Bad Feeling
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| Thu, 02-22-2007 - 10:08am |
Hello To All. I hope you are all doing well.
Do you ever suddenly get a really bad feeling, like you feel like major depression just came over you suddenly without any warning? You were feeling ok and were not even thinking about anxiety or anything being wrong and BAM, you just get that really bad feeling? I use the word depression because it is like I will suddenly get this feeling like total doom and gloom. Nothing in particular sparks it which really bothers me because I cannot know what it is that caused it so I can fix it. The bothersome part is that when it happens, I feel like there are walls up around me and that I cannot do anything at all to get rid of the feeling. Like it is consuming me and nothing I do can make the feeling stop and no one else can help me. Even though they try, it is like no one can help, almost like they are there but I cannot connect to them. Know what I mean? And something else that gets real bothersome is the thought in my mind when I get like that is that nothing in the world matters, like there is nothing important and that everything and everyone is meaningless. I HATE that the most. That is the WORST feeling. It is like I cannot find meaning or importance in anything or anyone during these moments. I know that is not really the case when I am feeling ok, but in those moments it is like I am walled in to that bad place mentally and I cannot access my normal self. Does anyone follow me on this? That is the best way I can describe it.
Kim

(((Kim))) If everyone is being honest, they will admit to feeling like this @ some point in their life. I have felt it & can add that the thought that scares me the most is when I want to throw up my hands & say, *what's the point?* If I allowed myself to focus on that, I *would* be doomed. Once again, these thoughts will not harm you. They never last forever. You are NOT crazy, nor will you go crazy.
We talked about this on another board & we were in consensus that it's a battle to move past the thoughts. I try hard not to let them swallow me up. If I pay less attention to them, all the better. Giving them my time, only gives them more power. Hopefully you have a bag of tricks(coping skills)
Thanks for writing Erin. The feeling did not last too long. The worst part of it was like 10 mins max and then of course I had lingering feelings all evening. I just hate when it happens. I try to remind myself that it always ends and I always get back to normal, it just feels too real at that moment. In the past, I used to get more of an anxious feeling suddenly out of the blue and I would have the heart racing, nausea, and chills feelings. Now it is like I get this really down feeling instead. It is like one replaced the other.
I am not suicidal either but I can see where someone would think that if you were to tell them about this and they had not experienced it themself. I was afraid to say it too but figured you all understand these things.
I am actually looking into the hormone thing. I think it could be a key to some of this. I will have like 2 solid weeks per month where I am ok lately and then have certain times when this is more likely to happen.
So I do not go into spells where I am really badly down for long periods of time and cannot function. And when I do get real down like that I am aware of what is happening around me, I just feel SOOOO bad at that time that it feels smothering. And when I feel better it is like a huge relief so I feel very thankful it is over but not like into a manic state which I think is what bi-polar people experience usually.
Thanks Jan. YES - I have had that feeling too. It is like you certainly do not want to die or anything but you are like 'what is the point'? Or 'why even go on?' So it is like you sound like you are giving up on life but you are quite the opposite - you WANT to feel good and better and move past this horrible feeling SOOO bad. Like really bad.
Thanks for the reassurance that I am not going crazy. I keep reminding myself that I am always aware of who I am, where I am, and reality is there. It is just so powerful sometimes to have that horrible feeling that it makes you feel like you are in some other world walled off from normalcy. Know what I mean?
Kim
Yes, this has happened to me more than once, Kim.
Sheri Ann