heavy heart

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2007
heavy heart
Wed, 05-26-2010 - 12:47pm
I feel like i messed up my life. We moved so we could have a house with a basement. I was excited at first but now i just feel like throwing up all the time. I just dont feel like it is home and never will be. I dont know what to do. More and more i miss the old place and feel that i ripped my soul out. I just feel stuck. I know i need help just dont know where to turn.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-25-2004
In reply to: mandgsmommy
Thu, 05-27-2010 - 8:50am

Buying a home and moving are huge stessers. It's not uncommon for people to have the kinds of feelings your having about your new place. They even have a name for it: Buyer's Remorse. I experienced it myself when we bought our new home. It's one of those catch 22 type of situations because the increased stress level causes anxiety. Our natural inclination is to find things that comfort us, which are often those things that are most familiar to us, so we end up wanting the "comfort" of our old home and come to the conclusion that it's our new home that is making us feel the way we do.

If the feelings you're having are uncontrollable, I would suggest seeing your doctor to discuss it. There are medication options that help us get through hard situations. A visit to a therapist might do you some good as well. They'll be able to give you advice about dealing with what you're experiencing and help you work through your feelings of loss. Grief comes in all forms and is caused by all sorts of situations.

In the mean time, I'm going to pass on some advice that my mama gave me a long time ago. The easiest and fastest way to love a person is to care for that person. You become invested and develop attachment through the caring. When I was in your situation I figured the same thing probably applied to houses as well, so that's what I did. I started making little improvements, painting a hallway, changing a light fixture, putting in a flower bed, making new curtains. Every room eventually sported my handiwork in one way or another, in ways that pleased me. I eventually fell in love with the house and it did become home. It took a while, but it happened.

Let us know how you're doing, and I'll be thinking of you and praying for you.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
In reply to: mandgsmommy
Thu, 05-27-2010 - 5:27pm
Hi & welcome! That's a shame): @ some point or another, everyone has regrets for the decisions they've made. That doesn't mean I don't *feel* for you. And, it doesn't make things easier.
Like, Jess, I think that waking up tomorrow & whistling a happy tune isn't going to happen. But, I do think it's possible that you can make this into a real home. I always sort of liked redecorating a new place, though I hated the actual move.
I moved about 6 years ago & I know I was worn out from the lifting & carrying, but I slept on the couch the first night amidst unpacked boxes & bawled my head off. I was really scared too. Turning back wasn't an option & I think that trapped feeling may have a lot to do w/how you're feeling. Do you think?
If you feel that it isn't possible to move through this feeling, ITA w/Jess that seeking professional help is in order. It's not shameful to seek help. It happens to the best of us. Life turns overwhelming & there are ppl out there who's sole purpose is to guide us through our fears/anxieties/concerns, etc. See your family dr. about the vomiting. Tell him/her exactly what has happened. Believe me, they have heard this before. Your dr. should be able to prescribe something & refer you to a therapist who can help.
I am confident that this will pass. You need time to grieve the old place & get adjusted to the new. There will come a time that you will be so thankful for that basement, that you will look back & wonder why this affected you so much. Change is a part of life. There's lots of us anxious folks who don't do well w/change. You are NOT alone. GL & GBU! Please keep in touch. We care about you. (((hugs))) jan