Annoyed with therapist
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Annoyed with therapist
| Thu, 02-22-2007 - 12:59pm |
So my therapist wants me to go to an Alanon meeting. Um... what? I'm in therapy for social anxiety. My father was an alcoholic but he got sober when I was 6 years old and he died in 2000. Why would I go to an Alanon meeting? I told her I didn't want to go and had no interest in it at all and I've been to a meeting before when I had to do a college paper on it and I felt like the people there were a bunch of whiners. I have no interest in disussing my childhood with strangers or dwelling on my father's drinking, which doens't affect me becuase I don't remember it! So she said she wants me to "commit to one meeting." I told her okay just to shut her up becusae she wouldn't stop talking about it.
Does anyone else think this is ludicrous?
Does anyone else think this is ludicrous?

Hi! I'm not the *t*, nor was I present @ your session. That being said, perhaps something in your behavior that you are not conciously aware of or are in denial about, has caused the therapist to think that Al-Anon would be in your best interest.
Noone should do anything that they would feel uncomfortable doing. I have always found it's in
Well I contacted her and told her that I wasn't going to go to the Alanon meeting. I can't walk into an alcoholics meeting and talk about my social anxiety! It's ridiculous. My therapist said she would look for other groups for me.
Glad I have you guys to bounce this off of.
Hi, there, sorry this is long! I'm new to anxiety but "old" to AlAnon issues. I had the alcoholic dad, then married a guy just like him thinking I could "fix" him, etc. etc. I didn't think I had any issues with my dad (he'd been out of my life since I was 11) until I started going to therapy. I think there are several schools of thought on how to use your past to heal your present and future. I've seen several therapists and had one or two who really liked to analyze the past quite a bit before moving on. I learned to cut to the chase by explaining what I already had learned about myself from my issues. You can do some of that kind of thing on your own through self-help workbooks, and I think there are message boards/chats here in the ivillage community for AlAnon/ACOA.
**What I can tell you is just from my own experience.**
Going to counseling and to AlAnon ultimately helped me to figure out how my ACOA (adult child of alcoholic) stuff factors in to the kind of person I became, why I married an alcoholic, and how to address those issues to continue to become the kind of person I want to be. My AlAnon/ACOA group became a lifeline for me through my divorce. We became like family, and several of us let go of the "anonymous" part and are close friends to this day.
It is very challenging to me as a person with anxiety to walk into a big room full of strangers, so I completely understand that part of it. Ten years ago, before I had anxiety, it took me a month or two of weekly AlAnon meetings before I felt truly comfortable. I started with just listening, no sharing. Then I realized I was hearing basically my own story from the others - we were all there for the same reason, to give each other strength and hope and to share experiences that would help us all deal with the past, cope with the present, and move on to a healthier future.
In the beginning, when people are new to that process, it can be very strange and uncomfortable, even without anxiety issues. Some groups have a "whinier" dynamic than others - it is certainly possible for a group to get a bit stuck in blaming the alcoholic instead of engaging in healthy venting, then moving forward. I was very blessed to be in a group that had some folks who'd been working the program long enough to recognize when it got whiny, and to gently urge the discussion toward more positive approaches.
This is just my two cents. As we say in AlAnon, take what you like and leave the rest.
Best wishes! AJ
Hey there, I'm glad you had a positive experience and if I offended you in any way by talking about "whiners", I certainly apologize!
My father was a mentally ill alcoholic. However, he went to AA and made a good life for himself. I don't remember ever seeing my dad with a beer bottle in hand, only in pictures have I seen that. Any violence issues in my home stemmed from his paranoid delusions from scizophrenia, and not from alcohol.
I think my therapist does not understand me well enough to make a good recommendation. I am a VERY practical, just give me the bottom line kind of person. Think of most men you know. They want a Solution, and don't want to dwell on the problem. That is my personality. I will get nothing out of going to a group and talking about my past. I'm just not like that. I've done it before with other therapists, and found it annoying, exhausting and void of any significance for me.
I want to MOVE ON. I am 30 years old and I want to have a life full of friends, activities, and love, and not of social fears. If someone can tell me how to do that, I'd love to hear it! But I don't think about my childhood, and although I'm sure it shaped who I am today, I have no interest in talking about it. So, really those are the reasons why I won't go to Alanon. But again, I know it helps many people, just as AA helped my father for 18 years before he died in 2000.
Cheryl
I'm glad that you called her & let her know how you felt.
Sheri Ann