Healthcare anxiety part III
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| Wed, 04-04-2007 - 5:09pm |
I had my bloodwork done this a.m.--I must say the blood taker was efficient and lovely and there was beautiful music playing while I was getting stuck (oddly enough, that part of it doesn't bother me at all). I have nice deep red blood---not that it means anything, of course.
I left thinking, "Well, it's done. Done. Now it will be discovered just what is happening, if anything, with me. Even if all the stuff comes back with terrible omens, I must accept it. I bow down, I accept, I resign myself to horrible illness and disability..."
OK, am getting weird about it, being totally irrational and thinking of tomorrow and today as "Before Possible Impending Medical Disaster" or (BPIMD for short) or "After Possible Impending Medical Disaster" (APIMD). I must do such and such BPIMD because I can't do it Sat since that will be APIMD....I feel I must do all this stuff in case I turn out to be very very ill and then, I won't feel like it...
Anxiety isn't fun, is it? Most of the above reads like a joke, but I am serious, I am thinking like this. And I know that to people reading this who have had bad medical news, well, they think I sound so babyish---"they are just routine tests!" Of course, and I should want to know the results--but somehow, I just want to hide.
Just less than 48 hours...then it will be done...peace,lyn PS--and I know of many people who had normal tests, but still had something wrong, so I won't be completely at peace even if nothing is found wrong...Stupid!!

That's the anxiety.
Sheri Ann