anxious about being anxious

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2005
anxious about being anxious
6
Mon, 04-09-2007 - 8:33am

good morning, everybody -

as a warning, this might get a little rambly, but here goes: for the past month or so, i have been feeling incredibly anxious and i don't know why. (just thinking about it makes me more anxious!) i don't have any acute reasons for feeling this way - i've got a good job and can support myself financially, i have a roof over my head, and i've got a great boyfriend. so there's nothing on the surface to worry about. still.....i have racing thoughts, shallow breathing and a pounding heart whenever i think about the future. i just turned 30 a couple of months ago and i've realized that i'm in charge of my own life and that makes me very nervous. i can't figure out what to do next - i know a suggestion would be to take life one day at a time, and that helps for a little while, but then i'm right back to square one after a couple of days. i feel like i should have a plan, like i should know where i want to be in 5 years, but i just don't. (it's like my internal compass is all messed up.) i know what my priorities and values are - my family, my boyfriend, my health, and being able to provide for myself - so that's a step in the right direction, but after that, i'm stuck. eventually, i'd like to move out of my apartment and possibly get married and have a dog, but i feel like there's a wall between where i am right now and where i'd like to be. i'm betting that that "wall" is probably fear, and i know in my heart that i have nothing to be afraid of, but still.....i can't help it. i need to slow my thoughts down and just focus on the present, and what actually is, instead of the infinite possibilities, but i'm having trouble doing that. i just can't calm down. anybody else know what i mean?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2003
Mon, 04-09-2007 - 12:49pm

yes...i totally know what you mean...anxiety about being anxious is my main problem too...i am 29, and petrified of being responcible for taking care of myself...i too have a great life and no major worries...but still i'm super anxious:(


just wanted you to know your not alone.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Mon, 04-09-2007 - 1:14pm

Welcome! I am sorry to hear about your anxiety. You are NOT alone. The idea of taking things a day @ a time is good. However, in my past there were times I had to break things down into hours & even minutes. Fear is learned. You can un-learn it.


Have you considered meds? Have you seen a therapist? Everyone generally can use a good physical. If you haven't had one lately, perhaps that would help. There may be a medical reason for unrelenting anxiety.


I don't have first hand experience with life coaches, but have you considered getting that sort of help? Making life changing decisions is never easy. My fear in making decisions like that is failure. I am sure there is some sort of basis for what you're experiencing. Someone with knowledge on the subject could help direct your course. IMHO what you see for yourself in the future is a very well deserved life. Finding the courage & confidence to move ahead will help you find what you're entitled too. Have you ever considered that you're holding yourself back because you don't feel deserving? Many ppl who post here do have issues with low self esteem. There's lots of info in our *coping tips & tricks* folder below that will help you to re-focus, de-stress & cope with your anxious, racing thoughts.


We want you to feel better. You CAN do it! Join us in chats. Post anytime. Good luck & GBU! (((hugs))) jan

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket


Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting



 

 


 



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-09-2007 - 4:48pm

There is something about hitting a decade birthday, isn't there? 50 was tough for me, I felt many of the same ways as you did--yet, there is also a feeling that mortality is really creeping up on me and if I want to travel, learn a skill, etc., now is the time to do it...

Feeling anxious about being anxious?--BTDT!!! You are already anxious, then you worry the anxiety will take its toll on your physical health (it doesn't help to feel that your heart rate is higher, either). Also, I was always worried that my anxiety manifested itself to the world, and that made me more anxious too (we think WAAAAY too much about what others think about us...)

What to do? I find it helpful to just tell myself to get through the day, that tomorrow isn't here, that I do not need to do anything "now"---most things can wait, anyway. I also try to blank out my mind from time to time (I took a meditation class to learn how to do this), and that can be very refreshing bc your brain has stopped sending signals via thoughts to your body and often that can be very calming.

I certainly am not very adept at any of this; and am often anxious, but sometimes I just feel the anxiety and live anyway. I can tell you I haven't conquered the anxiety problem yet, and probably never will, but I feel that it helps to have places like this to vent and also to have good things in life to look forward to...hope this helps a little. peace,lyn

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Mon, 04-09-2007 - 8:28pm

I LOVE Jan's suggestion of a life coach!

Sheri Ann

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2005
Wed, 04-11-2007 - 8:38am

thanks for your responses, everybody!

heather, i am so sorry that you know exactly what i'm talking about - it's not a fun place to be, is it?

jan & lyn & sheri ann - so i guess i have to look forward to this every 10 years, huh? great!!!! seriously, though, the idea of a life coach is a good one; i feel like i need someone to help me think things through so i can figure out what to do next. also, when i was growing up, i was always a little depressed & anxious and had pretty low self-esteem - i think i picked up those habits/behaviors from my mom because she was like that, too. but now that i'm on my own & away from my parents, i'm really happy and doing just fine. i feel like i have all this energy but don't know what to do with it, because i'm used to exerting myself in stressful situations, and now i don't have anything to stress about. i know i can handle whatever comes my way. (i should print out that last sentence and post it on my fridge!) i did check out the "coping tricks" folder; the breathing exercises will be beneficial because i've noticed that i hold my breath often and hardly ever breathe from my belly. so this will help a lot.

thank you so much for replying; i'm so glad i got to hear your perspectives!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-11-2007 - 11:53am

There is plenty of hope and help. I have anxiety more often than every 10 years, but stuff like significant birthdays, anniversaries of births or deaths, and other things can trigger panic in me (and us, too, otherwise why do we post here??) Since there are so many things to feel anxiety about in this society, it seems like we can find something every minute of the day to trigger us. I have had lots and lots of therapy--was in it last year, in fact and am thinking about going soon.

What is painful for me is the feeling I cannot tell people about it. Yet, if I had a chronic condition such as diabetes or epilepsy, I would feel free to. There is a stigma attached with anything that can affect our behavior. I keep a lid on it. And that makes me anxious, too. Take care!! peace,lyn