anxiety leading to failure

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2005
anxiety leading to failure
4
Thu, 04-05-2007 - 1:50am
hello,
my bf has a little phobia about exams..he doesnt throw up or feel dizzy or anything but he gets really nervous and starts forgetting stuff and at the end he does bad or fails although he studies really really well and starts preparing for the exams from a long time.. he doesnt have trouble with school or college exams just with big exams like SAT and tofel or in exams that are important or universal or stuff...if he keeps this up it will be a trouble for him..i tell him its just an exam its no big deal relax imagin you are at home but it doesnt seem to help..
can i please have some advice about his problem and how to overcome it.
thank you v.much.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Thu, 04-05-2007 - 5:25am

Hi! I am certain you have your bf's best interests in mind. However, he needs to seek help for himself. Relaying information to him that you have gleaned from other sources may work the opposite of what you want. It may make your bf angry or perhaps come off as nagging. It's like telling a person who's overweight that they need to go on a diet. Until THEY want to lose weight, chances are pretty good that they will resent our advice.


It's nice that you're thinking about him & concerned for his future. People with anxiety need others surrounding them who care & are supportive. When I was in college, there were exam prepatory classes offered for free to those folks who had trouble taking tests. Some people can't get organized or get overly anxious or have bad habits when taking an exam. Your bf probably would benefit from classes like this. HTH GL & GBU! (((hugs))) jan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Thu, 04-05-2007 - 10:08pm

I wonder if he could speak with an instructor and take his tests verbally, or in a different way?

Sheri Ann

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2006
Fri, 04-06-2007 - 6:04am

First of all, it sounds like you really care about your bf. He's lucky to have someone who doesn't devalue his feelings or pass judgement on him. That makes all the difference in the world, in case you didn't realize it.

It IS possible to have an anxiety or panic disorder AND Adult Attention-Deficit Disorder: Inattentive type at the same time (I do). I have a lot of test anxiety too, and was a "C" average student all through elementary, high school, and especially in college, where the schedules are tight, and the competition to succeed and graduate is EXTREMELY stressful. Exams and term papers are really good at prompting a lot of panic signals in the brain. Read here about adhd: inattentive type: http://remedyfind.com/HealthConditions/122/

I would really try to go easy on him. It probably makes his ego feel miniscule when you draw attention to his problem. As an anxiety/panic sufferer, I can tell you that there's absolutely nothing worse than when someone tries to hand out remedies without actually knowing what it's like to have a panic attack. It can be so severe that it becomes disabling, socially at least. And it FEELS physically disabling, too (chest pain, trembling, etc.).

The idea about the "special students" policy is a good one, for anxiety disorder OR ADHD, because it may be that he has a lot of anxiety about so many people being in one room, or something may distract him in the regular testing. The school should have more information about how to set up a separate testing area, so he should call them and tell them the situation. The policy will almost always require a doctor's diagnosis of the disorder LONG BEFORE the testing date, so make sure you do it on time. This requirement may also work to your advantage by FORCING him to seek help even if his ego doesn't want to. And you'll seem less like YOU are nagging and more like THE SCHOOL is nagging. Get my drift?
Good luck and happy testing!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2005
Fri, 04-06-2007 - 7:01am

thank u so much for all your help it gave me an idea of what im suppose to do

:)