Some sad thoughts

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2006
Some sad thoughts
5
Mon, 02-26-2007 - 12:28pm
First off, I want to say that I'm feeling alot better. I'm having some anxiety and depression though. But, that always seems to happen when I get sick, so I'm sure it will fade soon. The thing is, I've been having some depressing thoughts about the future. When I see an older person happy, it makes me sad. I feel like that won't be me, that I'll be suffering from a/d for the next 50 years or so. It seems so overwhelming that I hope for a heart attack or something like that before I grow old. It seems to much to suffer for the next 50 years. (No, I'm not suicidal, its just a hopeless though).
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Mon, 02-26-2007 - 2:03pm

(((Candace))) I am sorry to hear you feel this way. Many of us have thought the same. It IS difficult to see past the bad that we're feeling. In a way, learning to deal with our lives is a personal issue. Life is full of struggling. It won't be easy for anyone, whether they suffer from anxiety or cancer. It's easy to doubt that we'll fully recover. Sometimes, I have gone so far in my mind's eye, that I began to wonder why I was even here. I was able to fill a spiritual void & it gave me great comfort. I hope you can do something similiar.


For now, I can say that I have had panic attacks for 36+ years. Most of those years were happy ones. I went to school. I had a nursing career & even look forward to returning to a job soon. I married, raised 2 dd's, lived a life. No better or worse than others. I won't ever be famous, nor do I aspire to be. I simply lived a life. This is going to sound a bit maudlin, perhaps, but I think Iris Dement says it all: My Life


My life, it don't count for nothing.
When I look at this world, I feel so small.
My life, it's only a season:
A passing September that no one will recall.

But I gave joy to my mother.
And I made my lover smile.
And I can give comfort to my friends when they're hurting.
And I can make it seem better for a while.

My life, it's half the way travelled,
And still I have not found my way out of this night.
An' my life, it's tangled in wishes,
And so many things that just never turned out right.

But I gave joy to my mother.
And I made my lover smile.
And I can give comfort to my friends when they're hurting.
And I can make it seem better,
I can make it seem better,
I can make it seem better for a while.

Oh, oh oh.
Oh oh.
HTH jan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2007
Mon, 02-26-2007 - 4:13pm

Hey girl!! I just wanted to send a big hug your way...and I get the same way when I get sick or I don't feel good, but you have to keep saying to yourself that this will get better, I will get better. And it is HARD, I know...I have been dealing with this mess since last summer and there are days where I just wish I could close my eyes and go away, but then I start to think about why I am going through this, because I beleive that everyone has a plan and a purpose, and I am learning lessons as I go along. I have adrenal and hormone problems which makes it more challenging, but trust me, it will get better, but I just want to know I know how you feel and I am sending much needed love and prayers your way, and I hope you feel better soon, and keep telling yourself that tomorrow is going to be a better day...I know it sounds crazy, but talking to myself and repeating certain things over and over again in my head helps...almost like my body follows along...but know we are here!! much hugs and luv

Krista

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2006
Mon, 02-26-2007 - 4:54pm

Oh Jan, that was completely what I needed to read. What a beautiful poem. I'm going to paste this somewhere I can return to it for inspiration. She sums up alot of what I'm feeling. And thanks, as always, for your support.

You having lived with anxiety for 36 years, how do you feel when you look back on your life? I look back and wish so desperately to be the way I was before anxiety or depression. I was such a bright, happy person. Now that I have everything I've ever wanted, I can't seem to enjoy it. Its like someone else is living in my head now. If you ask me if I love my job, my husband, my kids, my house, car, everything, its a YES. I can't understand why there is always that cloud above though.

I'm just going through a hard time. Hopefully it will fade soon.

Candace

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Fri, 03-02-2007 - 4:48pm

(((Candace))) Things will get better, it seems like a roller coaster ride sometimes, doesn't it?? I do so great for awhile, then blah :(

Sheri Ann

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2006
Sat, 03-03-2007 - 12:13pm

hi my name is melissa and i just wanted to let you know i have also been through the same things. i have been dealing with and diagnosed with panic disorder and depression. i have been taking prozac for 4 months now and i also do therapy every other week.
but sometimes..especially around the time of my period i start to get manic depressive and so panicky.it is horrible but i have found ways to cope. but i know i am 20 years old right now and recently me and my bf have been having problems and we have been so serisou for a while now and i would get so down thinking about my future and if he wasnt in it and if i was just wasting my youth on something like this. i didnt want to think like that but it just happens i know they are just thoughts and i dont let them get me down or upset antymore.

i hope you feel better
melissa