Find a Conversation
|Wed, 06-16-2010 - 9:50am|
I'm headed for Nevada - I'm going to Albany International Airport (NY); my flight leaves in a few hours, but of course there is all the rigamarole of SECURITY (and thank God we have that 'rigamarole.') so I must leave imminently ! .
I woke up fine this morning - fine, but way too early. So, although i thought I was happy as a lark, latent anxiety must have been lurking in my limbic system, like an amigO lurks on the message board - LOL.
Now whenever, I wake up early, I somehow always manage to fall behind the clock. So, looking at my Timex at 8 AM, I asked dw if she could bring me a cup of Joe. I was starting to run late. (In the meantime, I did not realize that she was already late for work.) She snapped at me with fangs of a cobra, "Manny, get it yourself; I'm late." Well - O K - I exaggerated the cobra part - it was more like a newly born baby snapping turtle. The point here is - it hit me like the venom of a cobra - totally disproportionate to the "trigger" of dw's curt tone of voice.
Now, of course the famous "fight or flight" thing then kicked in. I usually would return that curt tone of voice in kind - not as revenge, but more like a MIRROR. Today however, I chose flight ...... I didn't say a word. Then, (as I suspected) the avalanche began: A Panic Attack - I have not had a full blown panic attack in over a DECADE. Add to this evil storm the fact that I had to drive 88 miles to Albany airport and could not take my PRN clonozepam !!!! - and the storm turned into a tornado.
Here is my humble observation: The trigger (my wife's somewhat nasty tone) did not warrant my reaction, my over-reaction. my physical and emotional reaction was 100% disproportionate to the incident (the trigger) - the physical reaction of all the adrenaline hitting me, the breathlessness, the palpitations were LOGICALLY not callled for .
So - I decided to research what I am going to call THE AVALANCHE EFFECT of A, P & P.
1. All morning the anticipation of yet another flight (I travel a lot) was building in me - but I was repressing it (not SUPPRESSING it; Suppression is CONSCIOUS; we know we are holding down an emotions. Repression is the holding down of an emotion without conscious knowledge, and repression spells DANGER.....) Repression inevitably "breaks through" to the conscious level, and when it does, it comes out in the form of anger/rage which yields the chemical byproducts of anxiety, panic, and even depression.
2. ( Ooops - gotta run - more to come - no time to proof read either :-( )