I need to vent..don't know what to do.
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I need to vent..don't know what to do.
| Wed, 03-21-2007 - 10:56am |
DH was the cause of my anxiety last night!! I realize he means well, but he doesn't understand my problems that are deep in my mind. After we went to bed last night he suddenly says, "I want to talk to you, you don't want to be a stay at home mom do you?" So I said, I thought I did, but I'm going nuts. So he asked me what do I want to do to make me happy. Because, according to him, I can't do well unless I'm happy with me and what I'm doing. So he asked if I still wanted to study meteorology and climatology. I told him I'd like to but I can't. So he get aggrivated with me and says why cant you, if you want it bad enough you can do it. I told him that even if I really wanted to I would fail out, he says that he'd help me and what prerequisite classes do I need. So I told him I needed: Advanced Chemistry, Physics, Calculus, and Trig. I'm sorry, but Ashley and math nope we don't mix well; we're not friends. He got pissed off at me! He kept asking me what would make me happy, what do I want to do that would make me happy. The thing is I don't know what would make me happy. I just don't know! I told him that I haven't thought about me first since I was 16 when I became preggo with my oldest! I want to go back to work, but then again I don't. I hate the thought of my kids being plopped in daycare day after day like I was. I don't like the thought of them possibly enduring daycare abuse like I did. I guess DH can sense that I have extremely low self esteem, and I'm reluctant to put myself out there. He says he loves me and that he's only trying to help, but I get a vague sense that he's basically giving me an ultimatum. I just don't know where to turn, I am serious when I say I don't know what would make me happy..

QUESTION WOULD NOT KNOW WHAT TO DAY !!! HOW SAD =0(
We spend our lives doing for others---- caring, loving and DOING!!!
WE ARE SO BUSY WE PUT OURSELVES LAST!! NOT FIRST AS MOST MEN DO!!
My hubby does not "GET IT" either but then HE PUTS HIMSELF FIRST ALWAYS!!!
YOU have to start brainwtorming relax get some crayons and draw some
pictures and write what ever comes into your head!!
HERE IS ten thousand dollars---- and freedom to do what you want-----
YOU GO WITH IT and see what happens!!!! NOW NO WHAT IF's------ NOT ALLOWED!!!!
THIS IS YOUR DREAM PAPER no one will see it but you
just let it out
may take a few times but it will come out
My driving force was my LOVE OF TEACHING I HAD TO DO IT
My kids came first BUT I HAD TO BE HAPPY!! When they were 2 and potty
trained I worked part time teaching---- it was GOOD FOR ALL OF US!!
PUT YOUR DREAMS OUT THERE AND WATCH THEM COME TO YOU!!!!! HUGS!! Judy
(((Ashley))) I feel for ya): This is a big decision & one that involves alot of thought. Not a go-round in the bedroom & split second decision making. It would seem IMHO, that when you're pg the focus should be on managing the pregnancy & the time you will have with your newborn. Not making a life altering career choice. Hmm... I am sure your dh has the best of intentions, but he doesn't seem to be on the same page as you. Communication is the key. Just a thought, but if you really felt his intent was an ultimatum, then how about asking him?
I know that math can be mind boggling. But, you can still have your dream career. You might need some extra help & extra time to get through those courses. Don't let fear stop you. OTOH, make this decision when you're in a better place. GL! It was great to see you in chat last night. Let's do it again sometime;) jan
(((Ashley))) I'm sorry dh was causing you anxiety :(
Sheri Ann
**hugs**
Deciding what you want to do is never easy. It's definitely not something that you can decide at bedtime. It's nice that DH wants you to do the things that you want to do, and wants you to be happy and build up your self-confidence.
Tell him you need some time to think about it. Luckily school doesn't start until September, meaning that you have a few months to think about what YOU want for YOU. I think that the career that we were talking about the other night in chat would be a great one for you... if that's what you want to do, and it's likely that it could be flexible enough that you would be able to spend lots of time with your babies still.
Take care,
El
Hey Ashley...I understand where you are coming from, and from what I have learned going through this with my husband he probably really is trying to help...I know it seems like an ultimatum, but if there is one thing I have learned about men since August its that they like to fix things....they hate to see us going through this anxiety stuff and not being totally happy, and they feel helpless because they don't know what to do to help us or "fix" us, and it frusterates them, and they don't understand alot of what goes on. My husband is like this also...i stay at home right now and we dont have kids, but i like being at home and have anxiety about going places, and he keeps telling me that getting out and working somewhere at least part time will help, which I am going to do in a few weeks, but I am scared to death and dont know what I want to do...but the great thing is is that he noticed that you may need something else, and probably just wants to help you but gets frusterated like my husband does, but I don't think there is any doubt that he loves you and is really just concerned about your happiness. Have you checked into any home courses that you could take for anything? So then you could still be at home? But seriously think about what you want to do, im stuck in the same boat kind of floating and wondering which direction I should head in, but if working outside makes you uncomfortable let him know that....anyway i dont know if this was much help but I hope things get better...and it sounds like he really does just LOVE YOU!! lol...hard to underestand sometimes i don't know how many times I have wanted to smack my dh across the head lol...but its all from love...big hugs and take care!!
Krista