not much hope left

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2007
not much hope left
11
Sun, 04-08-2007 - 12:04pm
i have had anxiety for about 14 years now. in the last 1 1/2 years, it has gotten to the point where i don't function anymore. i am scared to death to switch meds--i am scared to be alone, i am constantly dizzy & i get at least 1 panic attack every day. i started going back to counseling at the end of Jan. & she says i'm in "crisis mode" b/c of the amount of anxiety/fears & i hardly ever leave the house. i forced myself on friday to take my son back to kickboxing class & it was so depressing to see all these people taking for granted the fact that they could function. i would cut off an arm to be able to do that! anyway, i am quickly losing hope that i will ever function normally again or be a productive part of society, etc. has anyone ever gotten out of what i'm in & if so, how? i don't even know where to turn anymore. i feel so helpless & hopeless. please give any helpful advice. thanks.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2003
Sun, 04-08-2007 - 7:51pm
Hi. I had a kind of similar feeling. Earlier this year before I got help, I was almost afraid of going to work, going down the sidewalk, going to the store. I had really bad anxiety and OCD thoughts running through my head and all I wanted was to either be alone or with my husband and not be in public. It was one of the scariest periods of my life. It's great that you have taken the initiative to go to counseling again. That's a positive step.
You said in your post that you are scared to death to switch meds so I am assuming you are on something for anxiety now. Maybe your medication is no longer working for you? Have you spoken with your doctor about trying a new medication? I found that some medications have worked a lot better for me than others.
Another thing that has actually helped me some is talking to my parents and husband about what I have been going through the past couple of years that they did not know about. Strangely enough, it made me feel a lot better because I felt like I was more honest with them and it was kind of a big weight off of my chest to share it.
I haven't tried this option myself, but is there any sort of anxiety support group where you live? It might help to take baby steps like going to something like that since they would all be people who were probably struggling with some of the same issues. And you would also have the benefit of having a support group around that were going through similar things.
Little things that help me when I am particularly stressed are bubble baths, curling up on the sofa with a nice movie, playing with my dog, or calling a friend. I know these aren't really helpful for every day, but they may help to make it not as bad sometimes. It also helps me to keep a journal.
Sorry you are not feeling so great. Does your therapist have any other suggestions? She is probably also a great resource for suggestions.
Hope you start feeling better.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2007
Sun, 04-08-2007 - 10:19pm
Hi,
Thanks for your reply. I'm on Paxil & Ativan & have been for about 7 years now. I know it's not working like it used to but I've tried to wean off the paxil twice before & it was disastrous. I think it started getting really bad again when my cat died 1 1/2 years ago. He was 17 & it was probably the first time I had to deal with the loss of a pet. I know some people would say he was "just a cat" but he was my first "kid" before my son was born. He was a part of our family. I'm just so frustrated of seeing people take for granted the fact that they can drive or go to work or go shopping & I have anxiety just being alone every day. It doesn't do much for your self esteem & I'm exhausted from fighting it.
Lynn
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2007
Sun, 04-08-2007 - 11:48pm
Hello durrany and sc, I am glad I read your message you resonated my thought feeling fear as thought I wrote the message I am in such a panic mode that I am avoiding contact with people when I am set of it is hard to reground and it is scary , I like you have a proble with the idea that I may get caught in this but I remeind myself I have been hear befor and it is no doubt a time for healing stuff coming up I need to come to understand it is so hard and I feel so crazy but for the first time in my life I havea lso told people what is gong on and it has been a relief because well thay know and I can say when things are to much...and I did it took me about 24 hours to calm to mild anziety from my last reacting it is a drag but it mush have purpose also I wanted to ask what is the anziety like for you usally people are saying my heart pounds I feel like I am going to have a heart attack and I have had that but mostly I feel like I am grounded in and electiral current going threw my body some times it is so strong I get dizzy ...just wondered I have explained the anziety befor and I get a blank atair
peace to all
charlene
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Mon, 04-09-2007 - 12:41am

I am sorry to hear that you're feeling so hopeless. You are NOT alone. Many of us have faced this situation when the anxiety/panic became intense. It's almost as if inertia sets in & one can't see their way clear to make the necessary changes. Several years ago I was totally non-functional. I was unable to stay alone, drive, eat or sleep. Through meds & therapy, I began to get better. There was a point when I had to work hard by facing my fears in small steps.


Please try to focus on the positives in your life. That was a big step to take your ds to kickboxing. Congrats! Everything counts when we've been bitten by the anxiety bug. Even getting out of bed or

 

 


 



iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2005
Mon, 04-09-2007 - 12:52am
HUGS TO YOU ALL!!!
I have been where you are! It is horrible and yes people have
no idea what it is like to be so terrified! BUT I DO!!
I take Paxil and have for about 15 years I am on 30 mg now
and I also take xanax 4 times a day!
I was agoraphobic could not leave the house not even a trip to
the backyard for me!! The only thing I was able to do was teach!
I suppose that is because I loved it so much!! and it kept my mind
busy on other things!!
I developed SO MANY PHOBIAS over the years I think they acculmulated and
TOOK OVER!!
The Paxil stopped the horrible fears and depression! I told the DOC
that I felt reborn!! I was so scared to try the Paxil but my daugher told
me what harm can it do--- if you don't like the med you can STOP TAKING it!!
I realized I HAD CONTROL and could do what worked the best for me...
by doing nothing to help your illness you are giving up on yourself!
My heart goes out to you and I hopeyou will stay here for support!
TAKE CARE! Judy
You reached out to us at this site that is good!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2007
Mon, 04-09-2007 - 3:00am
Hello Judy,
and thanx much for your response. I have found great comfort in coming to this siste in simply know by reading that this is all part of being human. Not for every human but some.I appreciate your support and I am thinking a med change may be helpful at this time .I am glad to hear you have recovered from your debilitating fears and I hope you are out enjoying the tings you love .It is late so I am off for now agin thank you and thank you all
peacec
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2007
Mon, 04-09-2007 - 9:03am
Hi All,
I am so glad I came to this site this AM. I had all four adult kids over for Easter Dinner with their spouses and all five grandchildren. The oldest grandchild being seven and youngest being 11 months. I had everyone bring something because I cannot do it all myself any more. but when it came to serving dinner out I had a bad panic attack and my husband ushered me to my recliner and told me to SIT and STAY. I was still recovering from the panic attack which everyone knows takes time to come down from when my granddaughter who is four fell down my stairs. Instead of going and helping her I sat and screamed. People went to my granddaughter and she was fine. but I couldn't stop crying.
It is also the anniversary of my Mother's death and after her funeral I had a gran mal seizure.( in 2004) I am back in therapy, am on med's but I feel so useless. I can no longer work, am on disabilty and also have problems leaving the house. I feel my family would be better off without me in it. I pray to God that He would take me home to be with my Mom and Dad. I don't want to be like this any more.
Thanks for letting me vent.
Sylvia
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2007
Mon, 04-09-2007 - 11:27am
Thanks to all who reply. sometimes when emotions take over, it is hard to see anything clearly. Jan--my therapist practices DNMS & I feel like she helps a little, but of course, I want to be better 14 years ago. It was just so frustrating to force myself to be around others at ds kickboxing class, seeing people smiling & joking & having fun, functioning like I cannot--it was like being in another world to me. It wasn't until after we got home that I was depressed b/c I felt so different & useless. I know I should be congratulating myself for even going, but I keep thinking about how I used to take ds myself--when I drove--& smiled & had fun too & I'm so afraid I'll never be there again w/o drugs & it scares me to death. The meds have made me gain over 100 pounds over the last 7 years. I used to look anorexic & now I look like a beached whale which is depressing enough all by itself!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2003
Mon, 04-09-2007 - 12:39pm

hi...i can totally relate...i have had a huge relapse about a year ago...and wound up quitting my job because i couldn't function at work, and am scared to leave the house too...


well....the "good" news is that i am doing better than i was a year ago...still got a long way to go...but i was crying every day, wished i would just die cause i was in sooo much pain....and well...thats gotten sooo much better.


i take my meds, see a psychatirist, a therapist, go for walk/exercise when i can, listen to relaxation tapes...i do everything i can to keep my anxiety lower...and while its not where i want it to be...its better....


i'm hoping that someday (hopefully soon) i'll be able to fucntion well...go out and have a good time...heck...i'd settle for going out and NOT thinking about my anxiety for once....


sigh...


your not alone!


i'm here with ya...

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Mon, 04-09-2007 - 1:40pm

Welcome, Charlene to our

 

 


 



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