will it ever end?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2006
will it ever end?
12
Wed, 06-13-2007 - 2:18am

I have had a people phobia since I can remember, every one called it just being shy back then. I'm 26 and cannot seem to handle a job, the stress just gets to me I guess. The stress of the work but more so the stress of being around the people. I haven't worked since Jan 2004. I am trying to work at home doing web design however even that is hard for me to do. I am so depressed that I constantly think about death. I have been living on sleeping pills the last couple of weeks because my mind just will not stop thinking. I just don't care any more. My bf (I've lived with for 7 years, terrific guy) does all of the shopping and going out for things because I cannot do it. We are barely making it and I feel like such a bum all the time because I cannot make money. When I lived at home, growing up I was called lazy (mom called us lazy pigs all the time.) Now, as an adult I still think of myself a lazy pig-the dishes aren't washed usually, clothes aren't washed, the bathroom hasn't been realllly cleaned in forever and I just don't care about anything anymore. I used to love taking pictures but I've gotten out of that-I hate people seeing me do things, I guess because it makes me feel human or something. My design business sucks because I just cannot get it together to design things anymore. I'm at the end of my rope-all I want to do is sleep because it stops me from thinking.

As for the doctor, it is too expensive. Even the sliding scale ones are too expensive. So I am hopeless about that. I'm stuck. I've been stuck all my life and don't know what to do. I'm depressed because I have no life and it is because of my phobia of going outside. I didn't know where to post this, depression of anxiety because I have both. I've been here before but it doesn't help. I've lived with this since I can remember and just don't know where to go or what to do. I don't want to live this way anymore. I just suck!

I don't grumble to anyone about this except my bf. So, now y'all get to hear it! :-)
Help!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Wed, 06-13-2007 - 9:29am

Hi! Welcome to our caring community. I am very sorry to hear how you are living. You certainly deserve better. Noone can help you until you make the decision to help yourself. There was a time many years ago that I was in your shoes. I had pretty much painted myself

 

 


 



iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2007
Wed, 06-13-2007 - 12:04pm
It seems that you are very overwelmed and Jan is right that taking small steps is best. I've had anxiety and panic attacts for about a year and last summer didn't want to leave or go to the store. I just made myself go with the bf first and then just a quick trip by myself. The deep breathing works really well for me too. I really think therapy would be good for you. There is a place where I live that is based on income, and I'm a full time student with a limited income, so I only pay $5 a session. You might check around more because there might be something in your town that you didn't know existed. Is there a university there? You might check it. Hope this helps!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2006
Thu, 06-14-2007 - 4:09am
Just wanted to say thank you for your replies. I called today to set up an appointment with the local mental health place for next week. I don't know what I am going to do when the time comes to do the group therapy thing, they don't do single sessions but group sessions. I have a hard enough time just walking outside so sitting in a group and talking is going to be like climbing a mountain. I just wanted to say thanks. I may be back soon for support! :-)
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2007
Thu, 06-14-2007 - 12:21pm
hey,
I actually do group and individual therapy. I like group a lot, but it did take me a little while to get used to it and be able to talk about myself. I just started by listening, then I would slowly add my own comments to what others were saying. After a while I was comfortable enough to share my story. And let me tell you, it felt great and it really helped with my shyness and nervousness. It's also ok to just let the group know if you're feeling nervous and don't want to talk. Let me know if you have any more questions about group therapy in general because I have been doing it for a year now.
Candice
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2006
Thu, 06-14-2007 - 3:54pm
Thanks for replying. I may come back to ask questions about group therapy...ugh, I'm getting nervous even now just thinking about it! :-)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Sat, 06-16-2007 - 8:37pm

Hi & welcome!

Sheri Ann

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Sun, 06-17-2007 - 1:43am
I can relate to some of the emotions sflouden has expressed. I've reached a point in my life, where I again need help to move forward. I dealt with some of my issues a few years ago, and did fine, now I'm in a rut again. There some problems I guess I haven't worked through properly at the time and have pushed them aside. I've found myself in this comfort zone, too scared and unmotivated to get out. I still go to the shop and catch up with my close friends or family. I find it hard to apply for work, and I don't want to go out and socialise much with lots of people, because I feel I'm too boring, and haven't achieved much in my life, and have too many limitations that prevent me enjoying some of life's pleasures. I know the way that I'm feeling is irrational, but I can't shake it off. I know that in order to enjoy life more is to get out and do things one step at a time and be less hard on myself. Over the last few months, I've felt I just wanted to end it all, I'm so confused with what direction to go in my life and will I ever find some lasting contentment with myself and my life? I want to feel happy and excited about things, but I've lost that spark at the moment. I'm doing more stupid, regretful things to numb the pain I feel, and I'm aware that its not helping me at all. I've made an appointment to see someone and have to wait 2 weeks, so in the meantime I love that I've found this site, where some people share an understanding and openess about anxiety/depression. The coping/tips section is interesting too. I think I've put my problems off for too long, assuming that I'm ok, when really I'm not. I'm getting into this no-good pattern again, and I gotta get out. To all those working through difficult times, I wish them the best. And to the people running these posts, a big thanks for being here!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2006
Sun, 06-17-2007 - 3:48am

One of the worst weeks I've had in a long time and then something happens yesterday evening that puts it at the worst of the worst.

I am a web designer. On one of the most looked at message board threads (on another site) I am having someone tells out right lies about me, and then her board 'friends' all gang up on me. They don't even know me. They are seeing her side of things, which she has completely lied about most of it, and now the 5 years it took me to build up my business this one woman has ruined my reputation as a designer. It literally has made me completely sick. I just can't handle this one more thing-I was too the point already where I didn't think I was going to make it and now this. The one thing that I was hanging on for, to help us make some extra money every once and a while and this has ended that. I give up trying anymore. I just can't handle stress...

I've made the doctors appointment but it isn't until the 25th. That feels so long away, this is going to be a hard week to get through!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Sun, 06-17-2007 - 9:56am

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I am sorry to hear about this setback. Try to focus on the positives in your life. Don't allow the opinion of others to bring you down. Work hard @ buliding your business back up. Surely not everyone has followed this vindictive woman. Hang in there until that appointment. (((hugs))) jan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Sun, 06-17-2007 - 10:04am

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Hi! You are very welcome here. I feel that you are strongly motivated to change & that's great. It won't be easy, but as everyone who posts to this board, noone has a perfect anxiety-free life on a daily basis. We have to clebrate the small stuff. See the positive rather than the negatives.


Please keep posting. Let us know how that appointment goes. You CAN do this. Keep yourself safe. We care & want the best life possible for you. GL & GBU! (((hugs))) jan

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