Having a really rough time
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| Fri, 03-02-2007 - 7:13pm |
Hello,
I am hoping that someone out there can help me out, I am looking for something to help me with my panic and anxiety, which is beginning to get out of control :(
I am 23, and I take Effexor XR for mild depression and anxiety, but the last year or two has taken a toll on me and I am really struggling. I have dealt with some bad stuff at work, where I received a negative reference from my boss out of spite, which cost me an amazing job opportunity that would have helped out with my financial situation (causing me a ton of stress). I made a complaint to HR, and they basically told me nothing could be done. Around the same time this happened, my grandfather died, and then 1 month and a half later my cousin, also 23, died. He literally dropped dead, the doctors couldn't pinpoint a reason other than his really high temperature caused a seizure, but they don't know what caused the temperature to be so high. Now I am scared all the time that I too will die, I have seen tons of doctors and specialists for all of my "symptoms", and I've been told I'm healthy but no matter what I try a part of me still won't believe them.
On top of all this, another one of my cousin's was falsely accused of a crime (by a girl who is trying to get back at him, it is a very complicated and twisted story, which I can't really share the details of) and he is currently on trial facing 5-10 years in prison....he's 26.
There is also another problem that has been ongoing for about 2 years now, having to do with my inlaws. They are having difficulties with their daughter-in-law, who just treats them horribly and their son allows her to get away with it. Unfortuneatly, the reason they have to put up with it is becuase this woman has threatened to keep their grandaughter from them if they don't "be nice to her" (which means they can't disagree with her, tell her they don't like her behaviour and talk to her about all the things she has done to them over the years, like steal from them) and although I'm not directly involved it kills me to see them hurting and and having to essentially be doormats to this witch just to be able to visit with their grandaughter (oh who by the way, they aren't aloud to hold, they are only aloud to look.....the woman is NUTS). I understand WHY they are doing it, and it's their choice to make, but it just kills me that they are hurting so badly becuase of this horrible woman.
Reading back over all of that, I cannot beleive that is my life right now....a few years ago everything was ok, now I feel like my family and people I care about are being torn apart by all of this pain and tragedy (there are other things going on that I haven't put here, not enough space). I feel like I am watching people slowly fall apart, and I can't do anything about it. All of this stress is causing me to feel extreme anxiety, and I've begun having panic attacks. Now it's to the point where I feel like I am constantly fighting the panic, it's just there waiting for me to let my guard down and let it happen. I am so scared, and frustrated, and angry I can't even write this without bawling my eyes out. I feel so helpless and tired of fighting this. I know that after reading about my "problems" you probably think I'm pretty wimpy for reacting like this, but trust me, it's been a hell of a year.
People keep telling me that I can't let things get to me the way I do, and I shouldn't worry about things that aren't my problem, but to me, anything that affects people I love IS my problem, to some extent. Maybe that's the wrong attitude? I don't know. I don't really know anything anymore. I've been feeling so helpless I don't know how to cope with anything. I've been seeing a therapist, and it has helped somewhat, and I'm trying to be patient, but I am having so many physical symptoms, like palpitions, headaches, stomach problems, depression etc that I'm losing hope of ever feeling normal....I am scared of all the symptoms I'm having. I can't even excersise becuase I scared that my heart will stop! See, I am going nuts.
Sorry this is so long, but my actual question was how do people is my situation, who are losing hope, deal with their anxiety? I don't want to miss anymore if my life becuase I am scared to go outside. I'm tired of this, but the things I am being told to do aren't working for me. Does anybody know of anything that will help, that has helped them in the past? Books, music, strategies, anything? I'm willing to do almost anything at this point.
Thanks,
Lindsay

Hi, Lindsay! I am glad to see you here but wish it was under better circumstances. As I read through your post I had a hard time sorting out what is really affecting YOU & what you are allowing yourself to be affected by. We can't control everything in our lives & @ some point in the name of self-preservation we have to let it go & put us first!
Many on this board have used meds & therapy in combination to regain their lives. To make some sense out of their fears/anxiety/worry/panic. It would seem that your effexor is not doing the best job it could. Though I will be the first person to admit that meds are only a tool. They will not solve our problems. What about seeing a therapist? It doesn't mean you're crazy to reach out for help. I have found that a good therapist has helped me to identify my stressors & the ineffective ways to cope I have learned. There IS hope. You CAN un-learn these old behaviors that aren't working for you. Please take a look @ our *coping tips & tricks* folder below. I am a big fan of reducing stress, learning to manage my worries, belly breathing & meditation.
You are NOT alone. You have the ability to make a turnaround here with the right tools. Our community is very generous in supporting new members. We have chats on Tues. & Thurs. evenings. Watch for the posts. We do care about you & want to see you live the life you deserve. Good luck & GBU! (((hugs))) jan
Hi Lindsay,
I felt the same way as you do a while back. I had a lot of bad things happen around me and to my loves ones. I felt like my life was falling apart. I found it hard to get out of bed and function.
I had palpitations, headaches, dizziness, and nausea. I seriously thought that I was going to die of a heart attack. After being checked out by a doctor I was given Paxil and I was on it for about a year.
My sypmtoms of anxiety and depression did not go away immediately. I just kept going and sorted things out slowly. My dd was molested by someone in my dh's side of the family. The whole family started taking sides, we involved the police, my dd was not doing well in school, I had to worry about her mental health.
It was a mess but I am here today, our lives are different, and sometimes I miss how things used to be, but there are alot of good things to look forward to.
All these things around you may not be in your hands, but as long as you don't give up you will come out at the end of the tunnel with a new perspective on life.
I would say you are moving in the right direction by trying to improve your health, therapy, and reaching out to others. You seem to care alot about others, just don't forget to focus on yourself, too.
Thanks for the kind and helpful words, I am feeling somewhat better today! To the poster that asked if I am currently on meds, I am currently taking Effexor. I have been considering upping my dose until I can get a handle on the panic and anxiety, but I think I would like to give the therapy a chance to work before I do that.
I do think that I tend to take on other people problems as my own, and I realize it just adds to my stress. This is one of my focuses in therapy, learning how to identify the things I can control, and then learn to cope with the things I can't. Most of the things I listed in my original post are things I can't control, but I have a really hard time with those things, especially watching my family go through so much pain....For the past year I think I have cried every single day.
I honestly think that my cousin dying was the trigger for my anxiety getting out of control. Because we are the same age, and he was healthy and normal, it terrified me to think that it could happen to me too. After he died, I spent weeks going to various doctors, visiting the emergency room, browsing the web for hours looking for information on the aches and pains I was having (all related to anxiety). It became like an addiction, I spent hours everday on medical sites, even on here reading posts on all sorts of diseases and imagining I had everyone of them. It is getting a little better now....sometimes I have "relapses" where I panic and start searching the internet again, but the "episodes" are getting fewer and far between.
Anyways, thanks again for the kind words, and thanks for letting me vent. I think venting really helps me sort through the issues that are the source of my anxiety, but I don't get to do it very often as I really have no one to talk to about this...thanks for listening
Lindsay
Hi Lindsay,
I am glad to hear you are feeling better today. Sounds like it has not been your year at all! I am so sorry for all of your losses. I can tell you that I believe alot in positive and negative energy and that some people who are as empathetic as you are, tend to take on the energy loads of others. I know, because I used to do it alot and it can really bring you down. If you meditate at all, try imagining a wall of mirrors around you all the time, for that energy to bounce off of. I hope this doesn't sound wacky!! It really does work! There are even places you can go to get therapy to get rid of negative energy that you might be carrying around. I am sure this could lead to anxiety, it did for me. It is really easier said than done for people to tell you not to get worked up over other people's problems. Some people are just sensitive to the hurt their loved ones are feeling more than others. I do think you need to focus more on you right now though. One thing that really helped me thru the rough times was journaling. I would just sit and write about my day and then at the end, I would make a list of all the positive things that happend. Even on the worst days you can think of something. Even if its just that it was a sunny day, or your child made you laugh. There are lots of helpful and well-meaning woman on this board, I am glad you found us! I hope some of my post helped you in some way! Keep posting! Hugs, Erin