FALLING APART

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2007
FALLING APART
8
Wed, 03-28-2007 - 10:52am

I haven't posted in awhile, but I really need someone right now. I feel like my life is spiraling out of control. Me and my bf of 3 years are about to go our separate ways, and it is breaking my heart. He is 27 and just doesn't want to grow up. The situation is just out of control. I am so unhappy...I don't feel like I matter as much as he says I do. I work a full-time job, but I am not to expect him to do the same. And he always has money problems? Yeah, doesn't want to work but has money problems. You would think that any other 27 year-old would be able to figure it out, but this man- NO! It is like dealing with a teenager...

Plus, I am carrying the weight of his problems and mine on my back. It is dragging me down. Like quick-sand, I am going under. My anxiety is getting bad again because of all of this. I can only sleep for about four hours a night, even with xanax. I have thought about just driving my car into a tree to make things easier. I am under so much pressure that I want to scream! Or runaway...I could do that.

I am just so tired of this situation, somtimes I wish it/he would just disappear. Thank you for letting me get all of this off my chest. I feel like this is one of the worst days of my life....I need hope and faith

Mandi

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2007
In reply to: mzmandi_052
Wed, 03-28-2007 - 2:06pm

O hun!! I am in the same similar situation with dh....PLEASE don't think that any of what is going on in your life is your fault. PLEASE do not go and do something to yourself...you two probably need some time apart...for him to grow up and for your own sanity!!!

Hugs,
Jennifer

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2007
In reply to: mzmandi_052
Wed, 03-28-2007 - 2:37pm

Thank you for re-assuring me. I feel so much better now, we talked...argued...talked and argued some more. Things are okay, for now. MEN...UHHHHH!

I don't think I could handle this without this message board. Thanx guys!

Mandi

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
In reply to: mzmandi_052
Wed, 03-28-2007 - 4:06pm

(((Mandi))) I am sorry to hear this. Break-ups are never easy. I don't recall if you are taking an antidepressant or if you're in therapy. You might consider getting some extra help during this stressful time.


You are a good person. You deserve a good life. Please put yourself & your needs first. We can't change another person, but we have the ability to make changes to ourselves. Look @ this sad time as a chance @ making necessary changes. That you will be free of the stress & excessive burdens of the relationship & have the opportunity to start afresh. Like a renewal/re-birth. There is something positive in everything.


I care & want you to feel better. GL & GBU! jan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2007
In reply to: mzmandi_052
Wed, 03-28-2007 - 5:47pm

Hey you!! I wish you had told me about this earlier...I am so sorry hon. Can you sit down and talk to him? On one hand I like to think that every couple should sit down and try to work things out if you really care about eachother and the reasons for splitting up are not "too drastic" i guess is the way to put it...you know like cheating or something...but on the other hand it does sound like he needs to grow up a bit and not expect you to handle all of his problems, especially financial things...I know you guys are not married and im not sure do you live together? but any relationship is a partnership and both need to help the other, and you certainly do not need any more stress put on you with your anxiety...is there anything you can do even if it is just getting out and driving to calm your nerves a bit? I know it is hard, I know the pain all too well but just know that you can get over this if you end up splitting up, you are a very strong and wonderful person from all the emails we have shared and you have to have faith that things will turn out for the best....are you seeing a therapist right now? because if you are not I think it would be a good idea...it HELPS so much I have been seeing therapists since i was about 8 years old lol...but if you havent yet sit down and have a really long talk with him...if he really and truly cares and is ready for a relationship, he will listen and try to help make it work...if not even though its gonna hurt tremendously it might be best for you to take some time apart from him....concentrate on YOU and making sure you are at your healthiest and happiest...and consider getting a therapist and have as many girlfriends and loved ones around you as you can!! And you know you can talk to me any time that you want...i and everyone here are here for you...i will be saying prayers and sending many hugs your way...hang in there girl!! much luv

Krista

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2005
In reply to: mzmandi_052
Wed, 03-28-2007 - 6:27pm
Mandi life is never worth giving up on. If talking with BF doesn't help maybe it is best you move on your way and find YOUR life. We would like to believe we can change people but unless they themselves want it there is nothing we can do but deceide to accept them on their conditions or move on. This is something you have to make the choice over.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2007
In reply to: mzmandi_052
Fri, 03-30-2007 - 11:06am

You are so awesome...even though I was dead set on walking away from him the other day, you offered great advice. (Like a real friend does..thank you!) And that is just what I did, we talked and argued until we were both blue in the face. He agreed to work more, and start thinking about his financial desicions before jumping the gun and doing something stupid. His desicions don't just affect him, but the both of us. I love him so much and I know he is trying. I keep at him (like his mother, he says) to keep him on track. If that is what is going to take to make him fully grow up then that's fine with me. LOL-!!!

Do you have a MySpace account? What about email? If so, let me know what your headline is or something so I can add ya on my page.

For someone that I met online thru a message board, we are so much alike in so many ways! Thank you for being here! Many hugs))))) Mad luv!

Mandi

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2007
In reply to: mzmandi_052
Fri, 03-30-2007 - 1:46pm

Hey you I am so glad!! Trust me I was married at 20 and its the hardest thing you will ever work at, but worth it if both of you are in it together...my husband was a real mommas boy when we first moved in together and it took almost three years of adjusting and then we ended up in marriage counseling which was totally worth it because i was thinking about leaving but my friend Kelly conviced me to keep trying...and now our marriage is stronger and going through this whole anxiety thing with me is oddly making it stronger as well...but I hope everything keeps working out, I am so glad I could help!! and per your request :) here is my email

LittleOne0916@aol.com

and here is my myspace page

http://home.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user&MyToken=50d10d8c-5298-4f58-839a-fa9576ec0c34

If that doesnt work just look me up under my email address or the name on my page which is Krishla (my nickname from my best friend Brianne) and def add me i love sending stuff back and forth...Brianne does all my backrounds for my page i just add all the crap to it lol...but anyway def find me and keep me posted....I luv ya girl keep me posted hopefully this message will get to you the other one i wrote got all messed up!! lol luv ya!!

Krista :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
In reply to: mzmandi_052
Sat, 03-31-2007 - 10:21pm

(((Mandi))) While it may be breaking your heart, you will probably feel much better once you part ways.

Sheri Ann