i am sad

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2007
i am sad
7
Sat, 03-31-2007 - 2:26pm
i am sitting at home alone on a nice day. i have been agoraphobic for over 10 yrs and thought i was getting better. i'm not. i recently started therapy again. i dont go back for a few weeks. i am trying to get pregnant, i have been trying to lose weight, i have been looking for a job....nothing is going my way. we have been trying for 6 mths to have baby..nothing works. i have been working out vigorously...i have only gained weight. i am looking for a job but when i see something i might want to do, i remember i am not going to be able to drive to work, i have agoraphobia...and i cannot find any at home work. and i am itching to work..i want to get out of this prison. i broke down and cried just now...thought about going to nap so i would not have to think about everything wrong in my life but i decided to get it all out on here. people are out today..they are shopping, driving around, laughing...normal people stuff. i am cooped up in here. i have been praying and praying for God to make a change in my life yet nothing feels better. i feel more depressed. my husband's job is ending in a few months and i have to get out there...someone offer me some light.
Lilypie
Avatar for peoplearenuts
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: mlm04
Sat, 03-31-2007 - 4:10pm

I know how you feel. When my anxiety was at its worst I had to call my therapist on a weekend just to have her walk me through a day. One good piece of advice she gave me was to make a schedule - what I had to get done, when I was going to do it. Believe it or not, that really helped. It made things less overwhelming.

I remember looking around at people as they were going to work or shopping in the grocery store wondering how on earth they could be functioning so normally. I was such a mess and it just seemed a mystery to me that other people could go through their lives with seemingly little or no anxiety. Now that I feel better I realize that is not the case - most people have some anxiety, we all just have different ways to deal with it.

Anxiety is a tricky disorder because the very thing that makes you feel better temporarily - avoidance - is the thing that is the worst for you in the long run. It feeds on itself.

Have you been to a doctor or therapist? Have you ever tried medication? Do you have any religious affiliation? Maybe a clergyperson/minister could make a housecall.

God can't make the change in your life. As difficult as it is, you have to be the one to make the changes you want. We are in control of our own destinies even if it doesn't feel like it most of the time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2003
In reply to: mlm04
Sat, 03-31-2007 - 5:01pm

hi there,


man does your post sound familiar to me in the hopelessness that you are expressing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: mlm04
Sat, 03-31-2007 - 7:02pm
Trying to lose weight and not doing so sucks. Trying to get pregnant and not doing so sucks. These are things to feel sad about, so I wouldn't tell you not to feel that way--but is there anything that you love to do, really enjoy, just to remove your mind from these bad feelings for awhile? Even five minutes would help, just something that you like (not food, since you are trying to lose weight). Sometimes it helps to think like a child again--kids seem to just live in the moment and they use their imaginations to make life stimulating. Seeing a counselor would be a good idea, too---I hope you will do that, and take care...peace,lyn
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
In reply to: mlm04
Sat, 03-31-2007 - 9:26pm

(((mlm))) Sorry to hear this. I have often said that when I became sick & tired of feeling sick & tired, I finally sought help. It was getting harder & harder for me to tell my kids that I couldn't drive them the places they wanted to go. I felt like such a disappointment):


Others have suggested therapy & I found that very helpful. I was taught how I contributed to my own panic attacks while driving. I was taught relaxation techniques. I still use them today & it's over 10 years later. Meds are only a tool until we can learn to cope better, but they will help us face the fear a little easier. It can become a sticky situation when we let our thoughts keep us down. It takes action to push our limits. We all have been guilty of being our own worst enemies.


Have you talked to your dr. about TTC? It is very difficult to get pregnant when attempting to diet. My

 

 


 



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
In reply to: mlm04
Sat, 03-31-2007 - 9:58pm

Having been agoraphobic myself, for almost 2 years, I can say that when I got to that point where you are right now - I made huge steps!

Sheri Ann

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2007
In reply to: mlm04
Sat, 03-31-2007 - 11:31pm
thank you for all your inputs. i am currently seeing a therapist. actually we are still working on my family history...which i had a great family history..so that did not contribute to my anxiety. i am exercising and if i get pregnant while i am exercising, i will at least be still keeping fit. my husband intiated a talk tonight because he sensed something was wrong...the hard part is that he is so supportive...i have to say that if he was the one with this problem..i would have a hard time dealing with it...but he is great. i used to think that i should leave him because i did not want to put him through this roller coaster..i thought that i would get mad enough to drive somewhere but once again...fear kicked in. another thing that frustrates me is that i hear that people dont actually get over this.. they learn to deal and then can relapse...at this point i would seriously settle for a brain transplant. but i wish i could erase the day that i had my panic attack. i was a free spirit so to speak. thanks again to all who responded. thank God for this board too. i felt i had hit rock bottom and this was my rescue.
Lilypie
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
In reply to: mlm04
Sun, 04-01-2007 - 6:42pm

I can relate to you sooo much!

Sheri Ann