Introduction, my story sorry pretty long

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2007
Introduction, my story sorry pretty long
12
Wed, 04-18-2007 - 10:16pm

Hi everyone. I am a 29 year old married mom of 2. I am also in the process of quiting smoking to go along with my new healthy outlook ;) And this post may be lengthy. I apologize in advance!

I will start by explaining my past a bit. When I was 17 I had my first panic attack. At 19 I had my first case of panic attack that put me in the hosptial testing my heart. I had a beat that was 160-180 beats a minute for basically no reason. I have never used any kind of drugs or anything that would do that. Over the years I have gone through these cycles of what most of us would call hell. I would beging to get the attacks. Think I was dying. I would think I had some major life threatening illness and have to go to the hospital just to be sent home with a happy little pill plus a prescription. Normally I would then be put on a regiment of drugs that would subdue the attacks for months or possibly a year until I was weened off to try it all on my own again. I could normally get about a year to 2 years before starting the cycle over again. During my attacks I have suffered from complete insomnia for WEEKS, agoraphobia (I couldn't step in my car without having an anxiety attack and at a few points couldn't open my front door for months) plus severe social anxiety. I have been told all of this could be a form of PTSD from events that happened in my youth and teeneage years. Very tragic and terrifying things.

Now to the present. This past winter I had my worst batch of panic attacks yet. I am 29 and married for the second time and a mom. I thought I had it all together at this point. I was working a job about an hour from my house. I went into such severe attacks and spent many days at my doctor. I had her convinced I was nuts. I thought I was having heart attacks and I thought I had a lump in my breast. I went in with so many ailments LOL. SHe again did another EKG, another of many through my life, And the whole time I was driving to work and back with the panic attacks. Now this time things were different. I HAD to work. I had kids to support. My husband works a seasonal job so in the winter it is very important I work. I had to go. I had no excuse. I could not let my little ones down. That is what got me through. I had a panic attack the whole time all the way driving back and forth, I would have to stop and take a xanax and wait for it to be over. I had such severe heart palpitations and skipped beats when I drove, it was awful. Many times I seriously thought of running my car into a tree. Not that I have ever been suicidal. Far from it infact. But just to create a situation in my body to take away the panic feeling. LOL I thought shock might be better. I was finally able to see a councelor and I was put on and Buspar in addition to the xanax. Which seemed to do nothing but turn me into somewhat of a vegitable and I was prone to outbursts of anger and sadness after I started taking the buspar. I knew it wasn't the xanax I have taken that several times in the past. I was also still having the attacks. I went to see an actual phychiatrist and he more than tripled my dose of buspar. When I read the website he prescribed me much more than the recommended dose. But I figured he was the doc and I would take it if it would help. Almost immediatly a day after the upped dose I got a severe pain from my left shoulder all the way down my left sife into my toes in my left foot. And this time I was not imagining it. It basically left my left side unable to move. It was scary. I took the buspar for about a week through this, no one (doctors) was thinking it could be the buspar and I finally called the local mental health hospital and talked to an RN there that worked in my psychiatrists office and she was an AMAZING person to talk to. I told her my issues. I was crying and sobbing to her about the attacks and the pain and my hatred of the drugs at that point and I told her I wanted to quit taking them against my doctors advice and needed to know if it was ok. She told me I had the right to do that and that she knew my doctor really normally didn't promote such high doses or any drugs at all and he must have thought I had a severe issue. And she finally asked me a series of questions no one ever had before. She asked how long I had been having the attacks (12 years) and if I had ever died from them. LOL apparently not I am here. And she did make me laugh. And it clicked in my head finally that it really was all in my head and that there was nothing wrong with me. I went off the buspar and the pain went away after a few days. I quite taking the xanax and spent a very tough few weeks learning breathing and relaxation techniques from my also wonderful councelor. Then I decided I loved to dance all of a sudden. (yeah it was dancing with the stars fault). So I got dancing intruction vidoes, and yoga and some like the yoga booty ballet(really fun). So far I have been doing better than I ever had. My doctor also pointed out if aI am able to do these dances and aerobic videos then I am fine physically :) Another point I never thought of before. I have my mind set that I will not have panic attacks and if I feel one coming on I pop in a video or I start a breathing exersizes. Plus I do not have the residual affects of the meds like sleepyness, grogginess or the fuzz part of my life as I used to call it.

I decided to come in here and tell my long tale for a couple of reasons. One I consider myself having only been in my "panic remission" for a few months. I want to stay connected with others for the ongoing support but also to lend support to others. I feel I have gone the long miles with this illness and survived and there must be something to say about that. Also for me I feel the drugs were not actually the answer. I honestly think they just prolonged the sickness by dulling it for awhile. I was able to get better when I wanted to and really changed my way of thinking. I don't say all this becaues I am anti medication. I think they suit thier purpose in different situations and for different people. I offer up my own experience in case anyone can relate and may want to chat or need support with the things I have experienced :)

Thanks so much for listening. And if anyone ever wants to chat let me know!!!

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2007
Wed, 04-18-2007 - 10:49pm

Nice to *SEE* you again!!! Weren't you on the stop smoking board too? LOL! I am so proud of you for the accomplishments that you have made all by yourself. I just wish I could do the same. My whole anxiety part is all health related and I always feel like I am about to die of something. I wish I could get over this and the medical bills are really piled up...thanks to my stupidity!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You can keep this up and beat this anxiety bug!! I belive in you!
If you ever want to chat email me at WJennyPooh4@aol.com

Hugs,
Jennifer

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2007
Thu, 04-19-2007 - 11:13am
I was in my 20's when I had my first attack. I went to the Doc because I thought I was having a heart attack. Mine now happen most when I am driving in traffic or out of my town. Thats sad, because when I say traffic, it's really not that much traffic!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Thu, 04-19-2007 - 12:00pm

thAirBalloonzWelcome-vi.gif


Hi! Nice to see you. Thanks for replying & adding your thoughts. It's most appreciated. I have trouble in traffic, too. It has gotten better since I've learned better ways to cope. Please don't be a stranger! GL & GBU! (((hugs))) jan

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket


Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting



 

 


 



iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2007
Thu, 04-19-2007 - 12:27pm
What ways have you learned to cope?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Thu, 04-19-2007 - 12:38pm

I didn't drive for 3 years, but with meds & therapy got my anxiety under control. Then, I used the small step approach & began to drive further away from home each day, as well as staying away for longer periods.


I meditate daily. I use the belly breathing & positive affirmations when I become anxious or panic. I live in a town with lots of bridges & though I have panicked on them in the past, for the last couple of years, I make myself drive on them @ least once a day. There are times I feel uncomfortable, but the meditation skills & breathing get me through. I can drive in rural areas, heavy traffic, tunnels with only slight anxiety. I drive long distances from home & mentally, along with a map, break it into short drives. I tell myself I will drive to this landmark or this many miles. I fiddle with the radio, focus on the scenery, listen to my reiki healing cd, keep myself relaxed without gripping the wheel & tensing my back & neck muscles. I used to set myself up for attacks by hanging on to the wheel for dear life:). The interstate makes me the most anxious still. I hate it when the sign says 80 miles to the next rest stop. Feel sort of trapped. KWIM? I sometimes take the long way to avoid this, but usually I do ok when I take my kids or a friend along. HTH (((hugs))) jan

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket


Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting



 

 


 



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Thu, 04-19-2007 - 12:46pm

thAirBalloonzWelcome-vi.gif


Hi! It's a pleasure to have you here on the board. Your story is much like so many people who post. We support folks no matter what method they choose to cope with their anxiety disorder. I am so happy to hear that you have found your balance & are willing to share your thoughts. That is such an inspiration to all of us.


I have taken meds in the past & though I am doing well without them, I don't

 

 


 



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2007
Thu, 04-19-2007 - 5:56pm
Congratulations!!!!!
I have had panic disorder for 14 yrs. My doc wants to switch my meds & I'm terrified! I would so much like to do what you did & say "to hell with you, anxiety!" but it seems hopeless. Anyway, I would love to talk some more my email is lynnytimeforyou@yahoo.com & I know it's retarded--my husband made it up when I was computer illiterate! Now I just need to figure out how to change it! Look forward to hearing from you.
Lynn
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2007
Thu, 04-19-2007 - 6:37pm

Lynn --

Unrelated to the topic, but about changing your Yahoo address -- Yahoo lets you have more than one address now (for free), so you could add a second one to your account without having to get a new account. Try this:

1. Login to Yahoo email
2. Select the "Options" link (it's on the top right for me)
3. Select the "Mail Addresses" link in the Mail Options/Management section
4. Select the "Get Started" link in the Extra Mail Address section
5. Follow the prompts through to set up a new address -- you can have messages sent to both of your addresses go into one Inbox so you don't have to hassle with checking both boxes

Hope that helps!
Take care,
Bonnie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2007
Thu, 04-19-2007 - 7:09pm
Bonnie,
That's awesome!!! Thank you!!!
Lynn
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2007
Thu, 04-19-2007 - 7:13pm

You're welcome. :)

- B.

Pages