iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2005
Mon, 05-17-2010 - 12:44pm
Hi- I have posted here in the past. life is really taking every ounce of energy from me= how do you not dwell on the bad things.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2007
In reply to: grippy2005
Wed, 05-19-2010 - 4:49pm

Hi Grippy2005, I'm sorry to read you've been

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-1998
In reply to: grippy2005
Thu, 05-20-2010 - 9:51pm

Hi grippy, I agree with cmamyd that putting your attention on things outside of yourself can help. It also helps me to just keep going no matter what, even if I'm so down that I don't feel like it. I don't have to be fast, but just keeping moving seems to help. On a super bad day, I might spend an hour slowly folding a basket of laundry that on a good day I'd do in 10 minutes- but progressing forward, no matter how slowly, can sometimes keep your overall forward momentum going.

Another thing that has helped me to not dwell so much on all the bad is learning about, and trying to practice, radical acceptance. Radical acceptance is learning to accept things as they are in such a way that you can be at peace with the world around you. It doesn't mean you are passive or a victim, it just means that you learn to accept reality for what it is-- it is much like that saying about changing the things you can, accepting the things you can't change, and knowing the difference.

I was just doing a little reading on RA last night and the author/psychologist was pointing out that if you are upset about something and can't seem to move beyond it, it is very likely an inability to accept a reality that is beyond your control-- that somehow the human brain will try again and again to find a way to rearrange the facts so we can feel better about a situation. This is something I am dealing with at the moment, with an uncomfortable situation that I have no control over and yet am getting stuck on it again and again. I am so stressed out about this thing, and yet it is beyond my control. I keep telling my brain to stop working overtime trying to make me feel better about something that "just is" in a way that I don't like.

Hope today was a good day for you. (((HUGS)))

Avatar for booplady44
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2003
In reply to: grippy2005
Fri, 05-21-2010 - 8:14am

I think both Amy and Fish made


Three grand essentials to life are...something to do

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-25-2004
In reply to: grippy2005
Fri, 05-21-2010 - 12:11pm

I think you make an excellent point about acceptance. Looking back at the times when I've had particularly bad anxiety, I can see that difficulty accepting the way things are has played a significant role. It's something I have to work on too. I think it's tied into my need to be in control at all times. I have noticed that many anxiety sufferers have control issues. For me, it's always a weird paradox, because I sometimes wish that someone else could step in and make the big decisions and shoulder some of the responsibility, but at the same time, I am compulsive about being in control and would have difficulty letting someone else take on that role.

Anyway, Gippy, I hope you start feeling better soon.

Avatar for firstglimpse
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
In reply to: grippy2005
Fri, 05-21-2010 - 1:58pm
"The definition of forgiveness is giving up all hope for a better past."

Lily Tomlin

"Only when we are sick of our sickness shall we cease to be sick."

~ Lao-Tzu, from The Tao Te Cheng
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
In reply to: grippy2005
Sun, 05-23-2010 - 6:03pm
Hello & welcome back! Sorry to hear that you're feeling so down, Elaine):
what works best for me is to step outside of myself. I don't dwell on the negatives & try to look @ the positive things I have in life. I set a time limit of 20 minutes to ruminate on the bad, then get moving. Exercise increases the body's endorphins(feel good hormones.)I volunteer when I can. Seeing how bad others have it, makes me realize that things could be a whole lot worse. Meditation helps, as does spirituality. Calling on a Higher Power & giving over my negative thinking & asking for peace helps. Do something nice for yourself. It doesn't have to be expensive or a big deal. I find that a small sanctuary I have created in the corner of my bedroom helps me to relax. I burn incense. Light a candle for my sister who passed. Think of the many pleasant memories that I have of childhood & my family & friends. A bubble bath works. A cup of tea w/a neighbor or a coffee w/a friend in a coffee shop keeps my mind from focusing on the bad.
Like Amy, I try to make life better for my kids & am grateful to have them in my life. I play a game in my head telling myself if I get that bathroom cleaned from top to bottom, then I will reward myself by reading a new book or starting a new crochet project.
Life is too full nowadays. I know it sounds trite but to make sense of it all, we DO have to stop to smell the roses. GL & GBU! (((hugs))) jan