HELP for my sister!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
HELP for my sister!!!
11
Wed, 05-16-2007 - 10:32pm
Okay so something is going on with my sister and our whole family is at a loss for what to do or how to help her. For the past three months, she has been obsessed with the fact that she has some kind of illness and requires constant medical attention. It started a couple of months ago. She has lost 25 lbs and has become a recluse. She visits every doctor imaginable for every symptom imaginable. She has has neck pain symptoms, ear pain symptoms, abdominal pain, urinary retention, high blood pressure, weird feelings she can't explain and the list goes on and on and on. She has seen specialists, has gone to 3 different emergency rooms and hospitals, and has called 911 about 6 times in the past couple of months. She will be going for her 4th ct scan in 3 weeks. She has had numerous tests run as well. The thing is nobody finds anything wrong with her. She keeps saying wait until something comes back positive I won't talk to anyone. Or she will say I can't understand why these doctors can't find out what is wrong with me. Meanwhile, we are thinking that is b/c there is nothing worng with you. She hates to take any kind of medicine and right away she will have some kind of symptom from taking a pill. She admits she has anxiety and depression and has to stop what she is doing, but the very next day she is calling or going to the dr or hospital. She started an antianxiety pill but then broke out in a rash, well of course, this was the end of the world. They have since put her back on it b/c they thought maybe another med had caused the rash. I am hoping and praying this medicine works b/c it is affecting everyone. SHe used to go out and do things now she just lays on the couch. Her kids and husband are suffering and she is always asking my mom to take her to dr's etc. This is almost an everyday occurence and nothing seems to be helping. She had a therapist but they left now she has nobody. I know one of the most important things is that she sees a therapist to talk to, however, she is procrastinating at finding a new one. How can we help her? Is this just anxiety or are we dealing with a hyperchodriac or something else? I am scared for her. What can we do?
Lilypie 1st Birthday Ticker

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2007
Wed, 05-16-2007 - 11:20pm

Hello! I am glad that you are seeking some help and information for your sister.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Thu, 05-17-2007 - 1:12pm

Several years ago, I could have been your sister!

Sheri Ann

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2007
Thu, 05-17-2007 - 3:10pm
I agree with Jenny & Sheri Ann. The hypochondriasis is part of anxiety disorders. Some people(like myself) get to the point where they're afraid to drive or leave the house. I hope you can help her find some help before that happens. It would help if she is put on meds, for someone she trusts to sit with her after taking them. I was hospitalized because I wasn't functioning & my dr wanted me with someone to show me that they wouldn't hurt me after I took them. Three days later, I was still alive so he left me go home. (and I was convinced I would go into anaphalactic shock!) Besides, if I did have a reaction, I was in the best place to get immediate help. Maybe that is also an option for your sister. It was scary, but worth it. Good luck to you.
Lynn
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Thu, 05-17-2007 - 3:37pm
Well she is at it again. She went to the ER complaining or blood and mucous in her stool. They took her right in and low and behold only wanted to do an x-ray to check for a blockage they found nothing. She told my mother today she feels she has cancer and they aren't finding it. Well she was getting discharged when oddly enough she found out her mother-in-law was in the same hospital with pnuemonia and they just found out lung cancer too. They don't have much of a relationship. Well, I guess she went to visit her before she left and my sister decided she had to go to the bathroom again and she saw blood again and said she almost passed out so they put her in a wheelchair and sent her back to the ER. Now, she ws just there a couple of minutes prior, and they tested her stool for blood etc. and found nothing. She just started Lexapro and I know it takes a while for that to kick in. They gave her xanax in the meantime, but she says her stomach is too nauseous to take them. My mother is supposed to be traveling to my house next week 6 hours away and my sister keeps saying I can't believe you are leaving me. Yes, she has also started with she can't go out of the house and she can't get out of the car when she drops her daughter off to school. She makes my mom do it. Her husband is of no help he says sorry I have to work! She says she knows she needs a therapist, but she keeps putting it off. Well with all the trips to the ER, dr's etc how does she have time. I know now with her mother-in-law being ill that will put her over the edge. She said how am I going to deal with that when I can't deal with my own problems? Seriously, what the heck else can we do to help her we are baffled. Can we force her to get help!
What if we are wrong though and they eventually do find something. Of course, I can't see how with all of the testing she has had. SHe says she won't talk to anyone anymore. I really feel like she is losing it and it is truly in her head, but how do oyu convince her of this if she truly feels this is real. It is so out of control she is at the hospital or dr's everyday. Yesterday, she ran to the OB/GYN b/c the primary doctor mentioned a possibility of a fibroid. She made the GYN fit her in to take tests. Today it's the blood in the stool. What else can go wrong?
Lilypie 1st Birthday Ticker
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2007
Thu, 05-17-2007 - 4:33pm
I don't know what state you're in or how the laws there work, but here, her husband would be able to force her to be hospitalized to get help. What happened to me was, my dr asked me to do it willingly & I said ok. Until it was time to get dropped off! Then I totally freaked out & told them I was escaping (once you sign the papers. they won't let you leave) & my dad told me, if you want to come home, fine. But if you do, we're not helping you get to appointments or grocery shopping or therapy or anything anymore. I cried my eyes out for a while & then realized that this was his way of helping me to do what I was too afraid to do by myself. He decided not to enable me anymore. And it hurt, I felt abandoned at first, but then I realized if he didn't do that, who knows what would've happened. I really do think that after going to the er how many times, & other doctors, if there truly was something wrong, someone would've found it already. I still feel that way sometimes & I know deep down inside that my dr is a good man, & very thorough & would've found something by now.
Lynn
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2007
Thu, 05-17-2007 - 10:47pm

Dear Hunter: If your sister is willing I would get her evaluated by a psychiatrist.
It sounds like she suffers from depression, anxiety, and is a hypocondriac.

She has to want the help, you can't force her unless, she is dangerous to herself or her family.

There are many good therapists out there, try and help her find another one.

I wish you luck, I hope that your sister gets the help that she needs.

JS

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2005
Fri, 05-18-2007 - 11:42pm

Dear hunterb6868~

Hi...I am concerned with your situation because, you see...I can honestly say that I was in your shoes not that long ago, it lasted 16yrs...although it was hard because my sister and I were only teenagers when it began and were soon going our separate ways...

A lot was going on in both of our lives...She was throwing up, literally every 4-5,
like clockwork...the most difficult thing was that everybody was turning their back on her, they chalked it up to 'oh she's doing it on purpose, she just wants attention'...I'm the only one that that was there for her and continue to be...the rest of the family have nothing to do with her....

She is finally on the right meds...I'm so proud of her for continuing to have the self-discipline to want help herself...but it's so important that we have each other for support...

So much has not been put in my post, I'm respecting boundaries and her privacy...I ask you, from one family member to another...please don't turn your back on your sister...we all need someone that cares...

^j^Honesty Abounds

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Sat, 05-19-2007 - 6:41pm
I hear you we definitely are not turing our backs. We just can't figure out how to get her the help she needs. She is taking her Lexapro now, so hopefully that will make her better soon. She is still complaining of not feeling well. We told her she needs a therapist of some sort. She says she has a psychiatrist and that is fine with her. I feel she needs counseling at least more than once a month. She needs it at least once a week. So far, the two hospitals she has been to told her not to return. Her doctros are also trying to help her as well. They told her they are very aware of her anxiety issue. So hopefully, between all of us she will get back on track. Thanks for all of the support.
Lilypie 1st Birthday Ticker
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Sat, 05-19-2007 - 7:40pm

unfortunately,i-don't-think-you-can-do-much-more.--can-her-dh-go-to-her-pdoc-appt-with-her-and-request-a-referral-to-a-therapist.-maybe-if-he-was-more-active-in-the-situation,-she-would-get-help-sooner.-the-lexapro-should-start-making-a-difference-soon.-it-did-for-me-after-about-a-week.


Sheri Ann

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Sat, 05-19-2007 - 9:15pm
Her DH basically has shut down. He was going to go but then said forget it. Her primary doctor finally talked to him and said she definitely has a problem, so hopefully the doctor got through to him. Let's hope the meds help quickly we are beside ourselves.
Lilypie 1st Birthday Ticker

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