedule. But, at my age, I can't put it off too long.

I just don't feel any hope, I am sad & depressed. My poor 8yo threw up last week at 1am. I just sobbed and sobbed about it. I told her it wasn't her fault. Then while cleaning it up I just couldn't stop gagging... urgh.

When I first found out about my dad, I cried uncontrollably for a couple of days. The tears have stopped, but the dread and stomache ache have continued. I am so mad a God right now. I try to pray, but it all seems so pointless. He has said NO to me for the last year, why would now be any different?

I am alone... and scared....

Sorry for the long rambling post....

<>
Jacqueline mom of Talia Rhiannon (5/4/1998) & Ellowyn Nerys (2/7/2002)

<<Hugs>> Jacqueline - Mom to Moira Rowan too!

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2006
Wed, 02-21-2007 - 12:14am
Oh hon, (((((((*****)))))))) I feel for you and what you have and are going thru! You have had alot of saddness in a short time and that would make anyone, even without anxiety, feel awful!! I totally understand you not wanting to go on meds and even at that, they would take a while to work anyhow. One thing I thought of was, is there any way for you to see someone?? A clergy person or a therapist, or even your OB/GYN??? With the miscarriages, your dad and the stress of trying to conceive, you are really overwhelmed. One of those people, or all of them should be able to give you some hope of feeling better. I wish I could take away the feeling of dread. Please don't think that God is telling you NO or turning his back on you. I believe he is still there and that there is a reason for all of this even if no one knows what it is. You are a strong person even if you don't think you are right now. Its courageous of you to even seek out help when you are feeling so low. Please think about making an appt with your Dr about this. I am sure they can offer even more support than you will get here. This is a great board and you will feel very welcome here. Its helped me so much already and I haven't posted that long. I'm sorry I don't have great words of wisdom to share but I will tell you that I will be thinking of you and praying for the best for you and your dad. Please keep us posted. BIG HUGS TO YOU!!! Erin
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Wed, 02-21-2007 - 4:45pm

Hi Jacqueline & welcome to our board!

Sheri Ann

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Wed, 02-21-2007 - 6:30pm

welcome30.gifHi, Jacqueline! I am sorry to hear about the stressors that have gotten you off track. Life does hold it's ups & downs. We have little control over that. What we can control is how much or how little

 

 


 



iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2006
Wed, 02-21-2007 - 10:54pm

Thank you for your warm welcome!

I have called my therapist and she called me right back and I am seeing her on Friday.

I have also called my friends (who live in PA, I am in MA) and talked with them for an hour or so. Their support means a lot to me. I am still feeling icky and anxious, but this is a start.

Thanks again

<>
Jacqueline

<<Hugs>> Jacqueline - Mom to Moira Rowan too!

 

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