Big Blowout last weekend...
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| Mon, 06-04-2007 - 1:56pm |
Hello everyone...I need some advice if anyone else has gone through what I went through last weekend...I know that my husband gets frusterated with my conditions, both the anxiety and the chronic fatigue, but we got into a huge blowout fight last weekend and then he ended up calling his mother to come over and "deal with our fight". now, i love his mom to death but I realized something this week after I had time to think about everything...my husband HATES conflict....i can very rarely talk to him without it turning into an argument because he doesn't like being confronted with any kind of conflict, and everyone loves him and thinks he is the golden child...he does no wrong and everyone hates it if he gets mad at them and will do everything to make it better. His parents and his siblings have gotten mad and disgusted with him before, but they never say anything to him (but I have heard them complain plenty of times) and it makes me so mad because he has been basically "emotionally pampered" his entire life...he would rather run away from everything than deal with it, which is why I think he cant deal with me because he didn't expect this to happen and he doesn't know how to deal with it...he went through a really rough time of sickness when he was 20, he had ulcerative colitis and had major surgery and keeps comparing my problems to that...he doesn't understand that yes, while he went through alot with that and was really sick, at least they knew what was wrong and it was fixable through the surgery...and I think that is why everyone pampers him now in a way because he could have died from it, who knows. and i am not saying that he is a bad person, he is far from it, but he has serious issues in this department...i got double teamed by his parents that night, saying you need to eat this, you need to eat that, you need to snap out of it or you are going to ruin your marriage, and why don't you have any sex drive anymore? I was so angry...because not all of this is my fault and i blew up in front of all of them telling them I was sorry i got poisoned, sorry that i am the way i am now, sorry that I have an autoimmune disease that I have to cope with now, sorry that it was all my fault and my husband did say it's not all your fault and that i had nothing to apologize for, and i yelled at all of them then stop making me feel like it is!! then i went into our bedroom and closed the door because i could not deal with it anymore, and now i don't feel comfortable talking to his mom anymore and she was really the only person i could go to...we used to see a therapist and I am trying to get him to go to her again to help us figure out how to deal with it together, but he wont go back right now but says yes, we need to make things better and he is willing to work on that and I am as well, I am just tired and ready to give up lol...when he was really mad at me he told me i had till the end of June to get "all better" or else he was leaving, and now says he didn't mean that, he was just angry and felt like i was taking advantage of him which I am not and that really hurt, but I am really trying to make things better and not think about the angry words that were said, but you can't just erase that hurt. and i also know that if he does leave, then hes not worth it, and i probably would be better off without him, but its still hard....sorry about the novel but has anyone ever been through this? i know it is hard and draining on him too, but I don't know how to make it easier for him other than to act my ass off so not to upset him if I am having a bad day, but i shouldn't have to act right? grr I dont know...I am also looking for something to do here at home work wise because of the chronic fatigue...physically I cant do alot and my father is starting something this year and has already asked me to work here for him but im not sure when that starts...does anyone on here work at home for a company? any info and advice would be great...and sorry again this is so long i just needed to vent...I love you guys!! :)
Krista

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Hi, Krista! I am sorry to hear this. My ex was from India & the first major fight we had, he called my parents to come & settle me down. They laughed him off & told him that in America, I was totally his problem;) He never called them again. I am unsure why your dh can't face his issues with himself & you without his parents intervening. I would be just as frustrated as you. They do NOT need to be called to work out your marital issues. Getting back into therapy sounds like the best possible action @ this time.
Here's the list of work from home boards:
- Direct Marketing
- Childcare Providers
- Home Business Opportunities
- Virtual Assistants
- Wedding & Event Planning
- Growing Your Business
- Work It! Women's Business Secrets
- Working From Home
- Crafting Businesses
HTH. Since I am not very good @ relationship issues, I will leave that to others. I will say that it takes two to make a marriage work. It's always give & take & there will be times when a spouse is sidelined due to illness, etc. when the other spouse needs to take up the slack. If dh won't go to therapy, go alone. You will still benefit. GL & GBU! (((hugs))) janWorking from Home
thank you Jan for your message and the links to the work at home stuff...it is greatly appreciated! I am def going to check all of that stuff out...we actually talked the other night so hopefully things will start to get better...how are you doing? I hope much better and that you are recovering well...and thank you again!! Big hugs to you :)
Krista
Talking is a good thing:) as Martha Stewart would say. Let me know & the board as well
Hi Krista,
I came on this site for the first time because I am at home all day and my husband works 60 + hours a week. I too have phobias and panik attacks. I stopped working full time in January because of Chronic pain and fatigue and now I feel like I am sitting here (without a vehicle) waiting to die. I am so lonely its not even funny. I just moved into another home because of not being able to work I lost my truck and house. I don't know what to do with myself. I am taking classes online to get my degree in accounting but its not enough to keep me busy. I am sooo lonely and sad. I dont have any friends around me. I don't know of any home positions but I did see that you can do collections at home.. so that might be something that you can look into. I just got approved for long term disability so I dont have to worry about money but It is the lonliness. It sucks!!
Renae
Hi Renae!! I just want you to know that if you ever need anyone to talk to or whatever, please email me...i know the lonliness part and not having that many people around to talk to more than you know...the only people i have close to me to really talk to are my husband (and he is just as frusterated as I am with my condition lol, but he really is doing well now at the understanding part) my family sucks except for my stepdad and my grandma who are in New York so if you ever want to email me please do here is my address
LittleOne0916@aol.com
I also wanted to ask if you are seeing a chiropractor for your pain...I used to work for one for two years and have been seeing him and getting adjusted weekly for four years and it works wonders for chronic pain, fibromyalgia, etc....I myself know I would be in alot more physical pain than I am now if I wasnt seeing and haden't been seeing him for that long. but seriously, it would do wonders for you...it might take awhile at first and you might have different pains when you start because your body is making changes, but if you stick with it its great for you and will help boost your immunity and everything else. Another suggestion is to find a great naturopath doctor...I see one for my chronic fatigue and I also suffered from artificial sweetener poisoning (that is what caused my chronic fatigue, it attacked my nervous system and my adrenal glands almost failed) and I am really sensitive to meds (I take Xanax for my anxiety) and she has me on a bunch of nutritional supplements, adrenal and thyroid supplements (all natural) and enzymes and they have worked wonders for me...i really think that my fatigue would be worse if it wasn't for her...she also has me on the Eat Right for Your Blood Type diet (there is a big book that Barnes and Noble carries, i forget the drs name that wrote it) and that has also worked great for me...i eat as much natural and organic as i can get...it gets pricey but it really, really is better for you...and if you eat any artificial sweeteners, like Splenda or Aspartame (nutrasweet, equal) STOP...i have done a TON of research on these since they poisoned me and they are BAD BAD BAD...look them up on here and you will see...i pass that along to everyone because I would hate for anyone else to end up like me and with our condition....but anywho this turned into a novel lol...and i want you to know that I am here, anytime you want to talk...and don't think you are just waiting there to die...i totally understand that feeling and it takes so much strength to deal with what we deal with, but see if you can find an outlet for something while you are at home...do you like to write or do anything "arty"? I find that just going outside and walking around, being in nature helps alot...and I pray alot too...have you ever read any of Sylvia Browne? she is fantastic, her books are wonderful and have helped me alot...but know that you still have your life to live, no matter how you live it, and there are people who care and want to help...so write to me anytime!! god bless and please write back...you are not alone!! much love and gentle hugs
Krista
(((Krista))) I wish I had some advice, but my dh doesn't deal well with my *issues* either.
Sheri Ann
Hi Renae & welcome to our board.
Sheri Ann
Hi, Renae! I am sorry to hear about the loneliness. As Sheri Ann suggested, join us in chats. Also, have you joined any of the groups on iConnect here on IVillage? There are many places where you can find others with interests similiar to yours. Take a look: http://www.ivillage.com/connect?vty=http://connect.ivillage.com
Hi Krista,
Thanks so much for writing back. I apologize for not writing sooner. My husband was off work Thursday and Friday and than Saturday I checked my email and wrote back and I wrote for about 20 mins a reply and when I hade to preview the message my computer went to "Cant find internet connection" and I lost the entire message. Soo.. I will try to write everything again.
I was seeing a chiropractor and he adjusted my neck and it felt wonderful but because I have a pretty small frame and my back muscles are so tight he couldn't get it to budge. He even put me on a bed with hot massaging water to try and loosen it first. But he couldn't ever get it to cooperate. When I stopped working and lost my insurance I couldn't go because they don't accept my husbands insurance. I would have to be a cash customer. Without a vehicle It is also very hard to get there also. I have never heard of a Naturapath Dr. I looked in our phone book for one here and there isn't one under that description. The Dr. sounds wonderful. I am glad that they are helping you. I'm sorry to hear how got artifical sweetner poisoning. What were your symptoms and what did they do for you in the hospital to help you? I have a problem drinking just about everything. Most everything gives me a headache, stomachache and very irritable. I can drink ginger ale once in awhile, water and Michelob Light. That is the extent and it is really annoying. I tried gatorade the other day and i must have drank too much because it made my stomach hurt and I felt very naseau. Do you have this problem and what do you drink for it if so? I am so tired all the time also and it is so frustrating. I have to take a zanax every morning because my body shakes inside. I get really scared. I will write to you more, thank you. I always need someone to talk too... I go to school online so it takes some of my time up. My four year old is with me all day too so I am keeping busy with him. I don't have alot of hobbies but I would like to think of somethings to do. I am not really into crafts, I used to be when I was younger. I would like to learn yoga and meditation but don't know how to really get motivated to do it. I hope you are feeling well today. Take Care, and thanks for everything!
Renae
Renae
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