Want to calm down and feel better...

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2002
Want to calm down and feel better...
8
Mon, 03-12-2007 - 1:38pm

Lately my anxiety has been very high as I have been going through many things at work, at home, etc. One huge thing is that my boyfriend and I broke up about 2 1/2 months ago and I have been trying to work through my relationship with him. In the meantime, my other ex wants me to get back together with him. Problem is, he lives in Colorado (I live in NJ) and he wants me to visit. I am scared of flying, although I do it when I have to, but never have done it alone. I have another friend in CO who also wants me to come visit. So I booked a ticket to go at my therapist's urging to try it, be adventurous, push through my fear, etc. However, my anxiety has skyrocketed. I can't even think about the trip without having a panic attack. I feel tired, dizzy (is this normal from anxiety?), nauseous, etc. And It's not just the flying. I am nervous about getting there on the plane alone and because it's unfamiliar, I am also nervous about being there. What if I don't feel comfortable and have a panic attack? What if I don't want to leave my friend's house b/c I feel scared?

I want to do this, but it's the week after next and it feels too soon and too scary. I need some help and encouragement.

Thanks.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Mon, 03-12-2007 - 6:24pm

Hi! I'm sorry to hear that you're so stressed out. I do know from my anxiety that many times catastrophic thinking gets me into trouble. What I think might happen & what actually does happen are two totally different things. Try to focus on the *here & now.* All these *what ifs* are a precious waste of time & energy.


We have had others fly successfully. Hopefully they will add their thoughts. From my experience, telling the cabin crew right up front that I am a white knuckle flyer is a reassurance. Some folks have taken their anti-anxiety meds prior to flying. If you don't have anything, will your dr. consider giving you a couple of doses to get you through? There is a good chance you will never need them. Sipping water, watching an in flight movie, carrying a relaxation or meditation CD can be helpful. If you can, check out the *coping tips & tricks* folder below. You can have the belly breathing learned by the time of your flight. Write a list of positive affirmations to refer to if needed. *I will be fine. I know that fear cannot hurt me. These are only unpleasant thoughts. I am ok & can face anything. The crew knows what they're doing. They will fly me safely to my destination. The airlines have a great safety record.*


I have never used these links, but they were provided by a former boardie. http://www.aviatours.co.uk/


http://www.flyingwithoutfear.info/post_course.htm


http://www.flyingfear.co.uk/


http://www.fearofflying.com/

 

 


 



iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2002
Mon, 03-12-2007 - 7:28pm

I know that for me, it's not just the flying, it's the entire trip. Even though I will be with people I know, it will be an unfamiliar place and I know I won't feel comfortable, at least not immediately. Since I tend to be somewhat agoraphobic, I know this will lead me to want to just curl up in a ball on my friend's couch and not go out. I am falling into the "what if...?" trap. "What if I get anxious? What if I have a panic attack and can't calm down? What if I get sick?" I get worried about the potential embarassment and worried that it's going to be a wasted trip. I am walking around with a constant headache and stomachache from all of this and don't know what to do. I hate to let fear control me, but I don't quite know how to control the fear.

I have Xanax which I was thinking perhaps I should just take the whole trip, from before the flight until after the flight home. It's a low dose (0.25 mg) so maybe 3 a day will keep me calm?

Lisa

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2004
Tue, 03-13-2007 - 1:18am
{{{{HUGS}}}}
        
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2007
Tue, 03-13-2007 - 10:19am

It's awesome that you booked the flight and are going to work through your fears!! I'm right there with you - we have flights booked next month for what was supposed to be a relaxing vacation. My panic/anxiety is new, so I wasn't prepared to face all those fears, either.

I have the same dosage of Xanax, and I will be taking it on top of my BuSpar if needed. I'm also loading an ipod with a movie and some relaxing music and meditations, so I can slow down and breathe calmly once we get airborne (think I'll have to keep it off during take-off and landing though).

Facing our fears is a huge deal, and I, too, tend to avoid it and want to just curl up and wait for this all to go away. Unfortunately, that will never work! I made myself go to the BMV yesterday with dh to renew my driver's license - I was anxious but not over the top, although at one point I was gripping the counter so hard I was afraid the clerk would think I was some kind of nut. I was afraid I'd flunk the eye exam, afraid I'd get dizzy, afraid I'd be shaky and they'd take away my license - and NONE of that happened!!

Take the time to do that belly breathing - it helps! Best wishes! AJ

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Wed, 03-14-2007 - 5:30pm

The only thing that worked to get me on the plane to Orlando, was NOT thinking about it!

Sheri Ann

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2002
Thu, 03-15-2007 - 10:36am

Yesterday I had a great day. I woke up feeling calm and I just pushed through the whole day. When I felt the anxiety creeping up, I literally out loud said "NO!" and wouldn't let myself get worked up. However, I woke up this morning, and there it was again. In the pit of my stomach. I felt like throwing up or crying. I didn't even want to come to work. I am so scared of getting on the plane, and not thinking about it is hard, too. It's always in the back of my mind.

As for visiting friends, yes, I am. But they are long-distance friends, so I can't help but feel like these are people who don't know me in the day-to-day, and what if I am anxious the whole time and they don't know how to calm me, or I can't get calm, how embarassing. :( I am just scared for the whole trip. It's to Colorado - so my anxiety-ridden hypochondria is even worrying about altitude sickness. :(

Any tips are helpful - I am already planning on bringing a DVD player with funny movies. My ipod. A book. Snacks. My Xanax of course. Any other tips for being in an unfamiliar place and feeling anxious?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Thu, 03-15-2007 - 10:47am
WOW! Congrats on pushing through the anxiety. I think you have the skills @ hand to make that trip a winner to Colorado! I have found that keeping physically busy & planning plenty of distractions make it less likely that I will find the time to focus on the anxious thoughts. Please take care. Have a great time! Let us know how it goes. I am so jealous:) (((hugs))) jan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2007
Fri, 03-23-2007 - 6:34pm
I understand everything you are going through! I have felt that exact same way. It is so funny, I have never been afraid of flying, in fact I used to love it, but when my anxiety started i began to fear it. I have had those same thoughts... what if I panic on the plane? What if I get scared? The fight or flight reaction constantly. The way I look at it is that you CANT let it control you (I know easier said than done) but when you start to think about it like that its easier. YOU are in control and you can control the way you feel you just need to work on it. Nothing bad is going to happen on that plane and there is nothing scary in Colorado... and once you face those things I PROMISE you will feel better about your anxiety, I did.
As for your nausea, dizziness and fatigue it is SO normal (and pretty annoying too if you ask me). Being anxious is a lot of stress on your body and that wears you out.